YIKES! I'm SOOOOOO done trying to help!
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YIKES! I'm SOOOOOO done trying to help!
Found out that ExABF had been seeing some bartender the entire last month we were together when I thought things had been going well (even called her the night I had him arrested for drunk driving--was planning on staying at HER house but she wouldn't answer the phone so he came here! OUCH!). He of course denied it but he's in jail now and can't do a darn thing to try to manipulate me into believing his excuses and LIES. I have 90 days to move on without him interferring! He has 90 days to try to figure out which of his "friends" betrayed him by telling me (of course I didn't tell him how I found out. Let him wonder and stew over the next 90 days!)
Anyway I was having a bad day yesterday over all of this so I went to get my favorite Buffalo Wild Wings take out and sat in the parking lot of Burger King to eat it when an SUV came FLYING into the parking spot next to me just barely missing my car. I could hear a man and a woman screaming at each other (it was 90 degrees out so all my windows and theirs were down). She called that man every name in the book and screamed and hollered so much I was debating rolling up the windows (but didn't because I was afraid that would look too obvious that I was paying attention to them--not that I could help it when she was 6 inches from my car!)
Anyway, she started yelling "Get out! Get out!" and I noticed she was talking to her two children (who looked TERRIFIED!). She was wearing her socks, no shoes, and started pounding on the SUV screaming at the man to leave (not very nicely of course!) She called him a stupid liquored up Mexican and some other racial slurs (the guy was WHITE by the way?!) and grabbed her kids out of the truck. The man sped off and left them there while she threw whatever she could find at the truck. She went into BK with her two boys and I sat there contemplating my next move.
Well since I was also having a bad "man day" I decided that I would at the very least go ask her if she was ok and if she needed anything.
So I went inside, refilled my Dr Pepper and asked her "Are you ok?" She gave me the most SPITEFUL HATEFUL look I have ever seen and said "now that THAT bast**d is gone I'm just fine!". I looked at the two boys who were visibily shaking and asked "Is there anybody you can stay with? Friend or relatives you coudl call to come get you?" She said very angrily "Not anymore THANKS TO YOU!!" I was SHOCKED that she was angry with ME and said "WHAT?! Why What did I do? I don't even know you. I was just sitting there enjoying my dinner when you pulled up screaming and yelling next to me. Just figured I'd see if you were ok and needed anyhelp. I'm having the same kind of day you are! " She told me "shut up b--ch and mind your own gddmn business!"
Wow. Try to help and it once again comes back to bite me in the butt!
Anyway I was having a bad day yesterday over all of this so I went to get my favorite Buffalo Wild Wings take out and sat in the parking lot of Burger King to eat it when an SUV came FLYING into the parking spot next to me just barely missing my car. I could hear a man and a woman screaming at each other (it was 90 degrees out so all my windows and theirs were down). She called that man every name in the book and screamed and hollered so much I was debating rolling up the windows (but didn't because I was afraid that would look too obvious that I was paying attention to them--not that I could help it when she was 6 inches from my car!)
Anyway, she started yelling "Get out! Get out!" and I noticed she was talking to her two children (who looked TERRIFIED!). She was wearing her socks, no shoes, and started pounding on the SUV screaming at the man to leave (not very nicely of course!) She called him a stupid liquored up Mexican and some other racial slurs (the guy was WHITE by the way?!) and grabbed her kids out of the truck. The man sped off and left them there while she threw whatever she could find at the truck. She went into BK with her two boys and I sat there contemplating my next move.
Well since I was also having a bad "man day" I decided that I would at the very least go ask her if she was ok and if she needed anything.
So I went inside, refilled my Dr Pepper and asked her "Are you ok?" She gave me the most SPITEFUL HATEFUL look I have ever seen and said "now that THAT bast**d is gone I'm just fine!". I looked at the two boys who were visibily shaking and asked "Is there anybody you can stay with? Friend or relatives you coudl call to come get you?" She said very angrily "Not anymore THANKS TO YOU!!" I was SHOCKED that she was angry with ME and said "WHAT?! Why What did I do? I don't even know you. I was just sitting there enjoying my dinner when you pulled up screaming and yelling next to me. Just figured I'd see if you were ok and needed anyhelp. I'm having the same kind of day you are! " She told me "shut up b--ch and mind your own gddmn business!"
