Potential
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I have 2 dollars in my wallet that have the potential to BUY a lotto ticket, which has the POTENTIAL to make me a millionaire? should I quit my job based on that potential??? or is it best I wait til I see pigs fly......?
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
I have 2 dollars in my wallet that have the potential to BUY a lotto ticket, which has the POTENTIAL to make me a millionaire? should I quit my job based on that potential??? or is it best I wait til I see pigs fly......?
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
Originally Posted by spring
I kept saying "But I know what a good person he is inside, if he could just be the man I know he could be", ect., ect.,......
My therapist said "It is not wise to base a relationship on loving someone's "potential." We ALL have the potential to be many things. It is WHO we ARE TODAY that needs to be acknowledged. Do you love who he is TODAY?, because that is the only person you can be absolutely sure he is willing to be and that may be who you will be trying to "love" forever."
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 109
Boy, am I in the same boat with y'all. How many men's "potential" have I fallen in love with over the years, and then wasted all kinds of time/energy/money trying to "help" them live up to it?! Which never happened, not once!
For me, I think I do it because I am ashamed that I haven't lived up to MY full potential, and don't want anyone to notice.
For me, I think I do it because I am ashamed that I haven't lived up to MY full potential, and don't want anyone to notice.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 83
I sit here thinking about the fact I will be separated in 5 days...I'm actually excited. My AAH is being pretty peaceful. I love him so much. But its time to get out of the way...I have hope we will stay together.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,781
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
I have 2 dollars in my wallet that have the potential to BUY a lotto ticket, which has the POTENTIAL to make me a millionaire? should I quit my job based on that potential??? or is it best I wait til I see pigs fly......?
Such a great thread so I'm bumping it up again.
I've run into this issue at work recently with the bosslady over issues with hiring an assistant for me. I've actually been utilizing my recovery work a LOT over this & other issues in the office lately - which keeps me aware that the ripple effect of changes in our lives from this process isn't limited to just dealing with our qualifiers. Our last "discussion" contained comments from me such as, "Are you asking me to judge her on her POTENTIAL??.... because I don't know HOW to do that, especially with a person I don't even know." & "I believe she can handle the job, but I can't make her believe that. I can't give her self-confidence or make her WANT it." "I see a big, red flag waving in this candidate that neglected to include her DUI on her application where it specifically asks for that info - & then JADE'd the hell out of her answer when directly questioned..... it doesn't really matter what her reasons were at that point." (I had to walk away from the "but maybe" replies from BossLady & reminded her that "but maybe" she was making assumptions.)
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
believe it or not, i did NOT win a million dollars. hell i didn't even win five. good thing i kept my job after all.......
ironic, as i too am just at the beginning process of getting ME as assistant, after 4-5 years on m own managing our group. and your post gave me some good insight.....i need to focus on what skills the candidates HAVE not what i think i can coax out of them over time.
move in condition versus fixer upper.
ironic, as i too am just at the beginning process of getting ME as assistant, after 4-5 years on m own managing our group. and your post gave me some good insight.....i need to focus on what skills the candidates HAVE not what i think i can coax out of them over time.
move in condition versus fixer upper.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,781
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
move in condition versus fixer upper.
I believe I'm a full year away from properly utilizing an assistant so we disagree over the basic need for this person. But, hey, not my monkey or circus here either.
I balked when she told me, "I want to hire an Enabler!!" based on a business article she had read that discussed how this type of person in the office helps everyone else become more successful.
So I was specific about the job requirements & duties & we've now gone through about 150 resumes & a dozen+ F2F interviews...... and she keeps adjusting the job around the person (which somehow puts me in mind of the frog in the pot of boiling water).... I have said at least 3x this week - but that's not what this job is about!
Currently on my 2nd assistant in as many months - & after 3 weeks of part-time training she's been out a full 2 weeks for back issues than are apparently aggravated by sitting at a desk. No idea when/if she'll be able to return or in what capacity. I like her, it's not personal at all but this doesn't give me hope for our busier season!
Venting to DD about it recently she remarked "It's like your HP just keeps trying to tell you that you don't NEED an assistant right now, have you thought of that?"
Uh, yeah, it crossed my mind once or twice.
Sorry to hear that your lottery plan didn't flesh out, good thing you have Plan B!
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by sallyshoestring
This post about potential just helped me make a really difficult decision to break up with an addict that I was feeling really intense love for. His life is such a mess- so much irresponsibility, relationship problems, money problems, minimizing his addiction...
All I could think about is "what if this is as good as it gets. That this is all he's really willing to be- especially once I swoop in with all the tender mothering I so love to give."
I heard the alarms ringing. I felt a gnawing sensation in my stomach, through my whole body. I decided that I couldn't trust him and his promises to be better. But I could TRUST myself. I could take a chance on me. Take a chance that the voice inside, the intuitive anxiety in my gut was leading me in the right place. And I know that I made the right decision. Maybe he will turn his life around and get sober. I hope he does. But, I'm not willing to take the risk that he's not. Why should I? I will find love again. Boundless, mature love.
Listen to those voices- your higher self. What kind of life do you feel you deserve? What kind of life do you want?
YOU HAVE A CHOICE.
It doesn't mean you have to stop loving that person, or that it isn't terribly sad and heartbreaking. But, you don't have to compromise your healthy life for someone who needs to find their own mental and emotional health. Give them that gift. Let them find it on their own, and find love. You do the same...
All I could think about is "what if this is as good as it gets. That this is all he's really willing to be- especially once I swoop in with all the tender mothering I so love to give."
I heard the alarms ringing. I felt a gnawing sensation in my stomach, through my whole body. I decided that I couldn't trust him and his promises to be better. But I could TRUST myself. I could take a chance on me. Take a chance that the voice inside, the intuitive anxiety in my gut was leading me in the right place. And I know that I made the right decision. Maybe he will turn his life around and get sober. I hope he does. But, I'm not willing to take the risk that he's not. Why should I? I will find love again. Boundless, mature love.
Listen to those voices- your higher self. What kind of life do you feel you deserve? What kind of life do you want?
YOU HAVE A CHOICE.
It doesn't mean you have to stop loving that person, or that it isn't terribly sad and heartbreaking. But, you don't have to compromise your healthy life for someone who needs to find their own mental and emotional health. Give them that gift. Let them find it on their own, and find love. You do the same...
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