I told on him.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ga
Posts: 6
I told on him.
Hello everybody,
I spent the whole week with him at his apt. He didnt drink all week, but I found where he keeps all his drugs that he bought on-line. I counted them each morning starting on tuesday, and every morning there was a bunch more gone.
Tuesday night I asked him how much xanax he was using, he said just a half of one tablet each day. By Thursday there were 40 less xanax and 30 less codiene phosphate tablets. In three days.
On Thursday I saw my new therapist who is at the same clinic where
my husband sees his Psychiatrist. (He doesnt know thats where my therapist is.)
Anyway, I told the therapist what my husband has been doing and that he
sees the Psychiatrist there. I told him I specifically chose to come there because of that. He told me to call the Psychiatrist and tell him everything. So, this morning I did. Not directly, but through his assistant. She called back to tell me that The Dr. will confront him at his next visit.
The therapist also said to tell my husband that I've been counting his pills and ask him to please explain the discrepancy. So, I did that last night.
He admitted that, yes because of the bad cold he has, that he thinks has turned into a lung infection, he has been taking 4 or 5 xanax a day just to relax the muscles in his chest because they are sore from coughing. Said he's taking the codiene every four hours for pain, that there is no problem, and he wasn't honest with me because he thought I would over react.
He also said that he hasnt taken all those pills, that he's keeping a stockpile at work. This morning all the drugs were gone.
He didnt go to a Dr. for his lung infection, he ordered an antibiotic on-line.
His next appointment with the Psychiatrist is in December.
The assistant told me I could try to get him to come in sooner, so I
emailed him this morning and asked if he wanted to see his psychiatrist sooner and talk honestly about the drugs he's been using, that maybe the Dr. could help. I also offered to go with him. He doesnt know I've snitched
on him. Yet.
I dont know what else I can do for now other than take a break for my own sanity. I'm spending the weekend at my Grandparrents old house by myself.
I woke up from my nap this afternoon with a feeling of dread, like I had an awful dream. Normally I would think, oh it was just a bad dream. This time
it wasnt. I'll be so glad when this is all over, one way or another. I just have to decide how much longer I can afford to hang on.
I think this will be my last effort.
I spent the whole week with him at his apt. He didnt drink all week, but I found where he keeps all his drugs that he bought on-line. I counted them each morning starting on tuesday, and every morning there was a bunch more gone.
Tuesday night I asked him how much xanax he was using, he said just a half of one tablet each day. By Thursday there were 40 less xanax and 30 less codiene phosphate tablets. In three days.
On Thursday I saw my new therapist who is at the same clinic where
my husband sees his Psychiatrist. (He doesnt know thats where my therapist is.)
Anyway, I told the therapist what my husband has been doing and that he
sees the Psychiatrist there. I told him I specifically chose to come there because of that. He told me to call the Psychiatrist and tell him everything. So, this morning I did. Not directly, but through his assistant. She called back to tell me that The Dr. will confront him at his next visit.
The therapist also said to tell my husband that I've been counting his pills and ask him to please explain the discrepancy. So, I did that last night.
He admitted that, yes because of the bad cold he has, that he thinks has turned into a lung infection, he has been taking 4 or 5 xanax a day just to relax the muscles in his chest because they are sore from coughing. Said he's taking the codiene every four hours for pain, that there is no problem, and he wasn't honest with me because he thought I would over react.
He also said that he hasnt taken all those pills, that he's keeping a stockpile at work. This morning all the drugs were gone.
He didnt go to a Dr. for his lung infection, he ordered an antibiotic on-line.
His next appointment with the Psychiatrist is in December.
The assistant told me I could try to get him to come in sooner, so I
emailed him this morning and asked if he wanted to see his psychiatrist sooner and talk honestly about the drugs he's been using, that maybe the Dr. could help. I also offered to go with him. He doesnt know I've snitched
on him. Yet.
I dont know what else I can do for now other than take a break for my own sanity. I'm spending the weekend at my Grandparrents old house by myself.
I woke up from my nap this afternoon with a feeling of dread, like I had an awful dream. Normally I would think, oh it was just a bad dream. This time
it wasnt. I'll be so glad when this is all over, one way or another. I just have to decide how much longer I can afford to hang on.
I think this will be my last effort.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
Controlling his addiction.
Wont cure him. Will probably make it worse.
He is a grown up...he is allowed to make his own choices, even if it means hurting himself....no matter how much you hate them.Let go...and get help for yourself.
Wont cure him. Will probably make it worse.
He is a grown up...he is allowed to make his own choices, even if it means hurting himself....no matter how much you hate them.Let go...and get help for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Glad to hear your getting away this weekend.....
Hon, this is being said the nicest way I know how and always remember to take what you want but......
You are going to drive yourself insane with the way you are reacting. When I check up on, call on, confront, keep tabs etc I am keeping my focus on my A and in doing this Im not getting myself healthy only more sick and insane.
He will have an excuse for everything, He is not going to admit to anything and there is nothing you can do till he is ready for recovery.
I know its easier said then done but I hope you can find some senerity and let his addictions go.....
Hon, this is being said the nicest way I know how and always remember to take what you want but......
You are going to drive yourself insane with the way you are reacting. When I check up on, call on, confront, keep tabs etc I am keeping my focus on my A and in doing this Im not getting myself healthy only more sick and insane.