Wow. Try to help and it once again comes back to bite me in the butt!
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
dobie, first of all, i'm sorry that you're getting this news about your ex. even though you're not with him anymore, it hurts just the same to be lied to and cheated on, especially when you think things are looking up for both of you! i know how it feels, believe me, and i still struggle with it every day.
as for that woman, who knows. no good deed goes unpunished, i guess. at least in your heart you knew you were trying to help and be supportive... she was probably just too emotional and couldn't think straight. i know i get like that sometimes.
as for that woman, who knows. no good deed goes unpunished, i guess. at least in your heart you knew you were trying to help and be supportive... she was probably just too emotional and couldn't think straight. i know i get like that sometimes.
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well I'm starting to figure out that the world's problems are all my fault lately! (Just kidding. I know they aren't!) But MAN! I can't believe I'd hear it from a total stranger! Her poor little boys. I feel so bad for them.
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oh gosh dobie. too bad you couldn't get the license plate and report it to children services. i feel so horrible for children that live in that kind of situation 
i hope that finding out about the bartender will help you be able to move on better. it had to be a real eye opener, huh?
i hope that finding out about the bartender will help you be able to move on better. it had to be a real eye opener, huh?
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Originally Posted by hopeangel 
i hope that finding out about the bartender will help you be able to move on better. it had to be a real eye opener, huh?
<b>him:</b> "I'm really done this time. I've learned my lesson. Give me another chance and I will show you!"
<b>me:</b> "I've given you lots of chances and you've shown me alright with Angie, Michelle, Eileen, Lena, Rose, and Dee"!
Couldn't actually prove anything happened with ANY of them but the fact that there is enough suspicion with THAT MANY should be enough to REMIND ME what an AS* he is!
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I am sorry to hear that you have found this out, diva, however I am a sneaky feeling that this might be a crucial point in your healing from the whole sorry mess. I don't think my ex was cheating on me whilst we were together (we worked and lived together so not sure when he'd have found the time), but I am fairly sure now that he "overlapped" me and his ex-wife in the beginning and he certainly took no time in replacing me once I'd gone. In fact, he tried his damndest to get me back for 9 months, even when he was engaged to his next victim. And he is doing the same thing to her, by all accounts.
Once I realised that people aren't $hits in isolation and that if he was behaving appallingly towards me, and I knew he had behaved like that to at least one other woman (in hindsight) then it was a theme in his life and it allowed me to de-personalise the situation and move on. Whilst it is painful now, I hope you will see that this information is really a godsend.
Once I realised that people aren't $hits in isolation and that if he was behaving appallingly towards me, and I knew he had behaved like that to at least one other woman (in hindsight) then it was a theme in his life and it allowed me to de-personalise the situation and move on. Whilst it is painful now, I hope you will see that this information is really a godsend.
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
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Originally Posted by dobiediva
The "funniest" thing about it is he claimed she was pursuing him and he was blowing her off (cuz he's such a stud!) then about 5 minutes later he said "She won't even accept my calls! how could I be seeing someone who won't even answer the phone?" Hmmmm....was I not supposed to catch that?!
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Oh my goodness DD, I don't want to giggle at your misfortune, but the whole incident is rather humerous when you think about it,,,
I guess the spirits (hp) were telling ya to stop being a CODIE,,,LOL
That woman, pretty much shouted it to you IN YOUR FACE!!!! lol,,the only down fall, her 2 children had to witness it,,
Doesn't mean you can't be concerned and compassionate, but you shoulda stayed in the car and enjoyed them hot wings,,,
Don't let it tarnish your WONDERFUL giving spirit, jsut realize, some day, your better off rollin up your window,,,,
Peace
I guess the spirits (hp) were telling ya to stop being a CODIE,,,LOL
That woman, pretty much shouted it to you IN YOUR FACE!!!! lol,,the only down fall, her 2 children had to witness it,,
Doesn't mean you can't be concerned and compassionate, but you shoulda stayed in the car and enjoyed them hot wings,,,
Don't let it tarnish your WONDERFUL giving spirit, jsut realize, some day, your better off rollin up your window,,,,
Peace
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Sorry to hear it. The common theme in the blame game going on, even from strangers, seems to be alcohol. Yay.
