New Member
Guess what, I'm not crazy.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Oregon
Posts: 286
New Member
Good Morning,
I joined this site a few days ago and thought I should tell you a bit about my self. I come from a long line of alcoholics, am an alcoholic and am married to an alcoholic. 11 months ago I stopped drinking. I had come to a point that I hated who I was and couldn’t take it any longer.
I have been through a lot since I stopped, and the funny thing is the days with the most stress are the easy ones. It’s when the calm sets in and I have time to think about things that it gets hard. Just about the time I think I am past this and can move on, the twinge will hit me and I get sad. In some ways it’s like loosing a family member or a lover. Someone you had a bad relationship with and you wish you could just mend things but you know you can’t. You know it will only be worse every time you go back and so I don’t.
My husband stopped drinking for about 2 months but started again 3 weeks ago. This makes me real sad because he knows I am done with the drinking and don’t want to be around it. He gets angry and defensive, like I’m the bad guy for not drinking.
OK, I need to be honest here. It had gotten to a point that I didn’t feel like he loved me any more and there had been so much pain and anger between us that I started looking else ware for comfort and companionship. When my mom got sick and died, he was not the one who held me and let me cry. He wasn’t the one who said (It’s going to be ok) (Your not alone).
My husband found out that I had been messing around and went into a tailspin. He tried to kill him self three times. I called the cops on the first attempt because he was trying to get to a gun we had and was screaming how he wanted me to kill him. They took him to detox and removed the gun from the house. The other two times he used pills and I did nothing. I just let him lay there. (I didn’t realize he had taken the pills) I just thought he was passed out.
Anyway….. We talked and I told him I needed him to stop drinking and be the man I married again. He did and it was wonderful. He was loving and clean and we held each other and loved each other. Then about three weeks ago his cousin died and he started up again. Needless to say, he went from 0-60 in about three days. Now he says that he is entitled to a drink after what I did to him.
Now I have to make up my mined. I do love him but I know that will never be enough to make me happy, and no matter how hard it gets…. I can’t seem to hold onto the anger long enough to say (I’m Done) and move on. He knows I’m not happy and he knows HE is to blame, and yet……
For those of you who have made it to the other side and are free from their alcoholic spouse, good for you. For those of us who are still here, afraid to walk through that door and see what’s on the other side…… Heaven help us.
Me
I joined this site a few days ago and thought I should tell you a bit about my self. I come from a long line of alcoholics, am an alcoholic and am married to an alcoholic. 11 months ago I stopped drinking. I had come to a point that I hated who I was and couldn’t take it any longer.
I have been through a lot since I stopped, and the funny thing is the days with the most stress are the easy ones. It’s when the calm sets in and I have time to think about things that it gets hard. Just about the time I think I am past this and can move on, the twinge will hit me and I get sad. In some ways it’s like loosing a family member or a lover. Someone you had a bad relationship with and you wish you could just mend things but you know you can’t. You know it will only be worse every time you go back and so I don’t.
My husband stopped drinking for about 2 months but started again 3 weeks ago. This makes me real sad because he knows I am done with the drinking and don’t want to be around it. He gets angry and defensive, like I’m the bad guy for not drinking.
OK, I need to be honest here. It had gotten to a point that I didn’t feel like he loved me any more and there had been so much pain and anger between us that I started looking else ware for comfort and companionship. When my mom got sick and died, he was not the one who held me and let me cry. He wasn’t the one who said (It’s going to be ok) (Your not alone).
My husband found out that I had been messing around and went into a tailspin. He tried to kill him self three times. I called the cops on the first attempt because he was trying to get to a gun we had and was screaming how he wanted me to kill him. They took him to detox and removed the gun from the house. The other two times he used pills and I did nothing. I just let him lay there. (I didn’t realize he had taken the pills) I just thought he was passed out.
Anyway….. We talked and I told him I needed him to stop drinking and be the man I married again. He did and it was wonderful. He was loving and clean and we held each other and loved each other. Then about three weeks ago his cousin died and he started up again. Needless to say, he went from 0-60 in about three days. Now he says that he is entitled to a drink after what I did to him.
Now I have to make up my mined. I do love him but I know that will never be enough to make me happy, and no matter how hard it gets…. I can’t seem to hold onto the anger long enough to say (I’m Done) and move on. He knows I’m not happy and he knows HE is to blame, and yet……
For those of you who have made it to the other side and are free from their alcoholic spouse, good for you. For those of us who are still here, afraid to walk through that door and see what’s on the other side…… Heaven help us.
Me
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Hello, You climbed out of the bottle and are dealing with life now. Way to go. It will take time to clean up the wreckage. Sounds like you are ready to get started. Best wishes in sobriety so happy to hear you know there is a better way to live your life.
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