blizzard77

I got a very unexpected phone call from H this morning he said " check the pawn shops in the city, I was addicted to crack cocaine. I love you. BYE
Then five minutes later he calls again " I just want you to know I'm sorry". I asked him how long it had been going on (he was in rehab march of this yrs for opiates/alcohol) he didn't say. Just said he tried it once and couldn't stop and "did some terrible things to get it". Swears he was faithful mostly resorted to stealing. He said I had to leave NC. I just couldn't stop, now I have to get my life back together. I had to get away from the dealers I knew. He says he's been off of it almost two weeks. I told him to take care of himself but made him aware that I want a divorce. He said OK. Bye. WTF every since he lost his job it's gone from beer to opiates to crack cocaine. didn't he pay attention in rehab, He seemed to do good for a bit and then when reality set in he couldn't cope. What a waste of a life.

Cynay

It is a waste of a life....

But you have to remember the physical part of it hon... there is a different way they process Alcohol, I have no idea how they process the other stuff.

But the good news is you kinda know where to look now right????

BigSis

Addiction is huge... far bigger than I ever imagined. It is so much more than just not using or drinking... otherwise quitting would be a pretty simple affair.

I believe in the genetic predisposition theory... I was born an alcoholic.... I was born with a genetic predisposition to react DIFFERENTLY to drugs, food and alcohol than my "normie" friends.

When I attend AA meetings... I see many of my personality traits reflected back at me. I hear many things that ring true for me.... feeling "less than" (before I ever drank!)... filling the "hole in the middle" things in addition to the actual physical need to numb my feelings. There is a commonality amongst addicts and alcoholics that is not present among normies.

I didn't need AA to abstain from alcohol... but I think I was just fortunate... I stopped early enough in the progression of my condition (alcohlism IS progressive), to be able to quit on will-power alone. That is rare.

I wasn't so lucky with some of my other obsessions... I am working a 12-step program around my obsession regarding my addicted children... wanting to manage, martyr, mother and monitor them to death. In some ways, my behavior with them mimics the addictive behavior I've seen in alcoholics and addicts.

By attending lots of meetings (both AA and Alanon) and several of the family week programs at multiple rehabs (for both my kids), I finally "know" that rehab is not a silver bullet... and just because my loved one relapses when they come home does not mean it was a waste or didn't "take". I learned from every rehab, as did my kids... and my daughter went to 4 in 2 years (completing 3 of the 4).

I am glad he is trying to mend a few of the wounds he has inflicted... having you check pawn shops might be a way of letting you know where he sold some of your things... which may matter to you later, or not.

If understanding an addict or alcoholic is what you want, I would suggest you consider attending a few open AA or NA meetings. If figuring out what part you might have played in the dance of addiction is what you are looking for- I found Alanon to be a real blessing.

In either case, I wish you the best.

trishsis

Unfortunately,I know first hand what it is like to be close to a crack addict.My sister, Trish, who most know on this site passed in March from this affliction.I also am a recovering RX pill addict so I know just a little.My sister would steal anything that was not nailed down so she could get her drugs.She had been active since she was 17 and passed when she was 45.She had been to 30 re habs and would get some clean time and would think she could go out again.Well,as we know it did not work. All the advice I can give is to be supportive and try to understand The Nature of the Beast. Big Sis's advice on attending the different meetings is a good one. But, you have to remember that you come first. If you do not keep that in the front of your mind at all times.All you can do is be as supportive as possible and keep him on your prayers. All the best to you, and I hope all works out for you and your family.With Love, Nan

mallowcup

The way your husband left town, I'm concerned for your safety. I'm hoping he left no debts unpaid. Also, have yourself tested for STDs. Honesty is not his strongest virtue.

trishsis

I forgot a very important thing.Take care of yourself,you could become physically ill and be of no help to anyone including YOURSELF, and as I said you come first.I made the mistake of trying to take care of everyone else but myself and did become ill.All Will be Well, Just have Faith.With Love and Caring, Nan

embraced2000

hugs blizzard
hang in there

blessings
jeri

blizzard77

thank you all for responding. it was just such a blow to hear him say that he was addicted to crack. i was able to accept that he was just a liar and a horrible person and was doing better. now I see it was the addiction monster again. another victim, his life is so messed up right now. no job, lots of child support issues and I'm scared as hell for him. I have been taking care of me but today i cried over the death of a man to his addictions. I'm worried but I'm not getting involved. i have no phone number for him so that's good for me plus he's 800 miles away. i know some people do go out and recover but i don't think he'll be one of them, unfortunately. as far as my saftey goes, my brother has moved in with me to help me and him out so I'm not here alone and I will be making an appointment with the Dr. for STD checks. my heart bleeds for him, he's so not the person I fell in love with. So, I'll keep praying and letting go. It really was getting better until today. I mean I knew it had to be something for him to be stealing but I didn't think it was crack.