Minnie, you already know this, but thought I'd share for others - I also worked and lived with AH pretty much 24/7. I was shocked at what I later found out, as I thought I was dealing with a couple isolated incidents. Where DID he find the time LOL?
Minnie, you already know this, but thought I'd share for others - I also worked and lived with AH pretty much 24/7. I was shocked at what I later found out, as I thought I was dealing with a couple isolated incidents. Where DID he find the time LOL?
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
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my ex was involved with/married to several bartenders in his life. in fact, when my ex met me, i was working in a bar for only a few weeks, helping a friend who owned a bar - my friend was on vacay and i was watching his bar at night for him while he was gone.
where else would they meet someone?
blessings, k
where else would they meet someone?
blessings, k
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One of his "excuses" for not being ABLE to cheat on me was he was with me ALL THE TIME. Not true. He left work at 5:30 and would usually go home (to his house) and not come over here til 9:30-10:00 after the kids went to bed. So that gave him PLENTY of time for "extracurricular activites". MOST of the women I mentioned he had met online. I usually busted him by snooping into his email and prevented the actual "meeting" but the INTENTION was still there and as far as I'm concerned that's JUST AS BAD!
And yes, that big ol' woman propbably was SCREAMING at me to stop being a codie. But ya know what? I don't think that was a codie moment, just concerned. If I were in her shoes I would've wanted someone to ask if I was ok. In my opinion it is NEVER ok to stand by and just watch if kids are involved--EVER! The help was offered. When she copped an attitude I left. The codie in me wanted to call the cops and have them go there to question her. The "normal" person in me said I did what I could. Its up to her and the staff at BK now.
And yes, that big ol' woman propbably was SCREAMING at me to stop being a codie. But ya know what? I don't think that was a codie moment, just concerned. If I were in her shoes I would've wanted someone to ask if I was ok. In my opinion it is NEVER ok to stand by and just watch if kids are involved--EVER! The help was offered. When she copped an attitude I left. The codie in me wanted to call the cops and have them go there to question her. The "normal" person in me said I did what I could. Its up to her and the staff at BK now.
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Dobie,
You said you have ninety days to move on with out him around....actually you have the rest of your life to move on if you CHOOSE to.
Earthworm
You said you have ninety days to move on with out him around....actually you have the rest of your life to move on if you CHOOSE to.
Earthworm
Originally Posted by dobiediva
Found out that ExABF had been seeing some bartender the entire last month we were together when I thought things had been going well (even called her the night I had him arrested for drunk driving--was planning on staying at HER house but she wouldn't answer the phone so he came here! OUCH!). He of course denied it but he's in jail now and can't do a darn thing to try to manipulate me into believing his excuses and LIES. I have 90 days to move on without him interferring! He has 90 days to try to figure out which of his "friends" betrayed him by telling me (of course I didn't tell him how I found out. Let him wonder and stew over the next 90 days!)
Anyway I was having a bad day yesterday over all of this so I went to get my favorite Buffalo Wild Wings take out and sat in the parking lot of Burger King to eat it when an SUV came FLYING into the parking spot next to me just barely missing my car. I could hear a man and a woman screaming at each other (it was 90 degrees out so all my windows and theirs were down). She called that man every name in the book and screamed and hollered so much I was debating rolling up the windows (but didn't because I was afraid that would look too obvious that I was paying attention to them--not that I could help it when she was 6 inches from my car!)
