Don't know what to do anymore.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 1
Don't know what to do anymore.
I'm writing this at 230 in the morning because I can't even sleep.
I met my boyfriend back when I was 18 (I'm 33 now). We parted ways and ran into each other again last October. He never wanted to come over or hang out, but I didn't think too much of it. Finally, he invited me over one night. He was drunk when I got there, but I didn't have a red flag. Since then, he basically spent every waking minute at my house and we were inseparable. I obviously realized not long after we started hanging out that he had a drinking problem.
He confessed one night that he had written some girls on Facebook (like his ex and some others) and I was crushed. He wrote them very sexual messages and admitted it, saying he felt guilty and had to let me know, which was nice because I felt he made a mistake but was honest. Then it happened again. Just sickening.
Eventually he checked himself into teen challenge, and I visited him every visiting slot and supported him, stayed positive and faithful. He became very jealous when he was in there, and even scolded me if I opened up about having a few beers with friends. He ended up leaving after 26 days and moved in with me because he had given up his apartment for treatment.
What did he do the minute he left TC? Went to the liquor store and then his friends house (who is probably a bigger alcoholic). He messaged me to let me know he was out, and then I didn't hear from him for 8 hours! Wtf. I told him if he was going to be staying here, there would be no drinking. Ha, yeah right.
He drinks every day. He will drink while I'm at work and go harass my neighbors while I'm gone. He gets so drunk that he throws my stuff around my backyard and has broken my things. The other night he poured syrup all over my floors. He flirts with girls in front of me. He carelessly breaks stuff from stumbling around. And then he got a job again-at a bar.
My anxiety level is so high. He's so nice after a few drinks, then at a certain point he just TURNS. He turns into an evil demon, telling me no one would want me because I'm so fat. I'm the worst parent he's ever seen and he feels sorry for my son. He calls my son a brat (to me) and picks me apart. He's called me the meanest fat names. So mean.
What do I do?! He came home tonight and started in on me. He is not affectionate anymore and I cried when I told him it affects me. He literally stood there and laughed at me. I have researched a lot and I'm pretty sure he is narcissistic. I told him tonight I was going to attend an al-anon meeting and he was pissed and called me a hypocrite.
Help!!! What should I do? I have kicked him out before but he just sits and sleeps on my deck and won't leave. I do love him, but where is rock bottom? When will it end?!?!
Any advice?
I met my boyfriend back when I was 18 (I'm 33 now). We parted ways and ran into each other again last October. He never wanted to come over or hang out, but I didn't think too much of it. Finally, he invited me over one night. He was drunk when I got there, but I didn't have a red flag. Since then, he basically spent every waking minute at my house and we were inseparable. I obviously realized not long after we started hanging out that he had a drinking problem.
He confessed one night that he had written some girls on Facebook (like his ex and some others) and I was crushed. He wrote them very sexual messages and admitted it, saying he felt guilty and had to let me know, which was nice because I felt he made a mistake but was honest. Then it happened again. Just sickening.
Eventually he checked himself into teen challenge, and I visited him every visiting slot and supported him, stayed positive and faithful. He became very jealous when he was in there, and even scolded me if I opened up about having a few beers with friends. He ended up leaving after 26 days and moved in with me because he had given up his apartment for treatment.
What did he do the minute he left TC? Went to the liquor store and then his friends house (who is probably a bigger alcoholic). He messaged me to let me know he was out, and then I didn't hear from him for 8 hours! Wtf. I told him if he was going to be staying here, there would be no drinking. Ha, yeah right.
He drinks every day. He will drink while I'm at work and go harass my neighbors while I'm gone. He gets so drunk that he throws my stuff around my backyard and has broken my things. The other night he poured syrup all over my floors. He flirts with girls in front of me. He carelessly breaks stuff from stumbling around. And then he got a job again-at a bar.
My anxiety level is so high. He's so nice after a few drinks, then at a certain point he just TURNS. He turns into an evil demon, telling me no one would want me because I'm so fat. I'm the worst parent he's ever seen and he feels sorry for my son. He calls my son a brat (to me) and picks me apart. He's called me the meanest fat names. So mean.
