aussiee

Here I am.. separated at long last from the torment of my partner, the AH in the picture, the SA, the DA..

But..

I miss him - its awful.

Last night I didn't sleep at all.. after tossing and turrning till about 3.30am, I got up and made coffee and sat the rest of the morning out...
till 6, when I had to get my son up for work.

Now its 11am and I am still awake! I need to sleep, but I don't feel like I can.

The pain I feel, from not having him around - missing him.. wanting him..

*sigh*

I just don't know whats going on inside of me any more!

0816

Yup, me too.

I'm feeling for you! My husband is gone, too. I made him leave as he was smashed the other day in front of my 2 kids (8 and 11) after a year and a half of sobriety. I miss him, too. My kids ask for him all the time. You're totally normal to miss him so much. It's what you're used to and he's a part of your daily life. Hell, I'd miss the living room furniture if that was gone, too (just trying to lighten the situation for you).

Hang in there and call someone who is a good listener. You're stronger than you think. Pray and know that others are feeling exactly as you are.

Best wishes for a good night's sleep! NO COFFEE TONIGHT!!!

0816

mazey

Oh, Aussie, it is lonesome w/out them, BUT it was lonesome w/ mine, even when he was home after work sober! I don't know if you were lonesome while he still was there? Can you build on the peace of no more trouble? Can you remind yourself of any negatives to give you any peace? Sharing w/ you.....

Pick-a-name

I miss mine,too............. (Wish I knew he missed me,also.) Still, it's not healthy for me, our kids. or him: the way things are.

Hope you get some sleep tonight..... Glad you are here; keep posting. I find it really helps me, and I hope you find it helps you some,too.

Cynay

Completely normal and I would have to add healthy.

There is no way (not that I have not been trying) to get through all that but to go through the emotions. I think about him all the time and spend many a sleepless night questioning the what ifs the trying to climb into his head.

The problem with all of it is, I will not know the whys of it.... and even if he could explain it Im not sure I would understand because my mind does not work like that. Try and keep busy, make sure you have a strong support and call on them (I get much worse when I isolate) Go to meetings and read read read....

There will come a time when it gets better.... I know its hard now, but in time you will heal I promise.

amber98

I'm so new to this whole grieving process. There's five stages and I can't seem to move forward to the next step. I think I rather feel anything but the anger. I so tired of hating!!!!

I do believe each day will get easier and easier, but you have to try and look forward...not behind you. Our time on this planet is so short. We can either waste it on things that will not change or we can live life and try and make something better for ourselves. You deserve the very best!!!! I'm a true believer in the saying..."when one door shuts another one opens".

Pick-a-name

Hi.I find the stages are not linear....I bounce back and forth. Sometimes I find the anger a nice relief...feels better than the grief (at least in the short term) but none of it is enjoyable. That is for sure. I also find that I have "layers"....like peeling an onion. I work thru some things...remember somethings or "see" it for the first time or in a different light and have to work thru a whole different layer. I guess it is getting better...I am learning more acceptance and learning how to "let go,let God" a lot better. It truly is a process. JMHO

Missy

remember how it was with him there? How did that work for you?
I'm not one to say but I see this in other posts. I am still hanging on to my AH for now.
Can you go to Al-anon and get some help? Find someone there to call and talk to. Uniquely, you do make more friendships and whose to know?

The way I live now,,, I think alone is better but I'm not there and dont know how I would really feel . Going home not afraid of what you walk into, the mess, drunk, restrictions of having your own friends seems ok in my book.
I wish you peace and serenity.
I say the serenity prayer every morning and throughout the day... it does help.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

So Confused

CYNAY:Look at that!!!!! I think you get that you will not ever be able to understand his mind set. Iknow it is a daily battle but from last week much progress!!! Hoping each day is better for you.

SC

Cynay

The sad part is I already know this..... it has not stopped me from trying.

So far this is a better week, trying to keep a tight shell around me so I dont crack again.

It will get better Im sure.... I just want it to be sooner rather then later.

So Confused

It weill be sweetie at this point it has to be
In mY thoughts
SC