I can't seem to "detach"...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 13
I can't seem to "detach"...
I am a 31 yo daughter of an A.
My mother is progressing so fast w/ her Alcoholism.
She was just arrested last month for shoplifting booze on a Sunday... (can't buy on Sun. in our state)...
She had a court date last week and basically got out of any charges...
I have been so angry and upset... after so many people suggesting Al-Anon I have gone to 2 meetings in a week and I think they are great. I am going to continue w/ them.
However, after vowing "This time was the last time, etc..." - she is again drinking. My son's 4th bday party is this weekend and I am sure she won't be there because she will be drunk. It makes me so mad - and now people will be asking me "where is your mom, etc..." - I just don't know how to let it go and go on w/ my own life while she is ruining hers!
My mother is progressing so fast w/ her Alcoholism.
She was just arrested last month for shoplifting booze on a Sunday... (can't buy on Sun. in our state)...
She had a court date last week and basically got out of any charges...
I have been so angry and upset... after so many people suggesting Al-Anon I have gone to 2 meetings in a week and I think they are great. I am going to continue w/ them.
However, after vowing "This time was the last time, etc..." - she is again drinking. My son's 4th bday party is this weekend and I am sure she won't be there because she will be drunk. It makes me so mad - and now people will be asking me "where is your mom, etc..." - I just don't know how to let it go and go on w/ my own life while she is ruining hers!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Glad the meetings are going well for you 23girl - keep going - it's a process; I learned over many meetings about detachment and all the other that goes with living with an alcoholic relative. It isn't a magic pill, keeping the focus on me gradually let me remove it from the addict.
"Unfortunately, she couldn't make it" can be a fine response to anyone who asks why she isn't there; then change the subject.
Good luck and happy birthday to your son!
"Unfortunately, she couldn't make it" can be a fine response to anyone who asks why she isn't there; then change the subject.
Good luck and happy birthday to your son!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Welcome....
My Mom was the first Alcoholic in my life so I know how you feel, I remember so many times being angry, hurt, embarrased and just plain blown away trying to understand it.
Sweetie ... all I can suggest is to take the focus off her and detach. You will never get it and it will drive you crazy trying. You dont have to come up with excuses for her, just be honest "You dont know where she is"
Im sorry your struggling.... Enjoy your sons Birthday and take care of yourself.
My Mom was the first Alcoholic in my life so I know how you feel, I remember so many times being angry, hurt, embarrased and just plain blown away trying to understand it.
Sweetie ... all I can suggest is to take the focus off her and detach. You will never get it and it will drive you crazy trying. You dont have to come up with excuses for her, just be honest "You dont know where she is"
Im sorry your struggling.... Enjoy your sons Birthday and take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hi there 23girl,
Sorry your Mom's alcoholism is causing you so much pain. My parents were alkies too, and caused me all kinds of pain. Sounds to me like you're doing real good going to al-anon meets and working on _you_. That whole "let go and let God" thing was very difficult for me, took me awhile to get the hang of it but once I figured it out it made a huge improvement in my life.
The way I started is I realized that the only time my biological Mom would call me was to dump all the drama of her life onto me. I decided that a shrink would charge her a couple hundred a bucks a session to listen to that *****, so I started telling my Mom that she had to pay _me_ 100 bucks an hour to listen to her drams. And just like a real doctor, I wanted payment at time of service, no credit.
Whadya know, she quit calling me
Mike
Sorry your Mom's alcoholism is causing you so much pain. My parents were alkies too, and caused me all kinds of pain. Sounds to me like you're doing real good going to al-anon meets and working on _you_. That whole "let go and let God" thing was very difficult for me, took me awhile to get the hang of it but once I figured it out it made a huge improvement in my life.
The way I started is I realized that the only time my biological Mom would call me was to dump all the drama of her life onto me. I decided that a shrink would charge her a couple hundred a bucks a session to listen to that *****, so I started telling my Mom that she had to pay _me_ 100 bucks an hour to listen to her drams. And just like a real doctor, I wanted payment at time of service, no credit.
Whadya know, she quit calling me
Mike
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Hate that you are hurting from the pain of this disease - Recovery has taught me some wonderful words like:
"I don't know" or "I'm uncomfortable discussing that"
You don't have to have all the answers or talk about things you don't want.
You can focus on your son's birthday - you can set those boundaries and enjoy the pleasure of the moment -
Glad you found those meetings - for me, they are great at helping me in my recovery and keeping my serenity and sanity.
Happy Birthday to your son!!
One Day at a Time,
Rita
"I don't know" or "I'm uncomfortable discussing that"
You don't have to have all the answers or talk about things you don't want.
You can focus on your son's birthday - you can set those boundaries and enjoy the pleasure of the moment -
Glad you found those meetings - for me, they are great at helping me in my recovery and keeping my serenity and sanity.
Happy Birthday to your son!!
One Day at a Time,
Rita
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
