delight

well...I am back and to make a very long story short....I asked my husband to give me space 5 months ago after being together for 9 years. he is an A...who didnt want to give me space and just left and moved home with his mom(1000 mile away)...he has been up there for 5 months not working and partying every night. sleeping all day until 4 everyday...his life now but trying to paint picture.
well we were an odd couple together 24 hours a day for 9 years...we owned our own business...
well months have gone by ...communication at first was there but emotions usually led to one of us hanging up...


after not seeing him in 5 months I saw him at a show(our job)
then ended up spending the night with him and feeling really connected.
well the next morning he woke up and said what a mistake it was and basically told me to go home and forget about it...
HOW COULD HE DO ME LIKE THAT..he never did me like that before.
I thought maybe it was his way of making me feel as bad as he does...well then he came back to the room I was staying 2 days later and told me I was torturing myself by staying in town...that we should probably not eve be friends anymore becuase our feelings would just get in the way.
I feel alot of this comes from him not wanting to change his drinking and knowing thats the only way our relationship would work...so he says all of these other things are the problems but wont bring up the real problems...wont take any claim to his problems.
This was my best friend for 9 years ...and I have a hard time being mad at him becuase I know the alchohol has control of him...and I dont not want to be his friend,
It has been a month and he still has not contacted me.
I do want to email him just to let him know I am thinking of him and hope all is good for him...especially with all the things going on in the world ...it feels wrong that were not speaking.
please give me some advice
much love
delight

WE ARE ALL ONE*~

JT

Delight,

From the outside looking in it sounds like the ball is in his court. The decision has been taken away from you. On one hand that is great. You no longer have the burdon of feeling like the bad guy. But on the other you have no control...which for us co's drives us crazy. Trying to get in his head and figure out the "why's" is futile. It can't be done. Even if it could nothing would change.

Time heals many things and you can't see around corners. The future may hold a friendship with this man. Feelings are raw on both of your parts right now.

For now...do good things for you and let us know how you are.

Hugs,
JT

Gabe

question. He is keeping his distance because he knows that a successful relationship with you would involve a sober life. And that's okay. You have a right and a need to make that requirement. He just doesn't sound like he's ready to commit to a responsible life or a responsible relationship. I'm sorry that these circumstances are hurting your heart right now. It's hard to have a best friend who decides that their drinking is more important than you are.
Peace,
Gabe

delight

thanks for the posts
everything helps right about now.
At this point...I know the ball is in his court ...to bad theres no air in it...lol

On one note...I am proud of myself for not contacting him for a month(thats a miracle) I am the "lets fix it and make it better girl"
Hes a jerk and I call or write and make it better.

This is all so hard to process...especially seeing him and the circumstances that happened didnt make it better.

Only thing is ... the way the world is going I just want to let him knpw Im thinking of him,and want to stay friends atleast.
but on the other hand I feel he should contact me first...and maybe he will start to realize I am not there if I stop reaching out to him.
I feel like when I call ....hes like oh shes still cares..shes still there.
so should I just continue to not call or email at all like I have...

Or at this point does it even matter.
he is just so unforgiving at me...even 5 months down the line
when all i did was finally put my foot down.
now he claims he wont be able to forgive me for not standing by his side.


arrrggghhh...whaaaaaa...boooohoooo...eeekkk
delight

Ann

delight

It's called manipulation. If you behave the way he wants, if you give up your boundaries, if you let kim do whatever he wants to do....then you can have the prize - him.

You have to ask yourself - Is he worth it?

The alternative is to work your own program, work through the grief and loss, heal from the pain....and your future will be so much brighter.

Ask yourself where and how you want to be one year from now, or five years. My guess is that you would prefer to be happy in a healthy relationship. And you can be - just not with this man.