Living with an alcoholic
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 792
sad, things are only going to get worse, and much worse, until she decides for herself that she has a problem and wants to get help. and even then, it's recommended that she have a year of sobriety under her belt before she enter a relationship.
this ride isn't fun, and no matter how much you beg, cry, threaten, want her to change, want her to love you... it's never going to get there and be what you deserve unless she becomes serious about treatment. and even then, you risk a relapse and starting the entire process over again.
i highly recommend reading the posts of others who have been in your situation and who tried waiting it out, hoping things would get better. i think you'll find that's the rare case.
you're wanting to have a healthy, normal relationship with someone who isn't healthy or "normal." the chance of things improving at this rate are very slim. just my two cents.
this ride isn't fun, and no matter how much you beg, cry, threaten, want her to change, want her to love you... it's never going to get there and be what you deserve unless she becomes serious about treatment. and even then, you risk a relapse and starting the entire process over again.
i highly recommend reading the posts of others who have been in your situation and who tried waiting it out, hoping things would get better. i think you'll find that's the rare case.
you're wanting to have a healthy, normal relationship with someone who isn't healthy or "normal." the chance of things improving at this rate are very slim. just my two cents.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
She will start AA Classes tomorrow and we plan on going to church also. This relationship is not quite 7 months old. There have been a lot of highs. She is a wonderful person when she is sober. Everybody loves her..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by chero 
Best wishes, Sad! I'm glad she sees the need for AA.
Keep us posted! And remember to take care of yourself! What are you doing for you?
Keep us posted! And remember to take care of yourself! What are you doing for you?
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Sad, I'm wondering if your idea of a relationship "high" is a sober day with your girlfriend. You seem to titer rapidly and easily between "she's a mess and I can't stand another day with her" and "she's wonderful, everybody loves her, and I will stand faithfully by her side."
On the 23rd, you were ready to throw in the towel. Two days later, when she feared that you're about to bolt, she claims she'll attend AA, and now all is wonderful in your world. This is a common manipulation by a very sick, disturbed person. And once again, you fell for it lock, stock, and barrel.
You need Alanon as much, if not more, than your girlfriend needs AA. And here's why: your girlfriend's thoughts and actions are clouded by a mind-altering substance, so it makes sense that she'd be making poor life choices as a result. But you, on the other hand, are not using a mind-altering substance. So the choices you are making are not clouded by alcohol, yet they are equally poor.
At some point in the future, I hope you'll begin to realize that you are making one poor, self-destructive choice after another by choosing an active addict for your partner. Alanon has been suggested to you several times, as has counseling. You're not going to find the solutions to your troubles when and if your partner achieves sobriety, as your problems have nothing to do with her drinking. They have everything to do with your lack of self esteem, need to control and fix others, and attraction to folks who mistreat you.
Don't you think it's time to stop worrying about what your partner is doing and start to focus on what you are doing and WHY you are doing it? What are you afraid of?
On the 23rd, you were ready to throw in the towel. Two days later, when she feared that you're about to bolt, she claims she'll attend AA, and now all is wonderful in your world. This is a common manipulation by a very sick, disturbed person. And once again, you fell for it lock, stock, and barrel.
You need Alanon as much, if not more, than your girlfriend needs AA. And here's why: your girlfriend's thoughts and actions are clouded by a mind-altering substance, so it makes sense that she'd be making poor life choices as a result. But you, on the other hand, are not using a mind-altering substance. So the choices you are making are not clouded by alcohol, yet they are equally poor.
At some point in the future, I hope you'll begin to realize that you are making one poor, self-destructive choice after another by choosing an active addict for your partner. Alanon has been suggested to you several times, as has counseling. You're not going to find the solutions to your troubles when and if your partner achieves sobriety, as your problems have nothing to do with her drinking. They have everything to do with your lack of self esteem, need to control and fix others, and attraction to folks who mistreat you.
Don't you think it's time to stop worrying about what your partner is doing and start to focus on what you are doing and WHY you are doing it? What are you afraid of?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by FormerDoormat
Sad, I'm wondering if your idea of a relationship "high" is a sober day with your girlfriend. You seem to titer rapidly and easily between "she's a mess and I can't stand another day with her" and "she's wonderful, everybody loves her, and I will stand faithfully by her side."
On the 23rd, you were ready to throw in the towel. Two days later, when she feared that you're about to bolt, she claims she'll attend AA, and now all is wonderful in your world. This is a common manipulation by a very sick, disturbed person. And once again, you fell for it lock, stock, and barrel.
You need Alanon as much, if not more, than your girlfriend needs AA. And here's why: your girlfriend's thoughts and actions are clouded by a mind-altering substance, so it makes sense that she'd be making poor life choices as a result. But you, on the other hand, are not using a mind-altering substance. So the choices you are making are not clouded by alcohol, yet they are equally poor.
At some point in the future, I hope you'll begin to realize that you are making one poor, self-destructive choice after another by choosing an active addict for your partner. Alanon has been suggested to you several times, as has counseling. You're not going to find the solutions to your troubles when and if your partner achieves sobriety, as your problems have nothing to do with her drinking. They have everything to do with your lack of self esteem, need to control and fix others, and attraction to folks who mistreat you.
Don't you think it's time to stop worrying about what your partner is doing and start to focus on what you are doing and WHY you are doing it? What are you afraid of?
On the 23rd, you were ready to throw in the towel. Two days later, when she feared that you're about to bolt, she claims she'll attend AA, and now all is wonderful in your world. This is a common manipulation by a very sick, disturbed person. And once again, you fell for it lock, stock, and barrel.
You need Alanon as much, if not more, than your girlfriend needs AA. And here's why: your girlfriend's thoughts and actions are clouded by a mind-altering substance, so it makes sense that she'd be making poor life choices as a result. But you, on the other hand, are not using a mind-altering substance. So the choices you are making are not clouded by alcohol, yet they are equally poor.
At some point in the future, I hope you'll begin to realize that you are making one poor, self-destructive choice after another by choosing an active addict for your partner. Alanon has been suggested to you several times, as has counseling. You're not going to find the solutions to your troubles when and if your partner achieves sobriety, as your problems have nothing to do with her drinking. They have everything to do with your lack of self esteem, need to control and fix others, and attraction to folks who mistreat you.
Don't you think it's time to stop worrying about what your partner is doing and start to focus on what you are doing and WHY you are doing it? What are you afraid of?
Maybe you are right. Thank you. Why would be attracted to those that mistreat us and those that have serious issues? I don't understand. I know I have issues of my own ( crippling anxiety that requires medication, but I don't abuse drugs)
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
It's not about mirroring the other's addiction, it's about complementing it.
How do you think you might do that? Something to do with the anxiety, perhaps? Have you had any insights as to why you might be anxious?
How do you think you might do that? Something to do with the anxiety, perhaps? Have you had any insights as to why you might be anxious?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by minnie
It's not about mirroring the other's addiction, it's about complementing it.
How do you think you might do that? Something to do with the anxiety, perhaps? Have you had any insights as to why you might be anxious?
How do you think you might do that? Something to do with the anxiety, perhaps? Have you had any insights as to why you might be anxious?
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 240
I don't doubt that some alcoholics may drink because they suffer from anxiety and/or depression, but many alcoholics develop anxiety and/or depression secondary to their drinking. This was the case with my own husband.
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