Cranky old woman, me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Anchorage, AK
Posts: 221
Cranky old woman, me
Hi, all. I just need space to vent this morning. I've been feeling so grouchy lately. I'm usually a very optimistic, happy go lucky type of person but lately... I guess I'm just tired. Tired of taking care of a two year old all by myself while working full time. Tired of being strong and damn responsible and flexible and understanding. Tired of being forced to thank a recovering A husband for doing dishes or picking up toys--hooray to him! Tired of feeling expected to have sex since he is home for a week from work. What if I don't want to? How about that? Tired of feeling like I am making unreasonable demands if I even broach a subject of him paying for something (AH is finally working after two and a half years of unemployment--two months and I haven't seen any money from him). Urgh! My mom says that I should stop having expectations of others doing for me and start loving myself. Put yourself first--you want a fresh bouquet of flowers--buy them. A facial? Schedule one. Nice new shoes? Buy them. If you don't love yourself, nobody will, she says. If you give, give, give, the other person will relax and take, take, take.
I need a vacation. I need a massage. I need new clothes. I need to see my mother I haven't seen in ten years. I need to stop making excuses for spending MY OWN money on an expensive purse--for once! Why do I need to ask a grown man to contribute for his only baby's childcare? He should be man enough to offer it! Why should I tell him that I'd like a gift once in a while? If I have to beg for it, I'd rather buy it for myself.
I just need to feel like somebody will be there to catch me should I stumble or fall. Is it too much to ask?
I need a vacation. I need a massage. I need new clothes. I need to see my mother I haven't seen in ten years. I need to stop making excuses for spending MY OWN money on an expensive purse--for once! Why do I need to ask a grown man to contribute for his only baby's childcare? He should be man enough to offer it! Why should I tell him that I'd like a gift once in a while? If I have to beg for it, I'd rather buy it for myself.
I just need to feel like somebody will be there to catch me should I stumble or fall. Is it too much to ask?
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
We have these days...it just gets too damn much sometimes. I'm glad you vented it. Your mom is onto something...you probably haven't been caring for yourself enough. I know you want him to cough up the cash...you need to ask for it. Don't waste your precious time and energy resenting him for not being a grown up. How long has he been sober? I'm a recovering drunk and man oh man...I struggle with being a grown up. I dont' have clue but I'm learning. If you don't want to have sex..for heaven's sake..don't! Take care of you...you are your best friend so treat yourself as such.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: NOR CAL
Posts: 70
Boy, An'ka, this is me today too. I had a similar evening last night, came home from work, made dinner, dealt with the kids, cleaned up dinner, dealt with the kids....and my AH has the nerve to stop by the bar for 2 beers, then come home. Well, 4 hours later he showed up. How dare they...parenting is somehow OUR responsibility. What if I wanted to stop by the bar after work ?? (highly unlikely). We cannot ever count on them to be responsible, we do it all because they are incapable. How is that fair? Then we feel guilty because we are the big meanie parent because our patience have run out. When he gets home (from the bar) the kids run to him, like he's the nice guy, and I'm the bitchy mom. Arrrrrrrr
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
I didn't have childern, how do you do it?? I am amazed at what you gals can do.
Where I took on responsibility was at my job. The one that can do it, gets to do it as you know.
Your mom is soo wise.
Is your hubby maybe paying back some buddies for loans while drinking?
A's are supposed to clear away the wreakage of the past, but nasty part is we usually start with outsiders not the family.
How about asking him to babysit while you take a nice long soak in the tub, then maybe you might be interested in sex.
I was never too tired for sex, but then I didn't have childern??
Hope the day is getting better. Caring hugs to you all.
Where I took on responsibility was at my job. The one that can do it, gets to do it as you know.
Your mom is soo wise.
Is your hubby maybe paying back some buddies for loans while drinking?
A's are supposed to clear away the wreakage of the past, but nasty part is we usually start with outsiders not the family.
How about asking him to babysit while you take a nice long soak in the tub, then maybe you might be interested in sex.
I was never too tired for sex, but then I didn't have childern??
