steve11694

Was your A messy? Did your home become a pigs nest, unless you cleaned? Am I the only one who experienced this? Are some alcoholics tidy, organized and neat at home?

loveRoy

Not only did he not care about the home, inside and out, he didn't care about his own hygiene. The more he drank, the nastier he got. Sad to watch.

TexasGirl

I don't think that there is a direct tie. In my marriage, I was the messier of the two of us. *blushes*

SaTiT

it's just depends...I'm ex-military so, I'm Mr. tidty.
that's whats mask it even longer, it takes on an obsession of it's own.
i use to polish the damn door knob once a week
oki doki...i even wipe the dust off that's on top of the door..lol

i took two to three showers a day..due to habits.
in the morning , after work and before I went to sleep..
But i was still drinking and using everyday.

my gf however likes to leave damn coat hangers on the floor.
it use to drive me insane walking on cold coat hangers in the
morning..it'll pick them up everday but alway wake up to walking
on freaken cold coat hangers under my feet.

In recovery..

so we did a little compremise...we had an extra room. We throw
all of our junks in it to keep the house clean.
We had to do that becuase when i was rasing two little girls..
they like to bring out thier toys and it made a mess in the living room
or the den. But having that extra room was bascially a big ass closet
to keep the mess out of our living space and it was eaier to clean the house
or their room. Every other months or so, we'll go through the junk room
and clean it. And the girs would find their lost toys or barbies and off they went.lol

And so I wouldn't go into a convultion..lol
and the girl can live and enjoy thier lives.
my gf and I stopped fighting becuase the house wasn't a big wreack
all the time. We both had jobs...i rahter spen time with her and the girls
instead of cleaning house all the damn time.

Bascially that samething as I did when I was in the military
I threw all of stuff in my closet and locked it, becuase my room had to
look like a clean hotel room everyday.

if you look in the sticky of acoa triats...
I'll either over achive or under achive..that middle ground is a doozer.lol

Pick-a-name

MY exAH is becoming more and more a neat freak.....he is much more organized and clean,etc than am I! Also; a better $ manager;go figure. He likes things his way and to be in control. (well,who doesn't? ha? ) One reason why he lives alone now, I think. The chaos and mess of kids (although older) and dogs,etc really is more than he seems to be able to handle the past few years.

His dad has become more and more the same in the thurty plus years I've know him (and yes, he has "issues",too). His mom was more easy going and adaptable.

ritabee

My ex is very anal about having a clean apartment. He never had a problem with doing the cleaning himself and is always on my case because my apartment is cluttered (geez, 3 females and 3 cats, go figure). However his personal hygiene always left much to be desired.

I just recently came to the conclusion that his life is out of control. His drinking, sex addiction, compulsions for just about everything he does. He tries to control me and my children but that isn't working for him. The only thing he has control over is his apartment. Not sure if 15 years of military life factors into that too.

WhatAboutME

Ditto for me what loveroy said. A once neat and groomed man who was also tidy and organized at home, gone. I've seen him ferment in the same shorts he urinated in for 3 days in a row. Sad, and really gross.

minnie

My ex was a neat freak. Another control issue. However, he was only superficially neat - the paperwork might have been in a nice pile, but the contents were a mess. Story of his life.

(I hope I am the exact opposite - I not the tidiest of people, but I know where everything is and where I am at with almost all of it. I am working on the tidy bit - another bit of rebellion left over from having a total control freak of a mother.)

CE Girl

My A was clean. We actually were very compatible in that area. I remember when I first met him, his landlord told me he was a slob? I never saw any evidence of that.

In fact, we worked well together. Both enjoying the "futzin" of making the building a "home".

Strange how neither the alkie or the codie had to have control in that situation

Hmmmmmm,,just a thought. When we "remember the past" its doesn't have to be all about the dysfunction does it?

Peace

Astro

I'm a neat freak. In fact I'm a tiny bit more relaxed about it sober than when I was drinking. I did my best to keep the house spotless and the yard trimmed. Of course, working outside also gave me a way to sneak drinks that I hid in the garage or bushes. It was definitely a control thing though. I figured she'd never kick me out as long as I contributed to the housework. WRONG again.

MsGolightly

my ex was neater than i was, although she had messy days, she often went nuts trying to clean every spot!

kglast

My XAF was very organized and neat and was very particular about his personal hygeine. He also was very partiucular about the yard....doesn't seem to be a direct tie...

Pick-a-name

I decided that,too. His little condo and washing his car.

Pick-a-name

Ha....that's the reason mine said he was moving out! The kids and I weren't up to his standards! (and he wasn't helping anymore...with the house OR the kids). He was always more of a Felix Unger, but not in a bad way the first 20 years.....the worse the drinking etc. got,the more compulsive he got about the cleaning and trying to keep the kids and me "in line" in general. (You can imagine how that went with mid-late teenagers...ugh)

Definitely a control thing for him,too. IMHO

StandingStrong

In the very early days (major drinking, infants, etc) our house really got out of control sometimes. I just couldn't keep on everything myself.

Then came a time where the house was so organized and clean that my A would complain that he felt like he was a guest in his own house because he was uncomfortable because it was "too clean".

Then came my working third shift, his increase in drinking again, and things got out of control again as I was struggling to do all, be all, and take care of everything. He, of course, complained again that it wasn't clean enough.

In truth - my A is the type that is "tidy" in the aspect of when you walk into his area, it appears to be neat. Though he doesn't dust or things of that nature. It's what I call "Surface tidy". However, he's also a clutter bug so don't look in closets, etc.

From my own past marriage with my A - I believe that from his outlook......if the house "appeared" to be "tidy", he somehow saw that as his life wasn't falling apart and unmanageable.
(In reality, the house was falling down around him in more ways than one. From the actual house itself to his marriage, his relationship with the kids, his own life, etc) but it was "surface tidy" so it reinforced keeping him in denial.