Anyway, she started yelling "Get out! Get out!" and I noticed she was talking to her two children (who looked TERRIFIED!). She was wearing her socks, no shoes, and started pounding on the SUV screaming at the man to leave (not very nicely of course!) She called him a stupid liquored up Mexican and some other racial slurs (the guy was WHITE by the way?!) and grabbed her kids out of the truck. The man sped off and left them there while she threw whatever she could find at the truck. She went into BK with her two boys and I sat there contemplating my next move.
Well since I was also having a bad "man day" I decided that I would at the very least go ask her if she was ok and if she needed anything.
So I went inside, refilled my Dr Pepper and asked her "Are you ok?" She gave me the most SPITEFUL HATEFUL look I have ever seen and said "now that THAT bast**d is gone I'm just fine!". I looked at the two boys who were visibily shaking and asked "Is there anybody you can stay with? Friend or relatives you coudl call to come get you?" She said very angrily "Not anymore THANKS TO YOU!!" I was SHOCKED that she was angry with ME and said "WHAT?! Why What did I do? I don't even know you. I was just sitting there enjoying my dinner when you pulled up screaming and yelling next to me. Just figured I'd see if you were ok and needed anyhelp. I'm having the same kind of day you are! " She told me "shut up b--ch and mind your own gddmn business!"
Wow. Try to help and it once again comes back to bite me in the butt!
Anyway I was having a bad day yesterday over all of this so I went to get my favorite Buffalo Wild Wings take out and sat in the parking lot of Burger King to eat it when an SUV came FLYING into the parking spot next to me just barely missing my car. I could hear a man and a woman screaming at each other (it was 90 degrees out so all my windows and theirs were down). She called that man every name in the book and screamed and hollered so much I was debating rolling up the windows (but didn't because I was afraid that would look too obvious that I was paying attention to them--not that I could help it when she was 6 inches from my car!)
Anyway, she started yelling "Get out! Get out!" and I noticed she was talking to her two children (who looked TERRIFIED!). She was wearing her socks, no shoes, and started pounding on the SUV screaming at the man to leave (not very nicely of course!) She called him a stupid liquored up Mexican and some other racial slurs (the guy was WHITE by the way?!) and grabbed her kids out of the truck. The man sped off and left them there while she threw whatever she could find at the truck. She went into BK with her two boys and I sat there contemplating my next move.
Well since I was also having a bad "man day" I decided that I would at the very least go ask her if she was ok and if she needed anything.
So I went inside, refilled my Dr Pepper and asked her "Are you ok?" She gave me the most SPITEFUL HATEFUL look I have ever seen and said "now that THAT bast**d is gone I'm just fine!". I looked at the two boys who were visibily shaking and asked "Is there anybody you can stay with? Friend or relatives you coudl call to come get you?" She said very angrily "Not anymore THANKS TO YOU!!" I was SHOCKED that she was angry with ME and said "WHAT?! Why What did I do? I don't even know you. I was just sitting there enjoying my dinner when you pulled up screaming and yelling next to me. Just figured I'd see if you were ok and needed anyhelp. I'm having the same kind of day you are! " She told me "shut up b--ch and mind your own gddmn business!"
Wow. Try to help and it once again comes back to bite me in the butt!
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dobie.....sorry hun. been there. at first i really wanted him to explain it all away, because i couldn't bear to think that he had shared with another woman what was so special between us. yea. right. uh-huh. i had a lot to learn.
i'm sorry you have to feel the pain for hearing about this other woman. in my case, i found out where there was one, there had been several.
we deserve better. we deserve respect. we deserve honor. we deserve good things. we deserve peace. i had to make it happen for myself.
i truly understand how hard it is to let go.
i'm sorry you have to feel the pain for hearing about this other woman. in my case, i found out where there was one, there had been several.
we deserve better. we deserve respect. we deserve honor. we deserve good things. we deserve peace. i had to make it happen for myself.
i truly understand how hard it is to let go.
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Denny, you are so right with what you said. Although, I do believe I gave him enough drama to satisfy him at the time. It just doesn't matter to me anymore, though. Actually, cheating pales into insignificance when I counsider the more insidious stuff he did, despite the fact that cheating is a deal breaker for me. In fact, it was my only deal breaker for a long time. Not any more!
