Time2Heal123

My mom has been fighting alcoholism for years now. Things are up and down, up and down. A few weeks ago, she decided to get wasted so that she could tell her BF to move out because he hasn't had a job in over two years and she was sick of supporting him. That night, he killed himself in front of her house. It was a drama filled event to say the least. I stayed w/ her for a week. We immediately began going to counseling which seemed to help, but she was sneaking behind my back. I decided I needed to go, to get back to my life and work. She's kept herself busy for the past three weeks by repainting the entire interior of her house, cleaning, washing windows, etc. Now that her "to do" list is running out all she has is time to think, and oh... feel. She didn't let herself feel what she was feeling at the time and now its hitting her like a ton of bricks.

Well, things have gone completely downhill from there. I'm trying to work the program, detach, etc. She's been on a binge since Sunday. I talked to her yesterday and just couldn't stand it so I remembered my boundaries and told her I needed to let her go. Today, she isn't answering the phone. I am so worried about her. I want to get in my car and go over there just to see if she's okay. If I do that, I will be rescuing her and I am trying so, SO hard not to do that. I am learning to let go, but God does this hurt.

denny57

(((time2heal)))

Is there someone in the area who could check on her for you - a neighbor? Sometimes it's necessary to ease one's mind and I think this is one of those times.

Good luck with everything.

Sunflower

oh how awful---that suicide will just add to your moms dispair even more!!!
Denny is right have someone check on her--you can only do what you can do---praying for you....

mallowcup

Like any child who couldn't reach their mother by phone,I think you should do what any child would do. Just because she has been binging doesn't take away the trama of that event. Your mother has a coping problem and she had a horrible event to cope with. I think sometimes in certain circumstances our normal pattern in recovery has to take a different route to the same end.
If I were a well adjusted normal person and someone came over and killed themself out in front of my house, I would be profoundly effected. This fellow made sure to make her regret making him move out. It was a cruel, desperate and selfish thing for him to do. This would tramatize a normal person.
I don't think any recovery program should negate the normal concern and compassion for someone who experienced this horrible event.
What would anyone do who couldn't reach their mother by phone?
If you feel you don't want to go over there, I understand that.
That doesnt' meant that each time you can't reach your mother by phone calling the police to go and check on her is wrong.
I mean eventually, how long would someone just not send the police to check and consider that length of time success in recovery?
You may be 98% sure she is sitting there in a stupor drunk. If this has become preoccupying to you, it is effecting you. You need for it not to become preoccupying so I'd call the police to go and check on her.
I would do this for a couple of reasons. 1. It's what any child would do. 2. If she's OK, next time she'll think about answering the phone or she can count on the police coming again. 3. If she's not OK, they can best do what needs doing. 4. You have intervened on your own terms.
I can easily see how this could engulf your life if you don't keep a distance.
She needs help you can't give her.
So what feels right to you and right means what's BEST for everyone.
I think being concerned and calling the appropriate help in is best.

ICU

Knowing 'me' I would go and check on her. I've done that several times with my parents, but for entirely different reasons.

I look at it this way...I have to live with the consequences of my choices. If I choose to check on them, odds are I'll find them to be ok. I can deal with that.

If I don't check on them and it turns out they are not ok, I personally could not live with that...Well, not easily anyway. Again, that's just me.

I wish you luck with whatever you decide is best for you.

parentrecovers

i'd be hard pressed not to go, or send someone. i'm so sorry for your situation. these choices are so difficult. blessings, and let us know how things work out. k

Time2Heal123

Thank you for your input.

My best friend went over and checked on her. She was curled up in a ball on the couch w/ her bottle of vodka sitting next to her. She's alive and that's what matters to me at this point. My friend made her a pot of coffee and some soup; she hasn't eaten in three days. I am going over a little later just to give her a hug and a kiss and tell her that I love her. I can't decide if I'm going over there for her or for myself. I need a hug and I need a kiss. I need her to hold me and tell me everything will be alright, but I recognize that probably won't happen either.

Right now, I'm scared that she will die from this disease. I'm pissed off at the disease and the pain it causes. I'm angry that her boyfriend did what he did. I'm hurt because of what he did. I'm sad because I miss my mom. I'm allowing myself to own these feelings. I feel a little relief just letting them out on here. One day at a time. I'm giving the reigns over to my Higher Power to guide me and help me through this.

Rella927

Time (((((hugs)))) You need to do what you need to do for you-do not question it if it is how you feel with this situation. You are aware and that is important-I was unable to see my father before this disease took him-Do what you what you feel is going to be right for yourself-

Prayers

Sunflower

((((hugs)))))