Me Again -
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: New England
Posts: 10
Me Again -
I posted several months ago about my relationship with my husband and his alcoholism and I feel the need to come back here and become more active as things have taken a turn.
I finally filed for divorce and he will be getting served today if not tomorrow. He has been staying with a friend of ours for over two months. What has prompted me to come here today was a phone call I received from our friend, with concern about stbx's drinking habits. It refreshing and concerning to hear someone else say that think he drinks in an unhealthy manner, like a weight off my back. A weight I've secretly carried around for nearly 10 years now.
It is even more apparent to me that stbx needs inpatient treatment and even at the onset of our divorce, I'm willing to help him...but I realize he needs to be willing.
I am 31, have been married to him for 3 years, together for 10, with a 2.5 year old daughter. I look forward to getting support from all of you...I know I'm going to need it.
Thanks for reading.
I finally filed for divorce and he will be getting served today if not tomorrow. He has been staying with a friend of ours for over two months. What has prompted me to come here today was a phone call I received from our friend, with concern about stbx's drinking habits. It refreshing and concerning to hear someone else say that think he drinks in an unhealthy manner, like a weight off my back. A weight I've secretly carried around for nearly 10 years now.
It is even more apparent to me that stbx needs inpatient treatment and even at the onset of our divorce, I'm willing to help him...but I realize he needs to be willing.
I am 31, have been married to him for 3 years, together for 10, with a 2.5 year old daughter. I look forward to getting support from all of you...I know I'm going to need it.
Thanks for reading.
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
hello trotter, and welcome.
if you aren't already, i'd suggest that you attend some alanon meetings. and keep posting.
you're absolutely right about your husband's alcoholism - you can't cure it or control it. it's up to him to seek recovery.
best wishes, and i look forward to hearing more from you.
blessings, k
if you aren't already, i'd suggest that you attend some alanon meetings. and keep posting.
you're absolutely right about your husband's alcoholism - you can't cure it or control it. it's up to him to seek recovery.
best wishes, and i look forward to hearing more from you.
blessings, k
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Welcome back ... we are glad your here.
As hard as it is there are times when you just have to let go and take the right steps for you and your daughter.
Staying in a relationship and hoping that something will change is not healthy for either of you. If/When he decides to get it together and seek soberity then maybe something could change, but today he is choosing to drink and you are choosing to take a different path then staying in a relaitonship that has nothing to give you.
*hugs* I know its hard, but time will help.
As hard as it is there are times when you just have to let go and take the right steps for you and your daughter.
Staying in a relationship and hoping that something will change is not healthy for either of you. If/When he decides to get it together and seek soberity then maybe something could change, but today he is choosing to drink and you are choosing to take a different path then staying in a relaitonship that has nothing to give you.
*hugs* I know its hard, but time will help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: New England
Posts: 10
I'm really trying, I'm just waiting to hear stbx has the papers & it's been just as hard, the waiting, for me as for him....I feel that once he has those papers in hand, it will start the ball rolling.
He needs more help than I can give him, having a toddler to take care of (a demanding one at at that), the time has come for my level-headedness to drive vs. the other side of me which wants to nurture until I'm burnt out.
I saw my therapist last week & he said it seemed like I had things under control but I know it's going to be a tough winter....any support I can get & give, relationships I can create to help me understand my role in his illness will be helpful.
He needs more help than I can give him, having a toddler to take care of (a demanding one at at that), the time has come for my level-headedness to drive vs. the other side of me which wants to nurture until I'm burnt out.
I saw my therapist last week & he said it seemed like I had things under control but I know it's going to be a tough winter....any support I can get & give, relationships I can create to help me understand my role in his illness will be helpful.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Have you read the "stickies" at the top of the forum? There are several good posts that explain what codependency is and how we've helped keep the addicts in our lives stuck and by doing so how we've made our own lives miserable.
Learning all you can about codependency will help you recognize the behavior so you won't repeat the pattern in your future relationships. Alanon is another excellent source of information and support. If you haven't checked out a meeting in your area, now would be a good time.
Welcome back. Make yourself comfortable and stay a while.
Learning all you can about codependency will help you recognize the behavior so you won't repeat the pattern in your future relationships. Alanon is another excellent source of information and support. If you haven't checked out a meeting in your area, now would be a good time.
Welcome back. Make yourself comfortable and stay a while.
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