Son's Gf DID drive me crazy!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Vancouver, B.C. Canada
Posts: 0
Son's Gf DID drive me crazy!
Hi everyone,
Well, I just knew it was coming...
Early last week, she stepped right over my boundaries.
My son was over helping with the yardwork...as I told him that I wouldn't be dishing out money. He was short on rent after all.
Anyways, while he was here...she was phoning constantly from her mother's place. They got into an argument which I found out later what it was about. That is another story which I will get back to.
Well, S said he had enough and was not going to answer the phone and get the work done. The phone rang constantly and I did not answer. He worked until dinner time and then left. Meanwhile, gf spent the night at her mom's and continued phoning my place until 1:30am. I did not answer the phone.
Next morning, she comes banging on the door...acting very emotional and rude. She demanded her medication which I picked up for her as a favor. I gave it to her and slammed the door in her face. She bangs on the door again! She asked where S was and I didn't know and she called me a liar. She thought I was hiding him or something! She was trying to strigger me about maybe S is using. I slammed the door on her face, again! She bangs on the door again! And she was screaming about me giving her rent money back. I was outraged...the deal was that I hold all the rent money and I would only cover the part that S was short and he was to work for it. Of course, I did not give it to her.
She phoned again screaming about the money. And I told her that she had better watch what she says to me and not to phone me until she talked to me like a human being.
As it turned out...she made that last phone call at home and S was sleeping in the bedroom. She was so upset that when she arrived home...she didn't notice a lump in the bed! He heard the whole thing....this time she can not lie to him about what she said to me! LOL!
I told S that I did not want her coming over to the house anymore and that I didn't want her phoning my number...that I have had enough of her. This is old behaviour, the phone abuse and nasty phone messages and I am not about to go backwards with her. I told S that if he didn't think I was serious to tell her that I will not allow her in my car either! That is serious and they both know I am good for that one from past experience. Anyways, my hubby didn't know what I told S about the phone and he told S that she could phone here once if he is over and it was up to him to phone her back or not. So, I said there you go S..I said never and hubby says one time is okay... you pick which one it will be.
Long story, eh!
So, this week S has been over to continue the yard work. Plus, we made a huge batch of spaghetti sauce which was a nice bonus because we work well in the kitchen together and he does all the cleaning up, too! Lots has gotten done without GF!
Anyways, I am now feeling sorry for S...he is in a real spot. Once again in the middle! I know that I can't do this forever...with a baby coming but I am so fed up with her. I am so tired of dealing with TWO addictive behaviours. And we love our family dinners together,too. A few times, I felt bad that she was waiting in the car while S came in. Everytime, I give her another chance...she stretches it. My son has tried to tell me that she wants to apolize and I said that I don't want it. He tries to tell me that she is feeling so bad about how she treated me BUT blames it on her pregnancy! I told S that is bull...she was doing that phone thing and involving me in their spats a year ago then she was not pregnant! When, he tried to talk about her...I say that I don't want to hear about it. Guess you can tell that I am mad! Okay, I know that I can't ignore her and go into denial because I am trying to work my steps...but can't this be an exception...lol! Okay, then what next?
Always,
Linda
Well, I just knew it was coming...
Early last week, she stepped right over my boundaries.
My son was over helping with the yardwork...as I told him that I wouldn't be dishing out money. He was short on rent after all.
Anyways, while he was here...she was phoning constantly from her mother's place. They got into an argument which I found out later what it was about. That is another story which I will get back to.
Well, S said he had enough and was not going to answer the phone and get the work done. The phone rang constantly and I did not answer. He worked until dinner time and then left. Meanwhile, gf spent the night at her mom's and continued phoning my place until 1:30am. I did not answer the phone.
Next morning, she comes banging on the door...acting very emotional and rude. She demanded her medication which I picked up for her as a favor. I gave it to her and slammed the door in her face. She bangs on the door again! She asked where S was and I didn't know and she called me a liar. She thought I was hiding him or something! She was trying to strigger me about maybe S is using. I slammed the door on her face, again! She bangs on the door again! And she was screaming about me giving her rent money back. I was outraged...the deal was that I hold all the rent money and I would only cover the part that S was short and he was to work for it. Of course, I did not give it to her.
