colinf

Hi everyone im new here.Just like to tell my story.

From an early age alcohol was a big part of family life.My dad although never classed himself as an "alcoholic" would drink anything upto 20 pints a day.as a family we spent a lot of time in the pubs as my dad owned his own lorry firm and lots of drunk after work.he never had hangovers or used hair of the dog and when he finally cut right down seemed to have no problems and now drinks moderately and can take or leave it(lucky him)

I started drinking at an early age as you may expect being round pubs i got the taste for highs and moving through shcool i fell in to the wrong crowd beginning with pot the experimenting with speed,lsd,mushrooms extacy and the odd bit of coke.i thought it was so much fun partying and getting high but then it happened bang mental illnes kicked in.Panic attacks,paranoia ect.

Thats when things went down hill.uppers had done the damage to my brain and now i needed downers to mask the illness.Benzos,herion,methadone,sleepers and alcohol all gave me relief from my illness and a false sense of courage.Years of addiction later my parents sent me to detox from the opiates and valium which i conquard.After the detox i said to myself i'll just use a bit of alcohol to ease the muscle pains and anxiety that follows the weeks after.

This is when things got bad.I ended up drinking a litre of vodka a day and before i new it that had taken over from the herion ect.This only took two months of solid drinking thats all it can take but i had DTs and needed medical intervention.maybe it happend so quick because my body was so used to central nervous system deppresent which alcohol is.3 weeks in detox and all seemed fine for a few months.

I then started to convince myself and my family that because i hadnt drunk for years like other alcoholics that id be able to control drinking now.How wrong i was.it took a few days and i was back hiding drinks under the bed lying all the stuff your all familiar with.Anyway im on antabuse now and using a small amount of librium(doctor precribed reduction) for 7 days to get through the withdrawel part and this is day 3 and im feeling confident in myself.

I know now that i must never pick up that first drink ever again which is a painful thought at the moment but this time im gonna change my life not just quit and try and bury what i am under the carpet.im going to my first aa meeting thursday and ive purchased a years membership with the local gym.im going to try and find some local clubs and maybe do some volunteer work of some kind.

Anyway thanks for listening and i hope i can get support from here if i need a shoulder to cry on.My family are great and have stuck by all these years thank God.

This time will be different

Luckyv2

Welcome Colinf glad that you have found us. Day 3 is huge, sometimes just today is huge huh? Glad that you are here, there is a huge amount of information here, and a lot of fun also. Just wanted to say hi and hope to get to know you more.

Love Vic

colinf

thanks lucky ive done alot of reading here and there seems a lot of wonderful caring people.im glad there are safe havens out there for people like us to share and hold each other up when time are hard.Its going to be a long journey but im sure ill make it this time.

love cols

Luckyv2

One thing about it all we have to do is go through the day we are in for the journey. All of us can do it Just For Today. Yep life is good clean that is for sure. Do you go to meetings? I was going to one a day, until I started a new group a week ago, now I do three a day. Yep it helps it really does. Keep posting good to see ya here.

Love Vic

If you ever need to talk I am usually around, if not just email me and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

Kellye C

Hi Collin and welcome! Thank you for taking the time to introduce yourself and share about how you got here and what you've learned along the way.

I'm an alcoholic and it didn't take long for it to kick my *ss either. I always thought of alkies as those on the street corners or those who had been drinking for years and years. I always thought that they were the daily drinkers only. I have come to find out through firsthand experience that you don't have to drink for years and years to be an alcoholic and through sharing in meetings that not all alcoholics drank the way I did (daily) but were binge drinkers and have just as much of a problem. I've received quite an education about myself and about this disease in the past 2 years due to AA.

As Vic said, all we have to stay sober for is 1 day, TODAY. Tomorrow is not here yet so we concern ourselves with just this day. If you just don't drink today then you have just as much sobriety as the person who hasn't drank in a BUNCH of yesterdays.