What do I do?! He came home tonight and started in on me. He is not affectionate anymore and I cried when I told him it affects me. He literally stood there and laughed at me. I have researched a lot and I'm pretty sure he is narcissistic. I told him tonight I was going to attend an al-anon meeting and he was pissed and called me a hypocrite.
Help!!! What should I do? I have kicked him out before but he just sits and sleeps on my deck and won't leave. I do love him, but where is rock bottom? When will it end?!?!
Any advice?
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Mamasparks, Welcome to SR! Although we are sorry you needed to find us, we are glad you are here.
One very simple rule about addiction...we can't make the addict get better. It is an inside job. There has never been any amount of pleading, begging, threats, or logical arguments that changed the behavior of any of my addicted loved ones.
His behavior is not in your power to change...but you can change your own behavior and choices.
I have one question for you: Is it OK with you for someone to be so verbally abusive to you? Because that what he is doing by calling you names and tearing you down. It is verbal and mental abuse. And I am so, so sorry you have been living with that. You do not deserve it. No one does.
I will never advise someone to leave or stay in a relationship. I will just ask you one question: Where is YOUR rock bottom?
Sending many hugs your way!
One very simple rule about addiction...we can't make the addict get better. It is an inside job. There has never been any amount of pleading, begging, threats, or logical arguments that changed the behavior of any of my addicted loved ones.
His behavior is not in your power to change...but you can change your own behavior and choices.
I have one question for you: Is it OK with you for someone to be so verbally abusive to you? Because that what he is doing by calling you names and tearing you down. It is verbal and mental abuse. And I am so, so sorry you have been living with that. You do not deserve it. No one does.
I will never advise someone to leave or stay in a relationship. I will just ask you one question: Where is YOUR rock bottom?
Sending many hugs your way!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Truly what would I do?
I would change my locks if that was me.
Let him sleep on your deck until he realises you will not let him in.
Then he can see if anyone else will put up with his poor behaviour.
You deserve better.
Your son deserves much better.
I wish you the best
I would change my locks if that was me.
Let him sleep on your deck until he realises you will not let him in.
Then he can see if anyone else will put up with his poor behaviour.
You deserve better.
Your son deserves much better.
I wish you the best
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Mama,
Good for reaching out and looking for support. I would definitely reach out for support from alanon, as you are as sick as the addict. Our addicts groom us to accept unacceptable behavior. He is disrespecting you and your home. This should not be tolerated.
I agree with sasha, you can change the locks and tell him he is not wanted at your home. If he comes call the police. He is an addict and his behavior is scary, you never know what an addict will do.
When I was in my 34 year haze of being married to an addict, I never slept. My life was so out of control, I had no idea If I was coming or going. You need to step back and take some deep breaths. His behavior is very typical, but at some point you cant accept his abusive behavior anymore.
Please hit many alanon meetings. I was going to 4 a week during my divorce. Educate yourself about addiction. Read the stickies up top. Empower yourself to get your voice back. If he comes to your decktop again call the cops. He is not only bothering you but your neighbors.
You can do this, no one deserves to live the way you have been living with this abusive drunk. Stick around mama there is a lot of support and help here. Keep posting my friend!! Sending you hugs my friend, there is hope for all of us!!!
Good for reaching out and looking for support. I would definitely reach out for support from alanon, as you are as sick as the addict. Our addicts groom us to accept unacceptable behavior. He is disrespecting you and your home. This should not be tolerated.
I agree with sasha, you can change the locks and tell him he is not wanted at your home. If he comes call the police. He is an addict and his behavior is scary, you never know what an addict will do.
When I was in my 34 year haze of being married to an addict, I never slept. My life was so out of control, I had no idea If I was coming or going. You need to step back and take some deep breaths. His behavior is very typical, but at some point you cant accept his abusive behavior anymore.
Please hit many alanon meetings. I was going to 4 a week during my divorce. Educate yourself about addiction. Read the stickies up top. Empower yourself to get your voice back. If he comes to your decktop again call the cops. He is not only bothering you but your neighbors.
You can do this, no one deserves to live the way you have been living with this abusive drunk. Stick around mama there is a lot of support and help here. Keep posting my friend!! Sending you hugs my friend, there is hope for all of us!!!
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