sadsister62

Mom passed away Friday afternoon after a short but intense 2 days in the hospital. Got the call Thurs am to come up and get AS from her sober-living home. Picked her up from her new job and we drove to hospital. It was fine alone with her, she talked about her AA groups, how much she liked them, ect...Mom was rapidly losing ground, maybe 2 lucid moments before she passed, had a bad patch where we all prayed for her release, but calmed down and at that point, I thought that she could hang on for a day or 2. Death came painlessly and quickly, she was surrounded by much love. Anyway, AS called her home and said she would be coming back soon, had to go back to Dad's house to pick up more clothes. I thought that was a bad idea, her director had said that any home time would be a trigger for her. AS said that if I had packed better for her in the 1st place, she wouldn't have to go back to which I replied that I thought I had done a pretty good job and tthings escalated from there, I was her whipping boy, and I left the hospital room with hurt feelings, drove to Dad's to have some alone time while the rest of family waited for funeral home to collect Mom. I realized that AS has no other coping skills but to lash out, and I am her easiest target. I know she is grieving, too, she just lost the only person who put up with her crap. So, the family comes back home, AS goes down to her room to pack and then Dad says he wants her to stay, Dad SCREAMS he wants her to stay. Sober sibs decide that this is NOT IN HER BEST INTEREST and she needs to go back. Dad just doesn't get it. Had him talk on phone to AS' director,and he relented and drove her the 2 hours back. Couldn't find Mom's wedding ring for wake, dumped vacumm bag, finally got ahold of AS and shesaid she had it at re-hab with her for safekeeping!?!?! Dad so angry and combative, picking fights with even his favorite child. I understand, but he is MEAN, I left to come home and decompress for a few days before the wake and funeral, was offered rooms at a bnb run by friends of family, sober sis said to take all rooms as she is not staying with Dad, either. He has a sister of his staying at house, she is an a-anon person from way back. I think he is better offnot being around his own kids right now, don't need him to drive us away now. My big concern is that I've known he is an alcoholic for a long time, once he has his evening cocktail, he can't stop, and now he has no one to curb him since Mom passed. YIKE! Just want to get thru this week and spend some time at my own home getting my own heal on. Thanks for the ear, friends, just good to put it into words, my therapist comes back from maternity leave in 3 weeks! Can't wait to see her!

sadsister62

Yeah, so everyone is like catering to make AS part of plans and all, but I feel that since she took her time and waited the 2 1/2 years to make good her promises to Mom, and waited the week before Mom's passing, that taking responsibiilty and suffering the consequences is part of her recovery, or maybe I am just feeling angry at her.

Morning Glory

I'm so sorry about your mom sadsister.

You have good reasons to be angry at your sister. Would you be able
to take a step back now and let the rest of the family handle the issues with
your sister if that's what they want to do?

sadsister62

that is exactly what I plan on doing! Thanks MG, I plan on focusing on my own and AS' grown children, who were more like children to my Mom. They need support that AS cannot give them at this point, sober sister is better at dealing with AS, anyway.

Ilovemysonjj

Dear Sister, very sorry for your loss. It is so difficult to lose a parent, I became an orphan at 48 years old! I hope you find a way to get through this trying time and it sounds like you understand the reason Dad and AS are lashing out. I find it very troublesome to hear your AS had Mom's wedding ring, but at least she fessed up that she had it! Hang in there
Hugs,
Teresa

greeteachday

I'm very sorry for your loss. it sounds like a good idea to let someone else handle things for awhile and allow yourself some healing time. Very healthy approach for a very stressful time!