jasyjen

I just returned from therapy. During my session my counselor told me my husband is a functioning alcoholic. Imagine that I didn't realize it before. I feel like someone punched me in the stomach, and I don't know what to think, or do, or say.

I guess I joined this so I can meet someone like me, and maybe get a few words of wisdom. Right now I am very confused and I don't know what to think.

If you have any words of advice that may help me. Please give them to me. I don't know who to talk to about this.

Thank you-
Jenny

Ngokpa

Functional alcoholics can be difficult because alcohol doesn't get in the way of work much, so that things don't look chaotic, which means they're not as likely to seek help. Often people in relationships with alcoholics don't see the problem because there are perks to the situation, and they don't want to upset the status quo.

I drank because that's how I knew how to cope and deal with stress. I didn't know how many problems it caused, or how stressful it was. That's pretty normal.

It would be good to learn about it, especially through Al-Anon. Connecting with people who understand what you're going through and are dealing with it themselves is a huge step.

Good luck!

Zoey

Many function at work for years, However if it causes him problems with family members it is a problem.
He has probably not written a bad check, YET. Never got a DUI, YET, hit anyone, YET. throwed things, broke things, YET.

Let me suggest you Google "types of alcoholics" and see what you find.

If I could drink 1 or 2 and be done, I would be normal, but if I cannot stop till ready to pas out then I am addicted.

Pick-a-name

(((jasyjen))))

I understand your "shock".............truly, that is what it has been for me,too. My A (exH who just divorced me after nearly 28 yrs because of this) is still functional,too...although not nearly so much as he was years ago. (I guess the fact that he has chosen alcohol and it's lifestyle over his marriage and family is a "tip-off"!) He did not/does not fit what I imagined an "alcoholic" to look like,to act like. He is very,very successful in business,is careful not to drink in public,pays bills (though getting sloppy,I think).still Looks the part of a non-alcoholic; but he is one.

He thinks it is "other reasons" that he drinks,etc.....that is his answer for stress, relaxation, fun, etc.,etc. He always had a "reason" and I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was wasted time. He thinks an alcoholic is a skid-row bum,so he could not be one.....

Glad you are here. It helps me so much to start to untangle my own thinking. Learning about alcoholism is very helpful and necessary, I think. Helping yourself is not abandoning him... You seem to have a good counselor who has told you the truth (some do not even know about alcoholism,so that is great yours does). Alanon hasd probably be suggested, which is a great idea.
May I suggest two books that helped me: "Under the Influence" by Milam and Ketcham and "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews (you can reads portions online for free at http://www.GettingThemSober.com ).

Stick around...keep posting! It is a process, so join in with us and I promise you will start to feel a little less confused and overwhelmed.

marriedithink

My husband - soon to be Ex is a functioning alcoholic. I personally think dealing with them is sometimes harder, not to lessen anyone else's problems or heart break. What I mean is, because there are so many things they can compare and say " I don't do this" My husband thinks because he's not falling down drunk everyday, he doesn't have a problem. I do. I guess the fact that we're now getting a divorce is the result of something else. Maybe not harder to deal with but certainly not any easier. I think at times it makes it alot easier for them to convince you that it is you and not the drinking.

Pick-a-name

Yes.....so familiar. My FIL (also a functioning A) said his son is just "a heavy drinker like most of the men in the their family"; he couldn't be an alcoholic "because...he hasn't been fired (self-employed) or arrested for beating me up!" Oh,dear.....

I agree; it is harder for them and for us to really see that alcoholism is THE problem; it is a shell-game for a long time. Peolpe who are passed out,not making it to work, have a string of DUI's,etc have a clearer picture than those who can sometimes keep functioning ,at least in the public-eye.
Especially coupled with the alcoholic's liklihood of blaming it on his spouse and or family. I bought into that for awhile.


Thanks for this topic; always helps me to here that these are not just my experiences alone.

dan1958

the blame seems to be part of the functioning alcoholic more so because being that work hasnt been a problem or at least to them and to the outside world they dont see the drinking as a problem Only the family or spouse are the ones crying about it. So they get valadation from people who dont see the problem?