pstrawn2003

My son is an alcoholic,Please help me to help him

laurie6781

Welcome to SR. You will find some great people here who have been where you are now, or are where you are now.

Check out our Friends and Families Forum.

You will get some great support!!!!

Actually you cannot help him. He has to want to help himself.

Have you checked out Alanon yet. It is a great organiation for the friends and families of an alcoholic.

Please remember the 3 C's.

You didn't Cause it.

You can't Control it, and

You can't Cure it.

Hope to see you on the Friends and Family forum!

Again welcome to SR!

Love and hugs,

reader

Well, I have a few suggestions, my grown son is also an alcoholic. I do not rescue him, he has to take his lumps. We have had to tell his Grandmother not to keep solving his problems. Over the years she has solved all his problems. At least 10 cars, apt, deposits, help with lawyer fees. You get the idea, he was spoiled. Tough love is hard, boundaries is what they refer to it in the recovery arena.. Remember, most alcoholics won't hit their bottom if we solve their problems. Just know I feel for you, we have been threw the ringer with our boys. Take Care of U, Kerry

reader

Oh by the way, Welcome to SR!!!! When you are ready you can share more of your story!!!

guyinNC

You remind me of myself when I first discovered my wifes alcoholism. I was desperate to find her help......if I could just get her to see the light!

I went to my first Alanon meeting seeking help for her.....advice on how to save her. They said no.....we are not here for her, we are here for you. I did not won't to listen.

This old black lady told me, in a heavy southern, black accent. "You have no idea, what kind of a monster you are fighting!" I did not believe her then....I do now.

Alcoholism is a monster....but this dragon can only be slain by the alcoholic themselves.

You have to learn to let go and detach. Easy to say...sooooo hard to do!

Good Luck!

parentrecovers

I'm the mother of an alcoholic daughter, now in recovery. I tried many times and a lot different ways to control her and her disease. Nothing worked, and I only added stress and chaos to her and my situation. When she was ready to get help for her addiction, she did. And I was there to support her at that time. It's hard as parents to let go, so I understand your pain. Please take care of yourself and allow your son to find his own path. You can love him without enabling his disease. Alanon meetings really do work, so go if you can. Good luck and blessings

cmc

Welcome to SR! You have received some excellent replies. Please take some time to read as many posts here as you can. You will see how so many others in your situation have learned to cope. At the top of each forum page are helpful posts and resources called 'stickys' that are helpful to read too.
I'm glad you found us here and look forward to seeing your around. There is help for your son when he is ready, and there is help for you too. You do not have to be alone in this: we are here and we care.

deax

Great post. Same experience for me, and most of us I'd guess.

Welcome, pstrawn2003. I know how hard it is to get these replies initially that there's really nothing you can do for the alcoholic and to "focus on you." This place really pissed me off in the beginning when I just wanted to save my ex. But please stick around to vent, ask questions, figure things out for yourself. People here are helpful and have tons of experience to help guide you through your own journey. I'm sorry you're in pain... Read all you can, start with the Stickies at the top, and you'll learn ways to help yourself cope and to stop any enabling behaviors, which is about all you can do for your son-- and which is something I was doing with my ex without even having any idea I was doing it.

Sorry you had to look for a place like this, but glad you're here. (hugs)

lilac

Welcome. I am also sorry that you had to look for a place like this, but SR has saved me. Please come often, read, and post when you feel like it.

Cynay

I dont have anything to add to what has been said. Im sorry, I do understand it is not the answer you were looking for but trust us when we tell you that it is all in his hands.

You can however find ways to learn to work/live with an Alcoholic.... Im told by some that when we change the dance, the alcoholic responds...

Welcome to SR.... I look forward to getting to know you.