Hope the day is getting better. Caring hugs to you all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Utah
Posts: 20
Anka,
I am in the same boat as you but it is my wife. She is just 3 weeks out of rehab and i feel the same as you. I have been doing everything the last 45 days. I run a company during the days and cook, clean and take care of my kids at night. I am tired of it BUT i get much satisfaction knowing that my kids are being cared for properly.
About our spouses, in my case I realize that my wife can really focus on one thing right now. Staying sober during the tough part of her rehab. The last thing I can afford is another setback an back to the clinic and another $12k. I have become very tired of this. Even though I understand I am still pissed that I have to do it all. I do it for the kids that are the innocent party here.
If I did not have the kids I would have her out on her own.
Hang in there and know you are not alone......
I am in the same boat as you but it is my wife. She is just 3 weeks out of rehab and i feel the same as you. I have been doing everything the last 45 days. I run a company during the days and cook, clean and take care of my kids at night. I am tired of it BUT i get much satisfaction knowing that my kids are being cared for properly.
About our spouses, in my case I realize that my wife can really focus on one thing right now. Staying sober during the tough part of her rehab. The last thing I can afford is another setback an back to the clinic and another $12k. I have become very tired of this. Even though I understand I am still pissed that I have to do it all. I do it for the kids that are the innocent party here.
If I did not have the kids I would have her out on her own.
Hang in there and know you are not alone......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Anchorage, AK
Posts: 221
Thank you all for support. It's just one of those days--I feel like feeling sorry for myself, but it will pass
. I got some Godiva truffles on my desk and the day is looking up. We just all need some help and a change of scenery once in a while, you know?
. I got some Godiva truffles on my desk and the day is looking up. We just all need some help and a change of scenery once in a while, you know?
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
An'ka I think its time for you to set some NEW boundaries. First one being that if he plans on continuing to live there, then he MUST contribute. There are utilities, groceries, rent or mortgage. He has to put in his fair share.
As far as getting him to help around the house, well.......................roflmao I will wish you good luck on that one. Most men that i have known and know of do very little around the house.
However, it is IMPERATIVE that he contribute to the household expenses, especially when there is a youngster involved. Whether the child is potty trained or not, there are weekly expenses. Diapers, types of foods, baby shampoo, gentle laundry detergent for baby's young skin, and on and on and on.
You need boundaries my dear friend. It is hard enough working full time and taking care of a child, you do not need a non-drinking crabbly 2nd child, lol.
Yes, I know recovery is hard in the early stages, and he probably feels like c**p a lot of the time, (btdt), but he still has to take care of his responsibilities, that is the "adult" thing that we do.
Of course you are tired. I am glad you have the Godiva chocolates, they should help 'pick you up a bit.' Also, please remember to give yourself permission to have this bad day. Heck with this most recent experience, look how much more you will appreciate your next good day, lmao.
An'ka you have come a long way.........and are doing great in your own recovery. You really are doing good!!!!!
J M H O
LOve and hugs,
As far as getting him to help around the house, well.......................roflmao I will wish you good luck on that one. Most men that i have known and know of do very little around the house.
However, it is IMPERATIVE that he contribute to the household expenses, especially when there is a youngster involved. Whether the child is potty trained or not, there are weekly expenses. Diapers, types of foods, baby shampoo, gentle laundry detergent for baby's young skin, and on and on and on.
You need boundaries my dear friend. It is hard enough working full time and taking care of a child, you do not need a non-drinking crabbly 2nd child, lol.
Yes, I know recovery is hard in the early stages, and he probably feels like c**p a lot of the time, (btdt), but he still has to take care of his responsibilities, that is the "adult" thing that we do.
Of course you are tired. I am glad you have the Godiva chocolates, they should help 'pick you up a bit.' Also, please remember to give yourself permission to have this bad day. Heck with this most recent experience, look how much more you will appreciate your next good day, lmao.
An'ka you have come a long way.........and are doing great in your own recovery. You really are doing good!!!!!
J M H O
LOve and hugs,
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