embraced2000

blizzard
i can just feel the pain in your post. i understand so much what you are going through.

where are the men that we fell in love with???? mine went from successfull military career with a sociology degree and behavior specialist to a homeless addict living in shelters and half-way houses.

and the disgusting things he has done to protect his addiction....it's just too much for me to bear at times.

so hard to understand how big and powerful addiction is.....thank god i got out and saved myself, because i surely could not save him.

blessings
jeri

deax

blizzard I am truly sorry to hear this. Crack comes straight from the depths of Hell. My ex had a history with crack too, and somehow I think he's able to pick it up and put it down, but to this day he talks about it. The way "bells go off" the first time he used it, which he never forgot and they always search for again, the things he did and places he ended up from it (homeless, stealing, arrested for assault, etc...). He still has cocaine binges that I'm aware of, but I dunno if he's doing crack... I would venture to guess not, but it's just always there... the possibility... it was always a worry I had from his past and the past has a way of creepng back into the present. As for getting away, my ex did the same thing, it's how he ended up living 3 hours away. What they don't understand, or don't want to accept, is that dealers are everywhere. Geographic relocation doesn't do jack by itself, it only works when their heads change.

People here say a lot that you find out information when you need it, when it's God's will for you to know it. I would consider this situation of yours an example. You now have a little more information than when he left. Than when you first found out your jewelry had been stolen. Someone out there is painting a picture for you, in a way that is a blessing.

Pick-a-name

Any luck finding any of your jewelry or haken't you tried (now that you have an idea where to look).

Sorry about all of this;glad your brother is there to help.

blizzard77

No, I didn't even go look. I have no money to buy it back even if I do find it. He can't steal my memories.

steve11694

if it soothes anyone here let me say i personally know someone that was on crack cocaine. he lost job, home, family and was eventually homeless. the person was trained as a surgeon. friends and family could not tell him anything as the "I know it all" attitude was pervasive. more intelligent/more educated can be tougher to deal with since they think they know it all.

anyway, mere homelessness did not break the camels back as long as he had crack. bottom is said to be different for everyone. bottom was smelling so bad that some reasoning kicked in. "how can i smell so bad if i am this educated" what is different now from 2 years ago? the answer, crack.

he is back from the darkness into the light and crystal clear working and functioning. recovery IS possible, though we cannot say for who, when, where, why.

StandingStrong

(((Blizzard)))

We (as non-Addicts) may never fully understand what goes on in a person's mind that is addicted. I know that it is something that I do not and will not ever understand. However, what I am getting at is that there have been many times over the years that I have asked myself (and AH) the question "WHY?" Sometimes it was out of anger but most often it was out of pure hurt and pain that I'd ask, seeking an answer that would bring me to understand. Or at least, begin to understand on some level.
I bring this up because I wonder if you felt the same. For all the pain you'd already been through, I guess I figured you had asked the "Why" question of him taking your precious items, as I'm sure that he knew they were of great value to you. And now, if nothing else, you may have found the answer to that question.
I am not saying that it makes it right nor pardons what he did as it was still stealing and is wrong. But perhaps you can catch some sort of peace in knowing why he did it. It wasn't to hurt you nor was it to cause you pain - it was to stop his pain.
As addicts are selfish, yours was also. But dear, he didn't do this to hurt you. Remember that addiction is a whole other realm of life that a non-addict will probably never grasp. Don't take it personally.
If you need too - go read again the post that Jon posted about "What Addicts Do".

Please take care of yourself Blizzard. You've been through so much and I worry about you.
(((Blizzard))))

Ayers1995

Blizzard - First of all I want to say that people who are in the depths of the crack addiction can be very good at hiding it. I personally have an experience where an uncle was addicted to crack and he would wait for my aunt to go to bed at night and he'd sneak out and do awful things to get it.
I mean unbelievable things.... but she NEVER had a clue. One night she walked into his room and he was asleep w/his laptop open and she went to turn it off for him and found gay porn up on the screen... it went from there.

I hate to say it, but the test for STD's is a great idea. My aunt ended up with Hepatatis B and the Uncle is HIV positive... Do all you can to make sure your health is good and then take your steps forward to rebuilding you life. We are all here for you. It may not seem like alot of comfort, but I will even send you my cell number if you ever want to talk or vent.

Some people recover. Some people spend the rest of their lives looking for that next fix. I guess it is alot like alcohol addiction... but seems like it works on the body and mind alot quicker.

God bless you and I sure wish the best for you.

deax

My ex did the same thing when he first starte living with his ex-fiancee, who's passed away now. He would sneak out after she fell asleep, until she caught him one night. I really don't think he was doing this when he was with me, but I guess you can never know anything for sure... which gives me a queasy feeling. And like steve said, homelessness itself wasnt enough to deter him from that stuff either. Said he didn't mind at the time, had no one "on his ass," just did his own thing. I HATE that drug.