Continued work on self care-worsening of adult child's addiction
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
Continued work on self care-worsening of adult child's addiction
Hi all,
Have not been on the site for about 2 years-except to read sometimes.
Have made progress since was last on for an extended time- many blessings to be grateful for-
* a supportive NA group for a while;
* some family relationships are better (others more thoroughly released in love and forgiveness for self);
* found work and now looking again-but it has been enough to make things better financially and to continue to adjust to changed lifestyle that is needed
* recovery work continues as codependent and hopefully, some growth-some see it and tell me which is a blessing
* heartbreak has dulled to an ache in the heart area and fewer days of full on grieving and suffering
* more honesty with self and working on things that increase sense of well-being more often for longer periods of time
* more able to feel gratitude for more things and perhaps process more of many years of pain through to acceptance
* supportive husband and a well enjoyed vacation after 13 years of none
* joy of having 3 grandchildren who we love and enjoy thoroughly
Our AD has gone downhill and has been living in the streets of SF now for several months doing what addicts who live in the streets do-although is attending a methadone clinic. After 20 years of 3 sequential addicts and 'thank you god', two who are living a good and hardworking life with children, health no longer allows me to see her as often (the recovery takes at least 5 days and makes husband crazy)-so husband goes and puts her on phone with me so I can tell her I love her.
Am grateful for greater peace-the feelings are no longer as intense, and have had some insights into my own stuff that help me in my own behaviors during crisis situations.
I do feel quite alone and isolated and am at a loss for what to do next-and so praying and leading a pretty vanilla life-which seems like the best thing for right now.
Still cleaning up from the financial crisis of 4 years ago-unpacking boxes and slow by slow 'letting go'.
I really hate this disease-and yet, I am walking-perhaps quite slowly and right now, with no ideas or dreams for a future beyond what to do today, and yet...there has been improvement in me.
Am very lonely and isolated, so will need to address...just unsure of what the next thing is-as not able to think too clearly and there are too many ideas on too many fronts going through mind.
Have not been on the site for about 2 years-except to read sometimes.
Have made progress since was last on for an extended time- many blessings to be grateful for-
* a supportive NA group for a while;
* some family relationships are better (others more thoroughly released in love and forgiveness for self);
* found work and now looking again-but it has been enough to make things better financially and to continue to adjust to changed lifestyle that is needed
* recovery work continues as codependent and hopefully, some growth-some see it and tell me which is a blessing
* heartbreak has dulled to an ache in the heart area and fewer days of full on grieving and suffering
* more honesty with self and working on things that increase sense of well-being more often for longer periods of time
* more able to feel gratitude for more things and perhaps process more of many years of pain through to acceptance
* supportive husband and a well enjoyed vacation after 13 years of none
* joy of having 3 grandchildren who we love and enjoy thoroughly
Our AD has gone downhill and has been living in the streets of SF now for several months doing what addicts who live in the streets do-although is attending a methadone clinic. After 20 years of 3 sequential addicts and 'thank you god', two who are living a good and hardworking life with children, health no longer allows me to see her as often (the recovery takes at least 5 days and makes husband crazy)-so husband goes and puts her on phone with me so I can tell her I love her.
Am grateful for greater peace-the feelings are no longer as intense, and have had some insights into my own stuff that help me in my own behaviors during crisis situations.
I do feel quite alone and isolated and am at a loss for what to do next-and so praying and leading a pretty vanilla life-which seems like the best thing for right now.
Still cleaning up from the financial crisis of 4 years ago-unpacking boxes and slow by slow 'letting go'.
I really hate this disease-and yet, I am walking-perhaps quite slowly and right now, with no ideas or dreams for a future beyond what to do today, and yet...there has been improvement in me.
Am very lonely and isolated, so will need to address...just unsure of what the next thing is-as not able to think too clearly and there are too many ideas on too many fronts going through mind.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
irisgardens: I just opened and read your share today...I haven't been at the forum much and so missed it way back when you posted.
Yours is a very hopeful, knowing, and realistic outlook, and you inspire. I've some parallels - do relate and know the struggle. Yet, going forward after all is said and done, having experienced the pain, disappointment, anxiety, etc., I do realize the trials bring about a greater awareness and grasp of the precious blessings I have been given.
I also do agree that peace can eventually be ours.
Wishing you and yours a joyous, peaceful, healthy and hopeful holiday season and new year.
Yours is a very hopeful, knowing, and realistic outlook, and you inspire. I've some parallels - do relate and know the struggle. Yet, going forward after all is said and done, having experienced the pain, disappointment, anxiety, etc., I do realize the trials bring about a greater awareness and grasp of the precious blessings I have been given.
I also do agree that peace can eventually be ours.
Wishing you and yours a joyous, peaceful, healthy and hopeful holiday season and new year.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
Thank you so much. Am struggling right now--it is part of the process for me...but really hate it when can't quite figure out what the next step is--praying, meditating, and all that have learned, but also just kind of tired.
Your posts really mean a lot-as an Adult Child-struggle with feeling invisible, and it is nice to know I am not.
Your posts really mean a lot-as an Adult Child-struggle with feeling invisible, and it is nice to know I am not.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
You are definitely seen, iris 
Maybe try to address some small part where you want to see progress? You say that you used to have a supportive NA group. Is it that there is no longer one where you live or that you haven't gone to a new group yet? Perhaps just take a few minutes and research what may be nearby and when. Maybe, you will meet some new IRL friends, too, and not feel so isolated.
Sending prayers!
S
Maybe try to address some small part where you want to see progress? You say that you used to have a supportive NA group. Is it that there is no longer one where you live or that you haven't gone to a new group yet? Perhaps just take a few minutes and research what may be nearby and when. Maybe, you will meet some new IRL friends, too, and not feel so isolated.
Sending prayers!
S
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 167
Iris, been awhile but know how you feel especially about the isolation even though I come here and have meetings SR has always been the safe for reading and knowing not alone in this disease of addiction. Prayers for you and your family Always !
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
took a couple of steps yesterday-met with a friend for coffee (a blessed time-although she, too, has a long term adult child addict who went through a very bad time in the last 4 months-so even more as we didn't dwell on the topic other than to exchange news), and also reached out to old naranon group-going to try to go next Thursday-really dislike groups (tend to take on feelings of others), but this one was small and good people-now, to do it.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I think those are both wonderful things, iris! I get what you mean about taking on the feelings of others. I used to be the queen of that--especially when married to my ex-husband. His moods ruled the home.
Good luck at the Nar-Anon meeting! I hope that it will be something very good for you!
Good luck at the Nar-Anon meeting! I hope that it will be something very good for you!
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