father in law update and your opinions please
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 495
father in law update and your opinions please
Well, my father in law is doing really good now. He was the one who kept threatening suicide, etc and in/out of hospitals, etc. He has a really good sponsor. His mother paid his rent and now he has moved out and lives with her, she's about 87 years old. She paid his car payments. He's still out of work. He is working with a sponsor and goes to several AA meetings a day. He had several people from his mother's church help him move out of the apt and he put his stuff in a barn stall at teh home of his sponsor.
I'm glad to hear he is doing better, but I also think maybe his mother should not have paid off his stuff, like his rent/car, etc. He really doesn't have to feel the consequences of his actions, but she has dementia and really doesn't understand things. You tell her something and then five minues later you are repeating it, get the picture...
He said he will wait to go back to work until his sponsor says it is okay to do so. I know the sponsors are there to help you, but to guide you this closely, wonder if it is normal, etc.
He seems really happy and you know I wonder if it is normal with all the stuff that has happened. His lady friend is keeping her distance and trying to develop her own life, which is good. I don't think he is well enough to have a relationship of that sort now.
I'm glad to hear he is doing better, but I also think maybe his mother should not have paid off his stuff, like his rent/car, etc. He really doesn't have to feel the consequences of his actions, but she has dementia and really doesn't understand things. You tell her something and then five minues later you are repeating it, get the picture...
He said he will wait to go back to work until his sponsor says it is okay to do so. I know the sponsors are there to help you, but to guide you this closely, wonder if it is normal, etc.
He seems really happy and you know I wonder if it is normal with all the stuff that has happened. His lady friend is keeping her distance and trying to develop her own life, which is good. I don't think he is well enough to have a relationship of that sort now.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
meli, that's great he's doing really well. It may not be that his sponsor is guiding him so closely as that your FIL has the need right now to be guided. From what you say, it looks pretty good.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,358
Sounds reasonable to me. I'm sure the job will come along soon enough for him when the time is right.
As far as her paying off his bills, well.....what's done is done. I'm sure she's struggling with the daily strife of having the illness that she has, and at her age (God bless her) it's probably a blessing to her that he is there. She helped him, now he's helping her (I hope)!!! I don't think there's any point to discussing enabling and consequences...she's got far more important issues to contend with for herself.
As far as her paying off his bills, well.....what's done is done. I'm sure she's struggling with the daily strife of having the illness that she has, and at her age (God bless her) it's probably a blessing to her that he is there. She helped him, now he's helping her (I hope)!!! I don't think there's any point to discussing enabling and consequences...she's got far more important issues to contend with for herself.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
Look at the positives, they are real. It is good news because a sober time is worth so much - for his mother even if she is going a little dotty and for all those who care. Sober time is worth it in it's own right, it's real day by day no matter what the future holds.
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