Sunflower

boy it really is so nice to know that in so many ways we are all in the same boat--not alone and able to share....it really is like the old person died-and who the heck is this? And I am talking as a mother here so it is different--I missed my boy/man. He is sober now as you all know--for a long while-still it was whan it got quiet that evrhting came out of me--and my house????what a mess!!!the closets are all jammed up--nothing is clean its like a war zone and I am usually like doormat--compulsively organized...I finally handed my mom whom I live with my check book and told her to handle my financialaffairs-I had made such a mess of them--forgetting to pay--overdrafts--it's like my brain is fried from being on overload for so many years....I swear right about now I can't add 2+2...and I am sick and in pain on top of it all which makes it so much more fun!!!! Thank you guys for this forum and giving me a place to not feel like such an out cast...

mallowcup

The thing I failed to ask myself was, "Does he love me?" Absolutely nothing in his words or behavior would be evidence that he loved me. I loved him or thought so.
The problem was, I wanted to be loved. I couldn't make the connection so I hung on to loving expecting it result in my feeling loved.
I think instead of assessing the way we love we should assess the way was are loved.
With my ex, I came a distant second to a cold beer every single time.

chero

Mallow, How do you answer that question, though? Does he love me?

I couldn't want him to more than I do. I couldn't love him more than I do. But how do you know for sure? Do you go on feeling???

fluffyflea

Eventually the pain of staying starts out weighing the pain of leaving, thank god.

Earthworm

braveheart6

"love you" comes out mines mouth but his actions tell me otherwise.

I take the view that they dont love theirself so what chance do I have.

When I took mine back 5 years ago I was told to keep doing my best and everytime he screwed me over another little bit of my love for him would die.
It worked so when things boiled over this time he was instantly out the door because for my sake enough was enough.

The whole thing stinks but I now KNOW I am loveable and deserve so much better.

Beautiful

Mine's a dry drunk. He's very capable - capable of organizing ME! I am very organized as well but HE felt that either I was 1)too organized -or- 2)not organized enough. My feeling is that if you want a clean house, have a clean house. If you like dirt, live in dirt. And if you like somewhere in the middle then live somewhere in the middle. It is only a problem if you think it is. Problem is, I had lost all of my drive to be in a clean home because I hate it here. I felt unloved, unsupported, unvalued, you name it. When I realized that you only attract what you give off, I re-purposed my energy into something positive for me and became well on my way to leaving him in the dust. LOL!!!!

TexasGirl

Love that, FD. That's how I've always lived. I wish I were some amazing housekeeper, but I'm too busy rocking on my porch to worry about dishes.