TheFriend

I'm new. Bear with me, please. This is a bit frightening, embarrassing and just plain confusing...

I found out my best friend is a closet alcoholic about 2 months ago. 3 weeks ago she tried to take her life and admitted herself into rehab.

Prior to this, I introduced a few friends into our circle and had been feeling as if these friends were muscling in on my time with her. So I was having bouts of jealousy where I would try to close myself off from my friend. I suppose so I wouldn't feel left out or alone.

Now, her therapist says that she thinks we're both co-dependent on each other. I never thought of myself in that way, especially with her. (I just thought that it was jealousy, since I work from home and don't have any other friends to do anything with, while she works outside of the house and has 3 kids and friends, etc...)

Anyhow, now, I find myself being jealous because I don't hear from her as often as I did (since she spends most of her days in therapy about an hour away from our town) and she has to deal with her family at night. I've realized that I can't be asking her to share, because one - she has to talk to her therapist all day long and two - her husband wants her to rehash everything as well...anyone would get tired of that. I get it.

But it's frustrating to find myself getting upset and, I think, jealous, when I find out that she decided to go to lunch with another friend and not invite me. For someone who says that the 3 relationships she's most worried about preserving are with her mom, her husband and myself, I'm seriously feeling as if I'm not part of her life anymore...or rather, right now.

I don't feel like I have to control her life, but it would be nice if I got to see her once a week or twice a month without having to share my time with her with other people. Whatever it is that is driving me is a horrible feeling. (And I keep praying to God to help me overcome this jealousy, but what if I'm praying for the wrong thing?)

Is this what codepency is? Or am I just being jealous and need to get over it?

LOL - After reading what I've wrote, I feel like I'm coming off as such an idiot and very non-understanding of what my friend is going through. The least of her worries should be me and I should be grateful that she was woman enough to realize she was hurting everyone and that she needed to get help.

Please, help me be the type of friend she needs right now, because I just don't know how to do it, or even what that is.

Thanks.

Astro

Perfect!

I'm struggling with a similar situation so you're not alone, and I think you'll find plenty who can relate to this.

How about checking out a CoDA meeting in you area? Listen real hard if they read the list of patterns & characteristics. I didn't have a problem identfiying with most, if not all of them.

I'm trying to remember that I just need to be a support, detach with love if necessary, and most of all need it drilled into my head that I can't control anyone's feelings for me in spite of what kind of friendship I think we should have. If it's God's will for us, it'll happen.

TheFriend

No, I haven't, but I found one for this coming Saturday. I have all intentions to go unless God directs me otherwise.

Seeking Wisdom

Welcome TheFriend -

Sometimes there is nothing more we can do then stand aside even though it hurts and be there if. in time, they need us for support or to listen if they need to talk - as long as it does not destroy us in the process. We learn we must take care of ourselves as we cannot control the direction of another's choices.