embraced2000

granted, there are rules. we want to follow the rules. we want to share our thoughts freely and openly with each other.....even to the extent of softening the sharp edges of our realities with the advantage of humor.

people need humor in these dark, dark, episodes of our lives....everything doesn't always have to be so solemn and right on track....it's ok to not be perfect.

as far as throwing away the alcoholics belongings....i threw out old fish. it was inedible because it was so old....i neglected to say that in my first posting about the ole fish......my illness kept me hanging onto the old fish for the "misery fix" that i needed in my unhealthier days....i considered throwing out the fish a real accomplishment for me and was proud of my ability to turn loose of it......oh ye gads....this sounds so silly.

i'm ready to let it go.....however, i support and give validation to formers feelings....they are real and hurt her.

misunderstandings happen.

a persons whole picture should be studied instead of a few pixels.........

blessings to all
jeri

LaTeeDa

I have also been accused of this. But I take it as a compliment. LOL

L

mallowcup

I made a comment. I have an opinion. I did state that I understand full well the intent of the post. I understand exactly how each of you thinks about this and can identify with what each of you says, that includes the moderators. I don't think they come here to flex their sensoring muscle just to feel empowered. I am stepping away from the forum for a while. I find this whole topic has taken a defensive and caustic tone. I will say that it's too bad that some of us aren't so convicted and assertive in our own personal lives as we are here. When the board takes on a more positive vibe, I'll be back. This is totally negative at this point. Got enough of that at home.

Pick-a-name

It always does when I try...haha guess maybe the computer fears the "F" is an "S" , is the only thing I can come up with! ha

mazey

Hey, really gettin' a lil' fired up here....
I, too think an IM may have "felt" better to you, but looking back-I, personnally, didn't feel '...don't be a rebel sweetie' was an actual attack!

FormerDoormat

A padded insult is an insult nonetheless, and I didn't take it so harshly at first until others jumped on the band wagon and continued the public paddling.

pmaslan

I can so relate to what you said here Jeri. I had a few items that my ex
left behind. I saved them in case he came back then I could say "see I
saved your stuff!" My way of saying how much I loved him.
Recently while cleaning out the drawer where this stuff was stored
I decided to throw it out. I considered that a hugh accomplishment too
Jeri so I know how you feel. (((Jeri)))

Jill don't let it get to you, you know you are always appreciated and more
than welcome on my side of the world......(((Jill)))

FriendofBill

maybe a veiled bit of sarcasim? Can never tell in writing what the posted's intention was.

I know,,,I do it myself!!!

denny57

F O B can be a slur for immigrants. I think that's what it is.

BSPGirl

*sighs* I dunno what happened here but0 I decided to step back and not post a lot on here anymore exactly cuz of things like this constantly happening. What happened to tolerance, really? FormerDoormat, I respect you and imo the comment about your recovery was very uncalled for.

Marte

mazey

FOB, no sarcasm in my post.....why would you even ask that?

miss communicat

Having missed the original thread and not being interested in the drama anyway, there IS one thing that was said here I feel IS a mistake and does merit public clarification:

"And when did the feelings of newcommers become more important than those of us who have frequented this forum for years?" ( FD)

Actually, the newcomer IS the most important person in our recovery.

The newcomer reminds us of the pain of codependent irrationalization, in all of its many forms, including taking ourselves too seriously and needing to be right all of the time.

The newcomer helps us to keep the focus off of ourselves, because we can run on high emotional states and feel we are persecuted victims more often than not.

When we offer service, we stop suffering.

Joking among friends is always lovely, but acting cliqu-ey is not growth.

mallowcup

I reread my post to see what was so offensive and I still don't get it. I am not a new poster but the reference was made to me because I understand the mission of the moderators. The post started with a very understandable and funny story. Throwing out the fish is a metaphor for discarding the keepsakes not worth keeping. It was a statement. It was a step in recovery. Reference was made to me, "Mallow don't you ever laugh?" "Mallow is that blunt enough for you?" These threads are woven with some pretty hurtful comments. I reread the rules of this forum. Let me be clear about something. If someone would prefer that I NOT respond to their post, IM me privately. The very posters who complain about being berated in public have berated me in their own defense. As I read the rules, here are some things that jumped out at me. No disrupting the forum. No flame baiting. Do not embarrass or cause distress to another poster. If you have an issue, contact the admin. privately. Publically denouncing the actions of the forum leaders is inappropriate. Everyone has a bad day. In answer to the questions posed to me. Do I ever laugh? Yes, I laugh. I'm not ususally laughing when I come here. One poster asked what kids come here, they didn't know kids came here. Again, Ashley comes here. I have absolutely no understanding about what being a new poster or being a poster for years has to do with the validity of what anyone says here,nor do I look for an explanation. I try to be helpful and proactive in recovery. It is not the content that has anyone upset. It is the correction, as if being a long time poster negates anyone from correction. This entire matter has gotten out of control. I am not rude to anyone when I come here and I ask for the same respect. Old poster or new poster, if we are here, we need some kind of help. Maybe some of the people who have become friends can IM each other. It's great that friendships have developed. It shouldn't make others feel unwelcome. Trust me I have wanted to comment on the behaviors of some posters in their recovery. I have identified certain things that I feel are counter productive. Out of respect to their decisions I have not commented. None of this is personal. Its just someone trying to keep the board focused and helpful. If I disagree, I respectfully disagree.

TexasGirl

I hate when we fight.

Can it be over?

denny57

I'll throw out my standard suggestion here, too - we're all capable of blocking messages from those we don't agree with. It is possible to have disagreement without attacking the other person.

FormerDoormat

This is the comment I found offensive:

I had no problem with anything else you said.

If I had launched an insult at someone, I would understand the correction. But at no time did I deserve, nor is it appropriate in my opinion to be called out publicly as showing a "lack of recovery."

FormerDoormat

I have to disagree here, Ms. C. I am the most important person in my recovery. Just as the newcommer is responsible for their own recovery.

I agree with you here.

Again, I disagree, Ms. C. Alanon and SR teach us to keep the focus on OURSELVES and OUR recovery. I am not responsible for the recovery of others.

Have to disagree here, too. We stop suffering when we no longer feel we have to serve or rescue others.

I don't understand your comment about acting "cliqu-ey." Whom do you feel was acting "cliqu-ey? And once again, comments about a lack of growth are not appropriate in my opinion. They are hurtful.

FriendofBill

Mazey, not talking about your post, but the one by the mod, about the rebel sweetie...thats which one I meant.

miss communicat

FD,

I respectfully disagree with you and wish you well in your recovery. Best if we just let some things go now.

embraced2000

((((((hi fd)))))))

i miss your posts.....when i first came here, your posts were very insightful for me......you could cut through the crap and show me a different way of looking at a seemingly hopeless situation.

hope to see you back here and posting....

it's ok.....we're not perfect, i'm not perfect, they are not perfect, you are not perfect......hell, we're just a bunch of unperfect people sittin in the same unperfect boat.....hope to see you around again, real soon.

luv to ya
jeri