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I'll tell ya what: it sure made the uncertainty I was feeling about having called the police go away! I am SOOOOOOOO Happy that it was me that called now! He even stated that as one of the reasons I supposedly called. Too bad I didn't know about her then. I wouldn't have had to go through the emotional hell I went through feeling bad about what he was losing! But then that would've given him time and opportunity to figure out a way out of that too. No, this is a GOOD time to know. Will be easier I hope to stay the heck away from him! Just like jail/rehab forces him to stay sober for the next 90 days, this is forcing my sobriety--except I want this--MORE THAN ANYTHING right now! So let's hope it helps and that I will have the strength and tools to reject him (and anybody else who would do this to me!) when he gets out!
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Just as an aside I once read about a woman whose husband would say he was going to the store and really be gone for only 15 minutes or so (unlike our As). She followed him one day and he was meeting a gf in a parking lot for a quickie. That was an undemanding gf that the wife caught, ey?
Oh Dobes, when it's over you know it. And it sounds like you've had enough to me. Just one thing - don't think of comebacks, think of ways to stop all communication. Caller ID, a shredder to get rid of the letters you aren't going to open, etc.
And I think this "relationship" is in his head. If the person won't take your calls then you're not really even friends much less dating, imo. What a maroon! Again, not that it really matters but his rotten intentions are clear.
Oh Dobes, when it's over you know it. And it sounds like you've had enough to me. Just one thing - don't think of comebacks, think of ways to stop all communication. Caller ID, a shredder to get rid of the letters you aren't going to open, etc.
And I think this "relationship" is in his head. If the person won't take your calls then you're not really even friends much less dating, imo. What a maroon! Again, not that it really matters but his rotten intentions are clear.
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I don't think that was a codie moment, just concerned.
You handled the situation perfectly,,,
And as far as the emotional termoil you went through when you called the police, I remember VIVIDLY the day you posted about that. I can't tell you how much I needed to read someone else going through it. I had just done the same thing. So, I'm sorry for the pain, but GIRL am I GLAD you were there!!! A positive from a negative? Me thinks the spirits work in some strange ways.
You sound stronger,,,,
Peace
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I'm trying to stay as strong as I can. Every time the phone rings I jump thinking it might be him. He called 10 times yesterday. I should've picked up and permanently blocked the calls from the jail but couldn't bring myself to do it. So I just let the machine pick it up every time. He'll get the hint eventually if I don't answer. And if he doesn't then I will have no choice but to block the calls. Hasn't tried calling at all today. I need to turn my heart off for awhile. The last time he was in jail (3 years ago) for 6 weeks not one single person visited him. That's so sad! He was so depressed when he went in. Part of me feels like I'm all he has left but truth is he doesn't have me anymore either. Breaks my heart, but so does infidelity!! I plan on calling tomorrow to go get tested for STD's. Better safe than sorry! I think the reason I have such difficulty with this is because I don't have proof that he actually DID anything with this girl. But in my warped state of mind I could probably have actually WALKED IN ON THEM and STILL found a reason to stay! If that isn't sick nothing is! 
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But in my warped state of mind I could probably have actually WALKED IN ON THEM and STILL found a reason to stay! If that isn't sick nothing is!
Ok, if my phone was ringing offf the hook, like it once was, I'd be stuffing it under a pillow. All that ever did was let him take up space in my head. Took me a while to figure it out, cause in my "illness" I was secretly getting a warm and fuzzy feeling that he was so obseesed an din love with me?!?!? Did you ever think that? Ok, I won't respond for a while and when I fianlly do, he'll profess his undying love and regret for all the injustices he did to me. Then the day comes and you say, ok NOW I'll pick up the phone cause I could USE warm and fuzzy and he slaps ya UNSIDE THE HEAD with how its all your fault, calls you every name in the book, argues why what he did was right and how your a crazy bitch,,,QUACK<QUACK<QUACK
Ummmmmmm,,not excatly the warm and fuzzy I looked forward tooo
Now I play the tape through,,,
And BLOCK his dumb ass numbers
Peace
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