free2be

Oh, yeah and I forgot, I hate that song, too.

chero

AAAHHH....you guys! What's with hating the song! Talk about a blast from the past!

Thanks so much to everybody for the encouraging. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one trying to figure life out. And, I took some of your advice today and without consulting my AH to see what his 'plans' were I made a hair appointment. It was scary driving over there thinking, 'I wonder what he's up to???' But I just bit the bullet and had a great time and get this, turns out my hairdresser has an Ah too....WHO KNEW??? She just brought it up and she didn't know about my AH. So we talked and shared. Then I left and went and visited a friend and just got home...I feel a bit like wonder woman, here! And a new hair color to boot...today I'm blonde!

Sunflower

yes I remember this song--good memories for me as well--
Chero--see you are able to let go here and there--irony--the hairdressar was an A?????if that wasn't so sad I'ld laugh--how did the haircut go???

Nuudawn

Geez Astro...reading those lyrics...I think I felt that way about alcohol...that was my one true devotion and commitment. I thought it took me to the places that alone I'd never find.

chero

Well, Sun, the hair cut is not too bad! I keep peeking in the mirror. I think even if it would have been bad I wouldn't have cared...I was ready for a change!
And how about the hairdresser being married to an A? There has to be some kind of irony in there, right??? It was surreal! When she just blurted out that her husband got his license back cause he had lost it getting a DUI. I almost fell out of the chair. She started talking and I was listening and talking....it was ironic!

appleblaster

I began reading books, meetings, this board.....weather I read or contributed, I always received so much from just clicking on this page. One of the books is Codependent No More. I'm still not finished with that book because I get 'stuck' on parts. Right now, one of the chapters describes what goes on inside the mind of the codependent person and it hit me like a truck.

It was then that I realized that like many have said here.....it is a process. It takes time and patience. The patience is usually where I get screwed up. I want it now, instantaneous, yesterday. I felt sorry for myself for not being 'normal' and I was even angry with my mother for allowing this to happen to me, beat myself up for feeling like that, etc.

As time went by, I realized that it was okay to feel like that as long as I went through it. The feelings were not me, they were just feelings which is why they're not called 'meelings' I guess. You feel them then move on. That directly relates to what you're saying about the times when you feel like the floor is a magnet and you're wearing steel toed boots. I've been there. Like CMC I forced myself to go out....even when I didn't want to. I realized it was part of my path in life. It was a new direction, both a relief and uncomfortable all at the same time. That was about 10 months ago. Back then I never thought I would be where I am today. I was so impatient and I never dreamed I would be rid of that monkey on my back.

Well, I love animals but the monkey is gone. Every day my higher power shows me where to go. I ask to be shown. Its what I count on. I also count on chocolate sometimes.

So I hope some of you relate to this. Chero, you are right where you need to be for at this time. It is all part of your path. It sucks, but its part of your path and you will see that only in hindsight.

(oh, and I never liked that song either, sorry)

chero

Thanks Apple, It's hard think that I'm where I'm supposed to be. That this is part of the path. My goal is to not get distracted and start running backwards, again...I think that's been my pattern. I'm determined to press onward. Hmm....okay, yes, I'm determined but I might have to take you up on the chocolate!

Thanks! Cheryl