I hope you find a meeting you like and things to fill your time that you are enjoy and are worthwhile. I had to find a substitute for all the time I spent drinking and lots of meetings fit that bill very nicely. It was there that I learned that you can indeed have fun (more fun than you can imagine) without drinking.

I hope to see you post on here lots more as you share your journey with us!

Hugs,
Kellye

colinf

hi lucky im going to my first open aa meeting this thursday.im nervous of course but my best freind or mum is gonna take the day off to come with me untill i feel comfartable on my own.it doesnt help with my illness being that i strugle with eye contact and get nervous round strangers but the more i do the more confidence ill get without the evil spirit(vodka) giving me falseness.i need to work on my own true spirit to give me that confidence.Just looking forward to these shakes going i feel like idiot when i try to eat or drink and spill my water evrywhere.lol

Kellye C

I know this was addressed to Vic but I wanted to tell you that my mom took me to my first meeting too. I was shaking, puking etc and in no shape to drive so she went with me. You will find once you get in there that they have been where you are and totally understand the shaking and stuff. It sucks doesn't it? BUT it does pass! And when it does it is such a great feeling. It is remembering that shaking feeling that helps me at times when I get a thought of a drink. I got through that time telling myself that I never had to do it again if I didn't CHOOSE to. Today I don't choose to go through that hell again.

Hang in there, it will get better!
Kellye

colinf

hi kelly yes it was shocking how quick it got me.after all the other hard drugs i didnt have a clue that alcohol was as bad probably worse,sure i knew about the health issues but addiction wasnt a concideration untill years ahead.How wrong huh.im quite excited about going to aa,just hope i dont get panicky.i will keep posting and hope to help others along the way.a problem shared a problem halfed.im going out for diet cokes today as i havent been out the house yet im back at my parents until the first couple of weeks are over.my dad will be drinking but i cant expect him to not enjoy a pint,and i have to face the fact im gonna see it on tv in magazines so im just getting it in my head that when i look at i see a bootle of rat poison or something.im on antabuse at the moment so its impossible for me to drink even if i wanted to.

love cols

colinf

im actually feeling quite high at the the moment like ive got a new sense of freedom but ive read this is normal and to expect a crash after a few weeks but im ready for it

Kellye C

You can do it, I know you can. It is hard especially early on to see others drinking and knowing that you can't (well, you COULD if you wanted to go back to hell - that's how I think of my time in active addiction). The rat poison analogy works. Mine is a tad different. I think of it this way. For me, to drink is to die so for me to drink alcohol I might as well be drinking Clorox bleach. I get a mental picture of pouring a glass of bleach and drinking THAT and quickly lose the taste for it as you can imagine.

It is very normal to be nervous at your meetings in the beginning but if you hang in there, keep going and start to talk to people, you will probably find yourself actually looking forward to them. In my home group, it is like a second family and when I miss for a few days I actually MISS them LOL! My group is very blue collar in nature and we're known as the "outlaw" group which is a joke because we're not that way. Some are rough around the edges but when you get past that exterior and get to know the interior they are wonderful people. I remember sitting there scared witless by some of them and now they are my closest friends. Try to go in there thinking of it not as a room of strangers but a group of friends you just haven't met yet!

Hugs,
Kellye

colinf

yeah im hoping to make freinds there as i only have a couple which is quite sad at my age.being a nervous person makes meeting freinds more dificult than mormal people but thats one of the things i hope it achieves as well as helps me with my sobriety.hope this place will be a big help when im lonely and that you all will become good freinds as i get to no you more.this board is a godsend.

anyway im off for the diet cokes in a while ill let you no how to experience goes when i come back

