dissappointed in myself
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Happily ever after...
Posts: 163
dissappointed in myself
I am so dissappointed in myself, I have tried so hard for 2 weeks to be strong and feel good, to focus on myself, my future and my kids. Today, I allowed myself to get sucked right back into this sickness. I am so angry. Why does his mother and sister feel the need to blame me? How can they believe the things he says? His perception of reality is so distorted and I know they know it. I actually was defending myself and my actions once again. He left our house with the 2 girls, 2 weeks ago (they love to spend time with their grandma) and he hasn't come back. I picked-up the girls. The only contact he made with them once they were home was on Valentines Day, that's it. For a whole week? This is o.k.? He has not given me one dime in 2 weeks. We now have an overdue mortgage and car payment, etc,etc. blah, blah blah..I don't know if he even has a job anymore. I don't know if he is staying with his mom or what. No one will tell me anything. I wish they would foreclose on the house and reposses the car. I am just so sick and tired of the whole thing. I am so tired of trying to do the right thing being the responsible one. Do I call for money? Do I ask him if he is working? I hate feeling like such a pathetic looser calling and asking him for money. What have I become? My family used to call me spirited. I see the lawyer on Sunday. Can't wait. I will naill his b@//'s to the ceiling.. ouch. 
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
I am so dissappointed in myself
I dont have kids, or I would comment on asking for money, but Im sure someone with personal experience in that arena will be along
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
free2be, I know it's easier to say than do, but don't be disappointed in yourself. You are doing the best you can in a stressful situation - bottom line is you are taking proactive steps - seeing the lawyer - and you should hug yourself for that, not beat yourself up. Try to hang in there until Sunday. I have some special nails you can use for that ball hanging thing.
Take care.
Take care.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
Posts: 415
Hi there (((free2be))) - hugs to you...you are dealing with an unbelievably stressful situation. And, like Denny pointed out, you are taking proactive steps. That is what "winners" do. When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. Easier said than done, I know. But you are moving forward.
And like Elizabeth says....it will get easier...you will get stronger...you will get your life back...
Is the only way you can get money by asking him? Or do you maybe have a joint account? Is the house and car only in his name? If everything's in his name, then I suppose (but I am NOT an expert in financial matters) it's himself he's doing damage to...but you need money of course for everyday things for you and the girls...I'd personally just tell him that you need money for food etc. Or preferably just go get it for myself out of the account or with c.c. that is in his name. But that's just me.
Arguing with a drunk person is a complete waste of time and very mentally/emotionally/spiritually draining...avoid at all costs. Approach AH when sober.
Denny's got the nails...I got a hammer you can use....
And like Elizabeth says....it will get easier...you will get stronger...you will get your life back...
Is the only way you can get money by asking him? Or do you maybe have a joint account? Is the house and car only in his name? If everything's in his name, then I suppose (but I am NOT an expert in financial matters) it's himself he's doing damage to...but you need money of course for everyday things for you and the girls...I'd personally just tell him that you need money for food etc. Or preferably just go get it for myself out of the account or with c.c. that is in his name. But that's just me.
Arguing with a drunk person is a complete waste of time and very mentally/emotionally/spiritually draining...avoid at all costs. Approach AH when sober.
Denny's got the nails...I got a hammer you can use....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Happy with me !
Posts: 680
Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doin' good....
My AH's family thinks I am the "bad" guy. But, they don't know the entire story, and if they did AH is still one of there "own."
I slip back most days when I talk to my AH, but after four months I feel that I have made progress (for me, not anyone else)
Take your time. It will all work out.
My AH's family thinks I am the "bad" guy. But, they don't know the entire story, and if they did AH is still one of there "own."
I slip back most days when I talk to my AH, but after four months I feel that I have made progress (for me, not anyone else)
Take your time. It will all work out.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Happily ever after...
Posts: 163
Thanks, too funny. I really needed the laugh. Maybe, I could open a booth at a carnival, like those dunking things. I could charge $$$ for a nail or staple. I am certain I could make $$..... Just need a catchy name. any suggestions?
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
free2be - My XAH and I seperated almost 3 years ago. Our divorce was just finalized a few short months ago.
I have come a long way in my own recovery, I know this. But honestly, there are still days that are hard for me and small things can trigger emotions in me that can set me back. I just have to recognize them and work through them.
I lived a certain way for a long long time and I can't fix myself overnight. It's a process.
Honestly, I have often thought that the truth of the matter is that I have been affected by my XAH's drinking and behavior for so long that I will probably always have the scars (the invisable as well as the visable ones) for the rest of my life. However, that doesn't mean that I'm doomed.
I get to wake up each day and say "today is the first day of my new life" - actually I can do that any time I want too no matter how many times I want or need to say it in a day!
As for his family --- here's my thoughts. For a long time, I had to explain myself to my XAH, I felt I had to explain why I stayed with him to those that didn't understand. You see, I always felt that I had to explain myself, justify my actions and non-actions, etc. Today - I know that I don't have to explain a darn thing to anyone - I have to live with myself so I'm the only one that I have to answer too in that regard.
But I tell ya, I can relate. It used to matter a lot to me what certain people thought so I understand how you feel. But you know one day - after having a run-in with XAH's parents and his father talking to me the way he did, I realized just where XAH had learned his attitude and behavior from. But the big lightbulb went off - it didn't matter to me anymore how his family felt about me or what I did or didn't do. It no longer mattered to me what they thought of me either. I knew in my heart that I had my own reasons for doing what I was doing - it didn't matter if they didn't know or understood - I knew!!! And that is what was important - that I knew! I mattered to me - not their opinions of me.
Go easy on yourself, I think we all have our down days and it's easy to get sucked back into our old patterns and behaviors. We just have to recognize it and then we can change our old "stinkin thinkin" and move on.
I have come a long way in my own recovery, I know this. But honestly, there are still days that are hard for me and small things can trigger emotions in me that can set me back. I just have to recognize them and work through them.
I lived a certain way for a long long time and I can't fix myself overnight. It's a process.
Honestly, I have often thought that the truth of the matter is that I have been affected by my XAH's drinking and behavior for so long that I will probably always have the scars (the invisable as well as the visable ones) for the rest of my life. However, that doesn't mean that I'm doomed.
I get to wake up each day and say "today is the first day of my new life" - actually I can do that any time I want too no matter how many times I want or need to say it in a day!
As for his family --- here's my thoughts. For a long time, I had to explain myself to my XAH, I felt I had to explain why I stayed with him to those that didn't understand. You see, I always felt that I had to explain myself, justify my actions and non-actions, etc. Today - I know that I don't have to explain a darn thing to anyone - I have to live with myself so I'm the only one that I have to answer too in that regard.
But I tell ya, I can relate. It used to matter a lot to me what certain people thought so I understand how you feel. But you know one day - after having a run-in with XAH's parents and his father talking to me the way he did, I realized just where XAH had learned his attitude and behavior from. But the big lightbulb went off - it didn't matter to me anymore how his family felt about me or what I did or didn't do. It no longer mattered to me what they thought of me either. I knew in my heart that I had my own reasons for doing what I was doing - it didn't matter if they didn't know or understood - I knew!!! And that is what was important - that I knew! I mattered to me - not their opinions of me.
Go easy on yourself, I think we all have our down days and it's easy to get sucked back into our old patterns and behaviors. We just have to recognize it and then we can change our old "stinkin thinkin" and move on.
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