CalGal

My fiance has been sober for 5 months. He is currently working on the 4th step. He tells me that he doesn't trust his sponsor enough to share this with. He wants to change but is unsure about how to go about it--I said--just talk to his sponsor and then do it--I am concerned that dwelling on this for as long as he has is going to send him back to drinking. (both working on the 4th step and stressing out about how to get another sponsor) I thought perhaps someone here could offer some advice about how to go about it.

losttofreedom

I just changed my sponsor last week. My first sponsor had become a good friend, not such a great sponsor. My reason was different from your man's though. My sponsor was too easy on me, always agreeing with me, never calling me on my ****. In the past, when I tried recovery to comply with court directions, not because I wanted it, she would have been great. I need someone I can't manipulate, but also someone I feel comfortable telling everything to, which I didn't with her.
I stressed for over a week about how she would react, what I would say, what she would think, etc. I was really surprised when she was totally accepting and understanding. She told me she only wanted me to do what was best for me and what would keep me clean/sober. Unless his sponsor is totally ego-based, he should have no problem with it.
When I start worrying about what someone else is going to think about something I do or did I remind myself that it's not my business what someone else think of me, that's their problem. I'm just trying to save my life.
I encourage your man to do what is best for his sobriety.
Good luck!
losttofreedom

pedagogue

I would suggest finding a replacement sponsor BEFORE cutting ties with the first (in the sponsorship role). He can still keep that relationship/friendship, but it is important that he doesn't have a gap in support.

-pedagogue

CalGal

Thank you for your help. I'll share this information with him. His sponsor is very strict--makes him more disciplined which I think he needs. There never seems to be a lot of understanding on his part--but I trust he knows how to handle him in the best way. It's hard watching from the sidelines though--

Thanks again--and take care.