She phoned again screaming about the money. And I told her that she had better watch what she says to me and not to phone me until she talked to me like a human being.
As it turned out...she made that last phone call at home and S was sleeping in the bedroom. She was so upset that when she arrived home...she didn't notice a lump in the bed! He heard the whole thing....this time she can not lie to him about what she said to me! LOL!
I told S that I did not want her coming over to the house anymore and that I didn't want her phoning my number...that I have had enough of her. This is old behaviour, the phone abuse and nasty phone messages and I am not about to go backwards with her. I told S that if he didn't think I was serious to tell her that I will not allow her in my car either! That is serious and they both know I am good for that one from past experience. Anyways, my hubby didn't know what I told S about the phone and he told S that she could phone here once if he is over and it was up to him to phone her back or not. So, I said there you go S..I said never and hubby says one time is okay... you pick which one it will be.
Long story, eh!
So, this week S has been over to continue the yard work. Plus, we made a huge batch of spaghetti sauce which was a nice bonus because we work well in the kitchen together and he does all the cleaning up, too! Lots has gotten done without GF!
Anyways, I am now feeling sorry for S...he is in a real spot. Once again in the middle! I know that I can't do this forever...with a baby coming but I am so fed up with her. I am so tired of dealing with TWO addictive behaviours. And we love our family dinners together,too. A few times, I felt bad that she was waiting in the car while S came in. Everytime, I give her another chance...she stretches it. My son has tried to tell me that she wants to apolize and I said that I don't want it. He tries to tell me that she is feeling so bad about how she treated me BUT blames it on her pregnancy! I told S that is bull...she was doing that phone thing and involving me in their spats a year ago then she was not pregnant! When, he tried to talk about her...I say that I don't want to hear about it. Guess you can tell that I am mad! Okay, I know that I can't ignore her and go into denial because I am trying to work my steps...but can't this be an exception...lol! Okay, then what next?
Always,
Linda
Last edited by parent; 07-07-2003 at 08:51 PM.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Linda
It sounds like she is the one out of control here, and people are responsible for their actions, pregnant or not.
I think you handled everything just fine. It is sad for your son because he is in the middle, but he has choices too and can set his own boundaries.
This is only a suggestion, and you would know better than me if it would help, but what about talking to her and telling her that she is only allowed in your car/house/presence when she is respectful and behaving well. Anything less than that is instant removal. And perhaps, because the phone calls are totally out of line, you could tell her not to call anymore.
Or, if you would feel better, just have nothing to do with her. It's your boundary and you don't have to be exposed to anyone that you don't want to.
Sending hugs.
It sounds like she is the one out of control here, and people are responsible for their actions, pregnant or not.
I think you handled everything just fine. It is sad for your son because he is in the middle, but he has choices too and can set his own boundaries.
This is only a suggestion, and you would know better than me if it would help, but what about talking to her and telling her that she is only allowed in your car/house/presence when she is respectful and behaving well. Anything less than that is instant removal. And perhaps, because the phone calls are totally out of line, you could tell her not to call anymore.
Or, if you would feel better, just have nothing to do with her. It's your boundary and you don't have to be exposed to anyone that you don't want to.
Sending hugs.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Vancouver, B.C. Canada
Posts: 0
Hi Ann,
Thank you so much for replying to my post! I was checking the site all night long waiting for someone to responsed... feeling so alone.
I like your idea about the repect and good behaviour. The instant removal is great! I can carry through that consequence easily.
There are other issues that annoy me when she is over. She decides to tell S what they are out of when they are over here. Such as, when she comes out of the bathroom and announces to S that they are out of shampo and rinse. Or when S opens the fridge for a drink, she announces to S that they are out of butter. That way she can say that she never asked for anything if she is called on it. I have told S that she uses and abuses him and in turn he uses and abuses me. This should fall under the respect and good behaviour...right?
