Notoshure

As you know I'm quite new to this site I hate sounding stupid but I just read a very heart wrenching post about the loss of there ah and somebody said something about self sabotage... my Question is why would somebody sabotage them self on purpose ?

LaTeeDa

Shame, self-loathing, low self worth, feeling not good enough, feeling unlovable, the list goes on and on. Many addicts suffer from these traits. Many codependents, as well. I know I sometimes catch myself doing or considering something which would not be in my best interest. (Self-sabotage) At least these days, I catch myself.

L

Cynay

Because we are sick.

I grew up in an Abusive, Alcoholic home....

I learned from a young age that I was not good enough, that I was not pretty enough and not smart enough. I was just never enough. I married and Alcoholic and then I was not a good enough wife or Mother....etc.

When you really honestly believe you are not enough and never will be ... you settle for what comes to you. Because of my thoughts as a younger person I married because he asked and did not think about if he was good enough for me... I would not apply for better jobs because of the fear I was not smart enough and did not want to be embarrased again... I would accept attention from men that scared and abused me because I was not pretty enough...

Self Sabotage.

embraced2000

when things were going well for me, it would feel unfamiliar....since i was used to upset and chaos. so feeling well and things going good were foreign... i would create some sort of screw up to find my familiar ground once more. self-sabotage for me.

course, i didn't realize i was doing this until i began my recovery.

Sunflower

they have a mental illness and don't recognise it yet??? low self esteme--history of abuse---so many reasons--and so many who do it to themselves it's scary...the greatest gift there is -is learning to love yourself

Notoshure

Thanks, I think I'm starting to understand, but if your with someone that your pretty sure loves you ,then why would you sabotage that, if thats all you were ever looking for?

LaTeeDa

If you felt deep down (maybe even subconsciously) that you didn't deserve it.

L

denny57

If you don't think you're worthy of it, it could be less painful to initiate the end rather than living in agony waiting for it to happen.

Janitw

I think he's making sure in his mind that you will make a great co-dependent....JMHO...putting you through some hoops. I remember when my husband started our relationship like that and looking back I wondered the same thing you are now....again JMHO...

free2be

Janitw- your reply to this post hit home for me. Looking back, we were most likely 2 unhealthy people. Him.. emotionally unavailable, Me... emotionally too available. A match made in heaven.