Oh-Riley

I have an alcoholic friend who hurt me one last time. My health is bad right now and she acted like she couldn't care less. I'm supposed to sympathize with HER, but she can't even acknowledge that I'm having a stressful time.

I cut off contact with her, after telling her exactly why (by email). She's in another state, so it wasn't hard.

I feel better already. She may be one of those people who has to hit rock-bottom before she admits she needs help. I can't help her. I am not an alcoholic and can't understand her. Maybe a recovering alcholic can help her.

Has anybody else done this, and did it work?

kglast

only you know for sure whether you did the "right thing" for YOU.

not sure what you mean by "Has anyone done this and did it work?"

what is considered "working"?? what are you trying to accomplish?

StandingStrong

I have found that cutting toxic people out of my life has been hard - and very rewarding. Some of the toxic people have not been addicts! But not having their drama, their issues, etc. has given me time to focus on my own recovery. And not having the pain that was brought to my life by their presence has also helped me in finding serenity.
Cutting the toxic people out of my life was good for me.
No one can tell you that what to do or what is right for you - as only you can decide that. But I'd guess to say that since this alcoholic friend of yours has hurt you "again" - you realize that it's an ongoing issue and you've dealt with it. Allowing her to find her own bottom and hopefully recovery. But there is nothing wrong with defending yourself and taking care of yourself. And you have the right to protect yourself - from not only addicts, but from anyone and everyone that hurts you or causes you ill feelings.

denny57

I've had to cut contact with toxic people, too. I think it would bother me if I did it in anger, but if it's done to save my own sanity, it's very much worth it.

mallowcup

Exactly denny! We can all get into toxic realtionships. If a person can cut contact to save their sanity, great. It's when we think we can manipulate them into recovery that we have trouble, that's when we allow them to define us. Life is not a contest to see how little we can settle for. It is about finding a mate that lives up to an unmovable standard of character.

fluffyflea

You are doing this for YOU not for her. She has her own path to go on. You need to focus on you.

Earthworm

Oh-Riley

Thanks, gang! I'm not really mad at her; I'm just taking care of ME. I don't expect her to recover because of this. I know that would be too much to expect. I can't change another person's whole life.

Rella927

As others have said you need to focus on you and you are right you cannot change another person's whole life because you cannot change their life at all, it is something they need to do

CE Girl

Hi oh-riley,,,Welcome to SR

I actually had to do sort of the same thing once. With my DA sister. She had gotten so bad, I finally had to tell her, her illness was making me sick and I needed to take care fo myelf. I told her, "I will always love you because your my sister, but right now, I can't be your friend" and cut off all contact. Hard too, cause her son was my godson, and seeing i had 3 girls, more like a son and she wouldn't let me see him.

No, you can't "expect" her to do anything. All you can do is move on and take care of you. Thats what I did. But the strangest things happened.

Three days after I had this conversation with my sister, she called from a rehab.

She had checked herself in and was detoxing, but wanted me to know, it was what I said that led her to do it. She didn't want to lose my friendship.

She stayed clean and sober for 13 years after that.

so, you NEVER know,,,

Peace

Spiritual Seeker

Throughout my life I have out-grown,grown apart or terminated friendships which had previously been very close. I've come to accept this is a normal function as I progress on my journey. Not many relationships are meant to last forever. The very few that are truly lifelong I really cherish.