mygirls_mylife

I had a rough 3rd night last night. All the withdrawal symptoms were getting me. By the time I went to bed, I was really feeling my decisoin to quit and my disease started talking to me.
- well, I really wasnt that bad when I was drinking
- so I couldnt go 2 days w/out a drink
- my kids didnt suffer that much, I still took care of them
I realized right then and there exactly how POWERFUL a DISEASE we are dealing with. As I couldnt sleep (of course)because of my muscle spasms and stomach clenching, I had an epiphany of my 1st step.
I am still unsure of this b/c I have yet to start officially the 12 step program so I did this from what I gathered from another site.

1. I am powerless over my addiction to alcohol
2. I am powerless over my issues of abandonment
3. I am powerless over other people's attitudes
4. I am powerless over my feelings of my bio. father's betrayal
5. I am powerless over my loved one's getting sick/dying
6. I am powerless over my quick sensitivity
7. I am powerless over my own sense of inadequacy
8. I am powerless over what my daughters' will "grow up" to be
9. I am powerless over my mom's feelings of depression/guilt
10. I am powerless over MY feelings of depression/anxiety/guilt
11. I am powerless over my S.O.'s addiction
12. I am powerless over the feeling of drowning every month (bills.etc)
13. I am powerless over what my bio. mother chose to do/be
14. I am powerless over my decisions in life as of SO FAR
15. I am NOT powerless with God's grace

Anyways, I wrote all this down last night when I couldnt sleep. I eventually ignored the muscle spasms enough to go to sleep on the couch.

BUT IT IS A GLORIOUS DAY 4!!!!!
Best to everyone and CONGRATS on another day!!

c'est la vie

Whew you're a quick learner. You're going to be sober in no time at all. It looks like if you add a few reasons for listing each of those items then you've got a step 4 done or almost done. I quit AA when I got to step 4. It started to get me depressed and so I thought that I would just say that I didn't have a problem so I don't need to sift through reasons for having something that isn't a problem. How's that for twisted thinking. I'm back now and standing firm. I can't take it any longer.

Keep holding tight. The longer you hold out, the stronger the disease will want to fight you until finally it realizes you're serious. I finally feel like I'm on fairly stable ground to start thinking clearly after a week. You're doing great.

igfan

Congratulations on day 3, here's to day 4! You're doing great!

Anna

I'm glad you're feeling well.

It is so hard to accept how powerless we are in this world we live in. So much goes on that we want to control. But, we do have control over how we see the world. We can make a choice every day to live a sober, peaceful life.