peterpan

Hi,
I'm new to this site but desperately wanting answers. I am not detaching very well at all. My friend/ex boyfriend has been a heavy drinker for years. He disappeared a few months ago without warning. Everything was fine and then poof. I'm worried, but friends have seen him and say he's ok and that he asks about me. I got one humorous/joke e-mail and that's it. No returning phone calls, nothing.

I feel like I did something to annoy or pissed him off in some way but I don't know what. I keep telling myself it's just his drinking, but I'm not sure I believe it in my heart. Where do I go to understand an alcoholics behavior? We were really close and I miss him.

I'm not new to alcoholism by any means. I've got three uncles who died from it, a brother who is in recovery, my father was a workaholic and I'm fully aware of my compulsive personality. I just don't understand the behavior!!!!!!!
peterpan

guyinNC

I think it may be impossible to understand the thinking of an alcoholic mind. My alcoholic STBXW disappeared too.......we all know where she is, who she is with, but she chose to cut off all contact with her kids and family. As much as I don't understand this behavior, I have come to think this is blessing. Life with someone in grips of an addiction is hell. Until she gets help its better for me and the kids that she stays away.

Zoey

My guess would be, he has found someone that will drink with him. If so she has done you a favor.
Sorry, but it happens a lot it seems. Drink is all they live for.

Please try Al-Anon meetings, we all need to learn about alcoholism and what it does to SO and families. Then we will learn how to not be attracted to them.
Without Al-Anon we keep finding alcoholics.

All suggestions. Read everything you can here on this site.

StandingStrong

Welcome to SR Peterpan.

I've come to realize (after many years, I might add) that there are going to be some things in life that I'm never going to understand, no matter how much I want too or how much I try. The mind of an A is one of those things.

I'm curious if you attend Alanon since you mentioned that you aren't new to alcoholism affecting those that you love and care about.

I've heard it mentioned it here numerous times (though I know I can't explain it nearly as well as others here) about how a person tends to choose to be with people that make them feel comfortable.
For example, If I have grown up in chaos all of my life - that is what I have learned. Therefore, I will feel most comfortable in a relationship with chaos as that is what I know.
I learned alot about my own codependant issues in regards to my AH and my relationship.

I'd suggest you read "Codependant No More" by Melody Beattie.