Loreena

Hi all, Hope you are having a good long weekend, the sun is out here and a cool breeze is blowing....I wish I could enjoy it more than I am. My AH is in yet another detox and going into another program...for God knows how long, leaving me to pay the very high mortgage and bills and taking care of everything as usual yet again.

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, you see I am realizing that my life today is an exact replica of what it was 5 years ago. I left him and then took him back after he got out of jail (too many DUIs for this state) and he had been sober for awhile. We did at one time have 10 happy years, I guess I still had hope he had sobered up for the long haul but not the case. This past year he has relapsed several time but I was so foolish as to purchase a home with little money down that I needed 2 incomes to pay for. Beleive me right now when I say that is th only thing that is tying me to him anymore. I feel sorry for him but have detached from him emotionally, he is never there for me, doesn't have that ability, no active drunk has that ability and I know it. So I have sought emotional support through Alanon, this forum and counceling and my church, it is getting better but I still feel lower then a snakes belly right now. I have made some very big mistakes in my life but this one takes the cake. live and learn I guess. I hope this time I've learned my lesson. I did go and see a lawyer for the inevitable financial quandry I will be in when I try to sell the house and get out from under. Let me say that this is much better then having to stay in this situation for much longer. Loosing my excellent credit is going to do a number on me but that is a small price to pay. I am emotionally unstable, crying all the time, full of fear and regret and pain. I do today have the choice though to be happy and live in the day and get off the damn pity pot.

I'm going to go work in my garden,

I am rambling, it feels good to share, thanks for listening.


L

WantsOut

Sometimes we deserve some time on the pitypot. We've earned it. I know how the money stuff hurts, especially the good credit. It's easy to say it's small, but it hurts and I understand why you're hurting.

It sounds like you're ready to strike out on your own. I'm finding that is harder than it looked too but it's so much better than the "groundhog's day" of being married to an alcoholic.

Hugs and I hope you feel better soon. I hate to make practical suggestions cause they can be annoying, but is there any hope of renting the place out, taking roommates, anything like that?

Loreena

Thanks wants out, I laughed so hard about the groundhog day thing...thanks for making me laugh, it is sooo true isn't it!!!

I've done so much soul searching on what the right thing is to do about this house, I'm still deciding and hopefully this time it will be the right decision whether it is a roomate or whatever. It was what I wanted but it didn't work out. I guess that is okay, I had so much hope but hope is shattered so we move on, can't quit, can't lay down and die. have to laugh again.

thanks, L

loveRoy

I know what it is like to have hope but then have it shattered. Everyday I have to say to myself, "It is what it is." Is it easy? No. I am trying very hard not to be bitter but sometimes that is tough. Gotta keep on going.

FormerDoormat

"I hate to make practical suggestions cause they can be annoying..."

They're called "practical suggestions," because, well, they're practical and they make sense.

WantsOut

True enough, FDM. If she was just looking for a place to boohoo, I wanted to give her that space. Oh look at me, the codie, dancing around people's feelings again. Or is it simply being compassionate? If I knew the answer I would be well