Sobriety1st

Hi Colin, and welcome to SR..My name is Tonya and I am an alcoholic/addict..I hope that all goes well at your meetings..This statement you made got my attention because of the same reason that you said it..My family always said it.."if you can quit smoking Crack, why in the H*** can't you stop drinking?" Wow, that is powerful and to me, i had no clue, other than what i am learning now..alcohol is powerful, cunning and baffling..and so are drugs, but that alcohol i just couldn't shake off..i quit drugs almost 7 yrs. ago, but the alcohol hung on for dear life, almost took mine several times..It was when i done the unthinkable that i dropped to my knees and asked my GOD to step in and take over..that was almost 5 months ago..even then i got comfortable, and slipped up for a day..learned from it, and here i am with almost 80 days without a drop of alcohol..Kelly and Vic are right, only for today do you have to stay sober..and seems as though you have a very good start..for me, i think it was because i didn't start out my using with drugs, it was always alcohol..my parents and everyone i knew drank alcohol..it was the way of life..looking back now, i had no life..no life to actually mean anything..oh, there were great times sober, but most of it was with alcohol, i knew no other way to socialize, fit in, ect..Even the last couple of days have been hard, but in no way have i let my guard down, but boy have i been cranky..although it is better being sober than living the life i was living with alcohol a part of it..I don't have much STRENGHTH to offer you, being new myself, but i do offer you HOPE that for TODAY you don't have to take that first drink, and my EXPERIENCE is sketchy, but I share with you some of mine in hopes of helping in some way..and maybe even helping myself, as we all help eachother..i know your posts are helping me through this morning, and i am grateful..I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that you keep posting..Best wishes to you...Take care..

colinf

stick in ther tonya im glad you could relate and ive helped you today.wow what a good feeling just starting here and helping someone else never knew it could feel so enlightning.addiction is such a selfish desease i hope when im better that i can volunteer to help aa and devote my life to helping others around me rather than destroying everything that comes into the dark soul of a fueled addict.the past is dark the future is a shining bright light that i want to embrace and share with those around me.

love cols

Kellye C

Colin, you can help AA from the very beginning by showing up! You coming in as a newcomer helps those who will share their experience, strength and hope with you. We are helped by helping others. Your coming in will remind those who have been sober a while that this disease hasn't gotten any better, that alcohol still kicks *ss. You will be helped by the hope you will see in those meetings. It is a two-way street. As you feel more comfortable you can help even more by coming in early and staying late, making coffee, emptying ashtrays, reaching out your hand to the newcomer who comes in looking terrified and just by suiting up and showing up. Some people watch who comes in time after time and gain hope from that without you ever knowing it. Coming on this board and sharing of yourself helps tremendously too regardless of where you are at in your sobriety for the same reasons I stated above. This is a WE program. Together, WE stay sober. When some are down, others are there to pick us up or share how they've gotten through. Then when those people are down, there are others to help them. All the while the person who is doing the helping is getting as much if not more than the person they are trying to help. It's really cool when you stop and think about it.

Enjoy your outing to get those Diet Cokes today and keep sharing!

Hugs,
Kellye

Sobriety1st

Kelly is so right, just by showing up at the meetings, helping out and sharing your story and your feelings helps others..last week i became very emotional at my meeting and passed on sharing, and later going over that with my sponsor, she explained to me, that by sharing what i was feeling, (it was over a woman my mothers age started coughing and it sounded just like my mother, and i have never dealt with her death sober, therefore i became very emotional and excused myself from the meeting to collect myself and wipe my tears) may have helped someone else that may have been going through, or has been through that same experience, therefore sharing experiences..so, from now on, i will not "pass" if i have something to share, in hopes of helping not only myself, but others, and colin, it is usually us, the newcomers, that need so much help that offer so much help to others that have years of sobriety..so, you posting and sharing is helping way more people than you realize..hang in there, and i will do the same..thank you..

colinf

well im back from my little jaunt,there was 9 of us round the table 6 drinking 3 of us on soft drinks.i managed 3 diet cokes but felt a little out of place,you probably no that strange feeling.anyway mum ran me home as its only down the road but i managed to join in the conversation a little.all in all im glad i went but glad to be home also.Sunday tommorow i may treat myself to a meal(my first one sober).sending love to you all cols