rosie323

Hi Everyone - so last Thursday my significant other who started recovery 4 weeks back said he wanted to take a break for a few weeks - after suddenly becoming being very hurtful, cold, and angry during his recovery. I had no choice but to agree and have been so good, haven't contact him in the past 8 days - totally focused on me - began working out again, eating better, sleeping properly - have been so happy and at peace, can't believe how quickly this time went by. Wednesday though, he emailed my sister for her address (which he does have) to send a few of her things back which she had been asking for. He used to always say the 3 of us are a unit, so also asked if she thinks we will all ever go back to being a unit. She responded not sure since you treated my sister very badly. He never responded. This was his chance to explain his actions to her, say sorry, or at least acknowledge what he did. I woke up today thinking about all this, upset that he didn't email her, wondering if he is still on the road to recovery, did he fall back, I miss him today alot and so badly wish I could just call or that he would call.

I felt I was on such a good path these last several days, but now back to the thoughts, the concern, the sadness, and the wonder if he cares - does it ever get better and stay better??

minnie

Yup. I can say it does from where I am sitting.

He is very early into recovery. If he is working the Steps, amends come after a lot of hard work and time. TBH, any amends that happen after 4 weeks of recovery might just need to be redone after working through the other steps, particularly Step 4.

I know that I had a lot of amends to make once I got into recovery. Although I am no longer going to al-anon, I see making amends to be a big part of being a healthy adult and I shall continue to make them when the oppotunity and desire arises.

Are you getting any counselling or going to al-anon?

parentrecovers

you getting to alanon meetings, rosie? they really help me..

blessings, k

denny57

(((rosie))) difficult as it is, it isn't for me to say just what is or isn't someone else's "chance" to do anything. Everyone travels their own road to recovery.

I also found Al-Anon extremely helpful in my own recovery.

CE Girl

I can relate Rosie. I'm just a tad past the month mark of leaving my A and now struggling to obey my own boundries. No contact.

Its only been 5 days. Each and every day, I "wish" I could have contact. But I know, for MY own recovery, that is not possible. What I do to get past the "weak moments".

I remember the peace I've had these last 5 days.

Like you, I am finding a "routine" that is totally mine, working out, eating right and getting enough sleep for a change. My A was at the point his sleep was disrupted a number of times through the night, which in turn, disturbed me. I feels so good to sleep through the night. To go through a day without that "twisting" when its the time I know he's getting off work and worrying about what kind of condition he will be in when I get home is worth every uncomfortable "weak moment" I need to go through. It reminds me of why I left.

Keep your focus on YOU. Don't be distracted by the old codie behaviours that got you in the viscious cycle to begin with. do what you need to do till the "weak moment" passes. Posting on this board is one of them. Talk to whoever will listen and consider purusing the help that is most comfortable to you, (al anon, therapy, group therapy, support groups, ect).

As so many people here have been telling me as they held me in their hands, worry about YOU for a change, not the A and why he does the things he does.

Peace