When your with your A...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 70
- so true, mallowcup!
Irsh, I'm glad your post made it back up to the top of the list, as this subject is very helpful to me as well.
I've been married to my AH for 16 years. He was sober and in recovery until 2000, when he started drinking again. I came to Al-Anon in 2002. It has been my SAVING GRACE. Although, sometimes I feel like Al-Anon is just a mind game - if I say the slogans enough times, will I feel better but also sugar-coat and stay in denial as to how bad things really are?
Let Go and Let God didn't, and still doesn't, always make sense to me, but I can tell you from my experience I've seen miracles occur as a result of it. An Al-Anon friend would say at a meeting that when things were bad for her, she would just say over and over and over, Let Go and Let God, Let Go and Let God. I tried it for myself. While I didn't fully understand the meaning of it, things fell into place as I prayed it over and over again.
Detaching also helps me.
Even while I'm writing this, I need to take my own advise and detach, as my husband comes in the room in a drunken stuper and wants to talk away with me BS.
Irsh, I'm glad your post made it back up to the top of the list, as this subject is very helpful to me as well.
I've been married to my AH for 16 years. He was sober and in recovery until 2000, when he started drinking again. I came to Al-Anon in 2002. It has been my SAVING GRACE. Although, sometimes I feel like Al-Anon is just a mind game - if I say the slogans enough times, will I feel better but also sugar-coat and stay in denial as to how bad things really are?
Let Go and Let God didn't, and still doesn't, always make sense to me, but I can tell you from my experience I've seen miracles occur as a result of it. An Al-Anon friend would say at a meeting that when things were bad for her, she would just say over and over and over, Let Go and Let God, Let Go and Let God. I tried it for myself. While I didn't fully understand the meaning of it, things fell into place as I prayed it over and over again.
Detaching also helps me.
Even while I'm writing this, I need to take my own advise and detach, as my husband comes in the room in a drunken stuper and wants to talk away with me BS.
Silver Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Colorado
Posts: 28
I've been married over 26 years and my aw addicted for over 10 years. Every night is a struggle for me but the more I leave the problem to her the better I am. Last night I watched some old videos from the pre addiction days which reminded me how much I did and still do love my wife. As much as I hope and pray that she will see what she is doing to herself it never happens. Nonetheless I keep the hope alive, take care of myself, and will keep my family together for as long as I can.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 39
Irsh, you were one of the very first to reply to my very first thread, and my desperate cry for help. I got so much back from your thoughtful, daring answer, and could relate to it so much. I remember you saying you weren't brought up in an alcoholic childhood, so you didn't really recognise the signs...me neither! You were deep in the relationship before you the lightbulb lit!
I'd have stayed with my man if I'd known and he hadn't died on me (the swine!) and you've done the best you could. Please don't feel bad.
I'll be forever grateful for that 1st reply from you. Thanks s o much.
I'd have stayed with my man if I'd known and he hadn't died on me (the swine!) and you've done the best you could. Please don't feel bad.
I'll be forever grateful for that 1st reply from you. Thanks s o much.
been searching for the dream
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Inhaling the mountain air through my mind's eye.
Posts: 240
I just wanted to tell all of you a big thank you from the bottom of my heart. I truly feel you all there. I always feel so unimportant as a person. I feel sometimes really depressed and worthless but your posts each and every one of you these helped me. I have been reading and re-reading and i will always. Especially on the lousy days. I know I have greatly stumbled lately. I am beginning to see through all of you that even when I don't think my HP is there my God he is carrying me. Love to all of you. To another day.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: oz
Posts: 92
I live with my A but she's my Mother. I've recently let go of the denial and really rely on acceptance and letting go to get me through the day. I've battled with the idea that I'm some how hiding, atleast not acknowledging, the problem but I think its more that she's hiding and not acknowledging the problem. I am fully aware of the problem and live with it everyday I just choose not to spend 24/7 stewing in it. I think moving on with my life is definitely not hiding the problem.
Hmm. . . so I know that money will go to the addiction so I've started only leaving out enough to get cigs and gas. The gas money isn't going to be handed out any longer though cause she's been using it to buy drugs so now its only cig money and I fill up the car. I make a conscious effort from waking up to falling asleep not to react to my usual triggers.. . . I just keep right on with what I was doing and don't get all wound up. . . . I feel the anger or frustration or whatever but then I let it go instead of acting on it . . . no telling her to lay down when she falls asleep/passes out sitting up. . . no reminding her to eat. . . . or nagging her about other stuff or telling her how to get whatever done that she's battling with. . . . The hardest part for me is telling her NO. That I've been working on a lot. Its hard to say no to giving her money when she's lieing to me about what its for. I work hard at just saying no and not getting rapped up in an argument about what the money is for. . . . living with an active A that's in denial is so frutrating!
Hmm. . . so I know that money will go to the addiction so I've started only leaving out enough to get cigs and gas. The gas money isn't going to be handed out any longer though cause she's been using it to buy drugs so now its only cig money and I fill up the car. I make a conscious effort from waking up to falling asleep not to react to my usual triggers.. . . I just keep right on with what I was doing and don't get all wound up. . . . I feel the anger or frustration or whatever but then I let it go instead of acting on it . . . no telling her to lay down when she falls asleep/passes out sitting up. . . no reminding her to eat. . . . or nagging her about other stuff or telling her how to get whatever done that she's battling with. . . . The hardest part for me is telling her NO. That I've been working on a lot. Its hard to say no to giving her money when she's lieing to me about what its for. I work hard at just saying no and not getting rapped up in an argument about what the money is for. . . . living with an active A that's in denial is so frutrating!
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