escape artist

i have learned something about myself, which is a codependent trait. at least i was conscious enough to really be aware of the "icky" feeling i was getting rather than letting denial cover it up for me.
i now realize the "icky" feeling was from truly seeing how a particular situation was not what i "wanted" it to be. No matter how much i may have wished for it to be the way i needed it be...there was no denying that it would not.
I could go through the pain of loss now or i could delay it with many more layers of denial...but nothing changes if nothing changes...and i am very glad but with a certain sense of loss for what i wanted things to be, but still very glad that i chose my recovery instead.

GettingFree

I completely understand what you are saying. I find too that I am faced with situations that my awareness learned through recovery tells me certain things, and I know too, there are still tendencies to want to fall into familiar patterns, including denial.

It's great you can see this as it unfolds and have the awareness to take good care of yourself. Not easy sometimes, especially when it means making choices that bring pain.

best
gf