She will constantly interrupting when he is working. Even before the shortage of rent money...he offered to help around the house. I tried to get her help rack some leaves and that was such an unbelievable episode to get it done. Finally, S said to her try putting the leaves and branches in the bag. He got her a chair and put all the branches at arms reach for her. Something about her tummy hurting. Other times, she just sits watches tv, eats and uses the phone while hubby, S and I are working.
This week while S was here working, he even mentioned that he felt good about being here alone. That the break from her was good and it isn't good that they are with each other 24/7. So, I think I will keep workdays without her because I feel the same way. Even though, I also feel she should be contributing.
Yesterday, S got a small cheque and I knew the fifty/fifty split was out the window. But I asked him what he was going to give me. We agreed on $10. He was going to come to the house and do some more work and drop off the money. He phoned early in the evening and said that he just finished the stuff he needed to get done and was heading to his place and could he come over another day to do yardwork AND he had the $10. He offered to bring it over the next day or that I pick it up tonight. I told him that I super super appreciated the call and would be over to pick up my money later this evening! Wasn't going to let MY $10 get away from me! All went well.
Oh, yesterday I invited S to go to a NA meeting with me, tonight. I told him that there is an NA meeting and NARANON meeting at the same time in the same building. He was very responsive about the idea. I told him that I know that he sees some value in these meetings but GF doesn't which he know is true. He asked which one I went to and when I told him..he said OH, you go to the ritzy one. I say...yes, nothing but the best for me! I hope he will come. It will be nice if we could do this once a week. He goes to one on one counselling and programs but stopped going to NA meetings.
Always,
Linda
Thank you so much for replying to my post! I was checking the site all night long waiting for someone to responsed... feeling so alone.
I like your idea about the repect and good behaviour. The instant removal is great! I can carry through that consequence easily.
There are other issues that annoy me when she is over. She decides to tell S what they are out of when they are over here. Such as, when she comes out of the bathroom and announces to S that they are out of shampo and rinse. Or when S opens the fridge for a drink, she announces to S that they are out of butter. That way she can say that she never asked for anything if she is called on it. I have told S that she uses and abuses him and in turn he uses and abuses me. This should fall under the respect and good behaviour...right?
She will constantly interrupting when he is working. Even before the shortage of rent money...he offered to help around the house. I tried to get her help rack some leaves and that was such an unbelievable episode to get it done. Finally, S said to her try putting the leaves and branches in the bag. He got her a chair and put all the branches at arms reach for her. Something about her tummy hurting. Other times, she just sits watches tv, eats and uses the phone while hubby, S and I are working.
This week while S was here working, he even mentioned that he felt good about being here alone. That the break from her was good and it isn't good that they are with each other 24/7. So, I think I will keep workdays without her because I feel the same way. Even though, I also feel she should be contributing.
Yesterday, S got a small cheque and I knew the fifty/fifty split was out the window. But I asked him what he was going to give me. We agreed on $10. He was going to come to the house and do some more work and drop off the money. He phoned early in the evening and said that he just finished the stuff he needed to get done and was heading to his place and could he come over another day to do yardwork AND he had the $10. He offered to bring it over the next day or that I pick it up tonight. I told him that I super super appreciated the call and would be over to pick up my money later this evening! Wasn't going to let MY $10 get away from me! All went well.
Oh, yesterday I invited S to go to a NA meeting with me, tonight. I told him that there is an NA meeting and NARANON meeting at the same time in the same building. He was very responsive about the idea. I told him that I know that he sees some value in these meetings but GF doesn't which he know is true. He asked which one I went to and when I told him..he said OH, you go to the ritzy one. I say...yes, nothing but the best for me! I hope he will come. It will be nice if we could do this once a week. He goes to one on one counselling and programs but stopped going to NA meetings.
Always,
Linda
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Vancouver, B.C. Canada
Posts: 0
Hi Again Ann,
It is so nice about your son! It is a wonderful opportunity for your son to be in the position to help his son...a bonus! I, too, believe it was meant to be...
Always,
Linda
It is so nice about your son! It is a wonderful opportunity for your son to be in the position to help his son...a bonus! I, too, believe it was meant to be...
Always,
Linda
Last edited by parent; 07-08-2003 at 12:43 PM.
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