He will have an excuse for everything, He is not going to admit to anything and there is nothing you can do till he is ready for recovery.
I know its easier said then done but I hope you can find some senerity and let his addictions go.....
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
I look back to my past and wonder why I always counted, searched, sniffed, measured his usage.
The answer I found was:
1. It validated my suspicions that he was INDEED abusing alcohol and I was RIGHT all along!
2. If it was a significant amount of usage, I could point it out to him and SURELY even he would acknowledge it was abusive and would immediately seek help.
So, in hindsight, being right did nothing but make me miserable, because, alas, he is still active today....
The answer I found was:
1. It validated my suspicions that he was INDEED abusing alcohol and I was RIGHT all along!
2. If it was a significant amount of usage, I could point it out to him and SURELY even he would acknowledge it was abusive and would immediately seek help.
So, in hindsight, being right did nothing but make me miserable, because, alas, he is still active today....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ga
Posts: 6
Thanks guys,
I guess I'm doing things all wrong.
I know all of you have a lot more experience with addiction than I do,
and that you've been where I am now.
Theres no long history for us, and I feel like I hardly know him after all
the deciept. It doesnt feel anything like love between us.
So, I dont think it will be that hard to put this behind me and take
a valuable lesson from it. Hopefully, with some therapy I'll learn how not
to do this again.
I do see him as a person who's in big trouble and needs help.
And I feel like I should try to get him to someone who can help him
before I leave.
I guess I'm doing things all wrong.
I know all of you have a lot more experience with addiction than I do,
and that you've been where I am now.
Theres no long history for us, and I feel like I hardly know him after all
the deciept. It doesnt feel anything like love between us.
So, I dont think it will be that hard to put this behind me and take
a valuable lesson from it. Hopefully, with some therapy I'll learn how not
to do this again.
I do see him as a person who's in big trouble and needs help.
And I feel like I should try to get him to someone who can help him
before I leave.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
JM just remember no one can really help him but himself.
Remember the 3 C's:
You didn't CAUSE it,
You can't CONTROL it, and
You can't CURE it.
No one can help him until he's ready, and when he is ready, he NEEDS to find someone to help him, he NEEDS to find the NA meetings, he NEEDS to express his need for help to his pysch dr.
No need to feel guilty. You NEED to do for you, not him. JM you really can't help him as much as you would like to, sorry.
J M H O
I will keep you in my daily prayers.
Love and hugs,
Remember the 3 C's:
You didn't CAUSE it,
You can't CONTROL it, and
You can't CURE it.
No one can help him until he's ready, and when he is ready, he NEEDS to find someone to help him, he NEEDS to find the NA meetings, he NEEDS to express his need for help to his pysch dr.
No need to feel guilty. You NEED to do for you, not him. JM you really can't help him as much as you would like to, sorry.
J M H O
I will keep you in my daily prayers.
Love and hugs,
Always hopeful...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Illinois
Posts: 429
You really can't help him. I know you think you can and sincerely want to, but you can not help him stop or decrease his use. Do you do Alanon/Nar? You are doing okay, you are trying to sort it out and will get to the point you should be.....NOT counting, Not trying to control it, NOT getting in his business. You are wearing yourself out, and it is going to 'eat you alive'. Read the stuff up top again. Take a deep breath and just think about you, and what will help you, cuz you can control that. And you'll like helping yourself, cuz it will be satisfying, not troublesome.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
jm,
I sense in your second post that you're feeling sort of stupid and inferior to people who know more about addiction.
Don't.
The whole "let go" attitude of recovery is hard, and counter-intuitive. Don't feel like you're silly for counting his pills or checking on him -- we've all been there, done that. Because we all want to believe them, and believe that our sneaky suspicions really aren't true.
You're not stupid. You're just suffering from the same addict behavior that all of us here are. Love yourself, and take care of yourself. That's your best bet.
I sense in your second post that you're feeling sort of stupid and inferior to people who know more about addiction.
Don't.
The whole "let go" attitude of recovery is hard, and counter-intuitive. Don't feel like you're silly for counting his pills or checking on him -- we've all been there, done that. Because we all want to believe them, and believe that our sneaky suspicions really aren't true.
You're not stupid. You're just suffering from the same addict behavior that all of us here are. Love yourself, and take care of yourself. That's your best bet.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
I guess I'm suprised they advised you to confront him. That just seems like bad idea. I would think that he needn't ever know you were counting the pills. Isn't the real point so far as you are concerned simply that the pills are disappearing? Isn't the real point so far as you are concerned that he is using and he still getting pills on line? That's the imformation that you need to make your own choices. Anything more than that sems like an effort to control it. People build up tolerances to these kind of meds that stun us when we seee how many they can take and still function. Some of these dosages would knock a horse down. I just met a woman who wore a fentanyl patch, a duragesic patch, 10 my of valium three times a day and a fentanyl PCA, (patient controlled anagesia). She was delightful and seemed completely normal and functional. She used this doseage legitimately for pain control. At 50 years old with chronic pain, this is what it takes. My point is that sometimes people take more and more to get the same effect and if we didn't pay attention we would be stunned to see how many narcotics a person can take and function. Stoppong or having the supply cut off would be so devastating. In any case, your husband has some real drug issues that seem to be going in the wrong direction. His idea seems to be to take more, not less. I thik you shouldmake choices about your life based on the truth , not the excuses and the intentions.
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