Child Visitation Rights
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 27
Child Visitation Rights
Hi Everyone,
As of last Friday, I separated from my AH and my 3-year old daughter and I moved into a townhome of our own. (Yeah, me!! Boundaries!!!)
I have not yet consulted a lawyer, but as time marches on, I feel less and less hope for our marriage. AH is now 47 days sober, but the mistrust runs deeper than I even realized. Plus, even DD has picked up on the fact that Daddy is never in a good mood and is telling everyone that from the cashier at the grocery store to new neighbors. He is certainly not setting a good example... even sober. Lots of drama, frustration, poor me, etc.
What I wanted to know is just a general question. I know this varies by state. What is your experience with AH getting visitation with a young child? There is a history of him drinking while watching her (and... turns my stomach) driving. He understands that she needs to be with me FT for now, but what about long-term? I would like full custody, but would they have a court-appointed person for his visitations with her? Do I have to be there for each visit? How does that work?
The hardest part right now is that we cannot truly separate with no contact b/c she's in the middle. He came over for dinner last night and after putting her to bed, we wound up in the same cycle of "20 questions" and "believe what you want to believe!" You guys know how that goes. I just want my space for now... little contact with him.
I'd love to hear from some people who have gone through this with kids. How much did the kids see their Dad each week?? Were you present? As of now, I just cannot trust him with her alone... NO WAY!
Thanks!
TroubledNC
As of last Friday, I separated from my AH and my 3-year old daughter and I moved into a townhome of our own. (Yeah, me!! Boundaries!!!)
I have not yet consulted a lawyer, but as time marches on, I feel less and less hope for our marriage. AH is now 47 days sober, but the mistrust runs deeper than I even realized. Plus, even DD has picked up on the fact that Daddy is never in a good mood and is telling everyone that from the cashier at the grocery store to new neighbors. He is certainly not setting a good example... even sober. Lots of drama, frustration, poor me, etc.
What I wanted to know is just a general question. I know this varies by state. What is your experience with AH getting visitation with a young child? There is a history of him drinking while watching her (and... turns my stomach) driving. He understands that she needs to be with me FT for now, but what about long-term? I would like full custody, but would they have a court-appointed person for his visitations with her? Do I have to be there for each visit? How does that work?
The hardest part right now is that we cannot truly separate with no contact b/c she's in the middle. He came over for dinner last night and after putting her to bed, we wound up in the same cycle of "20 questions" and "believe what you want to believe!" You guys know how that goes. I just want my space for now... little contact with him.
I'd love to hear from some people who have gone through this with kids. How much did the kids see their Dad each week?? Were you present? As of now, I just cannot trust him with her alone... NO WAY!
Thanks!
TroubledNC
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
Until you have a document giving you custody with a visitation order, he can see her whenever he wants, he can take her and he can keep her. She is as much his as yours. If he wants to take her and she has been drinking, call the police. I'd make custody a priority.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,061
I'll give you the alcoholic side. I had about two months of sobriety when my ex showed me the door. At the time there was no custody agreement in place, so we made up our own. I picked up our kids every morning to take them to school, had them overnights on Wed. & then every weekend for 24 hours. Never was supervised, thank God she trusted me enough. A year later we went back for mediation and I was able to get 50/50 time with them.
I had it pretty easy concerning custody, if I'd been drinking it wouldn't have been a safe situation. If you suspect he's drinking, take measures to protect your daughter.
I had it pretty easy concerning custody, if I'd been drinking it wouldn't have been a safe situation. If you suspect he's drinking, take measures to protect your daughter.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Can't offer any insight as I've never been involved in a custody dispute. Have you talked to an attorney yet? The initial consultation is free. Like Mallow said, I'd make a legal custody agreement my first order of business.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: small town, USA
Posts: 50
Maybe
It's possible that you might be better off delaying a custody agreement. Because then YOU are not limited or required to do anything in regard to visitation. If you decide to restrict visitation, there is no court order in place that you'd be violating. This might be a choice for you if (a) AH is not likely to pursue court action on his own, and (b) AH is not likely to have a lot of initiative about visiting.
That way, you're not locking yourself into any requirements until you settle in and see how it's all going. Good advice I got here at SR was to invite AH to your place periodically so that you can monitor without hovering, and so you can boot him if he's drunk! Best wishes.
That way, you're not locking yourself into any requirements until you settle in and see how it's all going. Good advice I got here at SR was to invite AH to your place periodically so that you can monitor without hovering, and so you can boot him if he's drunk! Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 66
The courts will allow visitaion for him unless you can prove to them that he is unfit.Then a third party would be allowed to supervise visits.
My friend had this problem with her daughter.The solution was when he came for visitation it was not in her home.He was allowed to toot his car horn and the child would come out. She didn't allow him in the house,She didn't allow him at the door.The only contact she ever had with him was by telephone and then only if there was an health issue or something of that nature.
When you split from him the only common bond is your child.Keep him out of your life so you can have your own.
My friend had this problem with her daughter.The solution was when he came for visitation it was not in her home.He was allowed to toot his car horn and the child would come out. She didn't allow him in the house,She didn't allow him at the door.The only contact she ever had with him was by telephone and then only if there was an health issue or something of that nature.
When you split from him the only common bond is your child.Keep him out of your life so you can have your own.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
As far as custody, I know that at least in California, the judge awards status quo, leaning towards the female. Staus quo is where the children are now, and how long they've been there.
I lucked out. My ex wigged out and ran off to Oregon with her boy toy. I was "left" with my two teenage daughters. I am more than happy to "have to" take care of them.
Supervised visitation is uncommon as far as I know.
I lucked out. My ex wigged out and ran off to Oregon with her boy toy. I was "left" with my two teenage daughters. I am more than happy to "have to" take care of them.
Supervised visitation is uncommon as far as I know.
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