guyinNC

Alcoholism continues to rear its head in my life in unexpected ways. Since my wifes, now Xwife, descent into alcoholic maddness, I have been very honest with my girls about her illness. (We have not seen her since last May, she is still with her rehab lover drinking herself slowly to death.)

Anyway, last weekend my little girls best friend, whos parents are divorcing, was having a party. My daughter went over and found out she had alcohol in the house.( a couple of cases of beer and wine coolers.) Now this kid is only 15. My daughter went ballistic on her. Demanded she pour it out. It turns out the kids Mom bought it for her!!! This party was not going to chaperoned and attended by kids all under the age of 16!! The mother came over and my daughter jumped all over her. Told her "I can't believe you did this!" "You are a sorry mother."

I'm proud of my kid. But now she feels she has lost a friend. My daughter reacted out of concern for her friend. She has seen first hand the damage alcohol can do to a person...to a family. This event has again brought to the surface her feelings about her Mom, alcoholism, and how our lives has changed. She is such a good kid. She is an inspiration to me!!!!!

Sadly, I don't this kids Mom learned a thing. We hear she thought it was no big deal, and that opinions vary on what is right and/or wrong. To me....there is no gray area!!

AllTooSober

Eek. What an awkward spot for your daughter to be in. How's she holding up with the aftermath?

try try again

You are absolutely right this is no gray area. We have had parents arrested where I live for providing alcohol to minors at their high school graduation parties much less 16 years old and younger. You are right to congratulate your daughter and you are raising someone that is going to be a great conscientious adult. Bravo to you and her!!!

guyinNC

She has had some rough patches this past week. Sad....over losing a friend. She misses her Mom too. But over all, she is doing well. Doing great in school, dancing, teaching dance. She was also a finalist in a local beauty pageant a couple of weeks ago.

At times....I think it hits all of us. Every now and then, I run across a picture of my Xwife. A beautiful woman, a good Mom. a good wife......I thought we had a happy life. Not perfect, but all things considered, we were very fortunate.

But she chose a different path. She chose wine and a drunk she met in rehab over me and the kids.......sometimes its so surreal, I think I am dreaming.

gelfling

Hey Guy...got her in alateen?

itiswhatitis...

hi there,

i admire your daughter - with alcohol & drugs as prevalent as they are it's refreshing to see a kid take a stand - there's a really great web site - well a foundation started because of a tradgedy - how to save a life (a song by a band *the fray*) was a song downloaded by a young man right before he died in an accident - his parents started a foundation - howtosavealife.com - i think that's it - but if you google how to save a life you'll find it - it's really inspiring - talking about everyone needs to take a stand and say something when people are doing something they shouldn't be doing - your daughter did a good thing...

godspeed,
s

Grasshopper

Im concerned for your daughter.You say that she went---ballistic---on this mother.I understaand her feelings.However going totally out of control,going ballistic,is a very serious sign,of all thats going on inside of her.No matter how right one feels about what others are doing or not doing,one needs to have control over ones self.Please,get her help.There is a great program,called ala-teen.There she will find fellowship,recovery,and learning new responses.

Zoey

guy, so good to see you, but so sorry this happened.
caring hugs to all.

melonhead

Yeah, I agree with Grasshopper, I'd be proud that she recognizes the right thing for a parent to do, but going balistic shows a lot of other stuff going on. Ok, perhaps she needn't be so mature at 15, but aren't there ways to express disapproval without throwing a tantrum?

I'm just sayin....

ICU

Hmmmmm.......makes me wonder if it was her friend's Mother, or her 'own' mother that the 'intensity' of the comment was really directed towards.

free2be

I agree with grasshopper and melonhead. I understand her feelings as well. I do think she was very brave to do what she did. I am concerned about the way in which she went "balistic". I am certainly not saying this mom providing alcohol to these kids is o.k. In fact I think it is disgracful(sp).What the hell was she thinking!!?

Perhaps you can talk with her and explain that unfortunatly these situations are going to arise in the future. Tell her if she feels uncomfortable in a situation to call you to pick her up. She can tell her friends she isn't feeling well. She can save face this way.

I have chidren myself and I think it is important to explain to them that there is social/responsible drinking, a beer or a glass of wine at dinner or at a party and then there is alcoholism. I want them to know that just because uncle bobby has a few beers at a party he is not an alcoholic. I grew up with alcohol being taboo, I was scared to death of it and anyone who drank it. It still makes me uncomfortable sometimes. Imagine......

Mr. Christian

Hello NC,


I see that your daughter has some big issues to work through. Has she been in Alateen?
I only say this because no matter how she felt, the actions should not have taken place.
Walking out of there would have just been fine.

Now I no way think that this mother was in the right giving her daughter drinks, but there are ways we need to deal with it.
If it was for this party then calling the police would have been great.

melonhead

Yeah, growing up with my Mom as an A and my grandmother (her hubby, Mom's dad was an A and committed suicide), well, no alcohol was allowed in her house. At all.

So it was polar opposites. Was either one normal? Well I kind of don't think so, but my life has been far from normal with alkies.

In this case, if she were mature she could have told the Mom that it is illegal and immoral to give alcohol to such young kids, asked to leave, and if the wine/beer was for the party, notify the police. She could have done it calmly if she weren't already traumatized. She has the right idea, but maybe needs to work on "using her words" calmly.

Of course, I wasn't there and I don't know.

guyinNC

Perhaps ballistic was the wrong word. No she did not yell or scream at this this lady....but she did let her know what she felt. She pulled no punches. ANd she was correct in all points. The Mom was wrong about providing the alcohol and she has not been a good parent to this child.

My DD was upset about the alcohol, and yes it did bring it all home again. But this was to be expected.....as predicted by a therapist.
For her to react in other way would have not been "normal". When you take a stand, even for the right the thing...there are consequences. She may have lost a friend.......that would make anyone feel blue.

My point of the post......is alcoholism continues to impact our lives long after the alcoholic is gone.

Mr. Christian

Her thoughts were correct, the way she went about it was not.
As strong as your daughter felt she was wrong to demand anything of an adult and put herself in a position that could have back fired, True we all have hind sight but we also must look at the right way to handle a situation as this . It may happen again to any on of us here with children we have. So it is good o discuss it.

Sunflower

She is going to be one strong lady someday!!!So she has seen the affects of alcohol--and yes I am sure part of her anger was about her mother and she was projecting those feelings--I say good for her--as long as she does it in a polite well mannered way and is not disrespectful to adults---she will after all be around alcohol everywhere all her life and will need to be able to deal with it,,,,,,