Divorce
One brief hour...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
Divorce
I filed yesterday with the idea that it would be uncontested and we've agreed to all terms (I get the cat and my personals and he essentially gets everything else). I'm being incredibly generous. The cat is really all I care about.
He threw a fit about it all (like he could not believe I followed through) and started saying how he talked to a lawyer too and he's entitled to everything including the cat and that it "will get ugly." I told him, "please don't go that route. You have NO idea what you're getting yourself into."
Essentially, I have tape-recorded threats, pics of damaged material goods caused by HIM, W2s that prove my income is much higher than his, sherriff's reports, etc, etc, etc--the list can go on and on. Hopefully it was quacking. I really think he lied about having spoken to a lawyer b/c what he said was contradictory to the advice I got from 2lawyers. If he wants to play dirty though, bring it on. He will not run all over me!!!! I can be the biggest Ahole on the planet when FORCED to be. I just want out of this clean though. UUUUUGGGGGG!! AH's antics:uzi2:
He threw a fit about it all (like he could not believe I followed through) and started saying how he talked to a lawyer too and he's entitled to everything including the cat and that it "will get ugly." I told him, "please don't go that route. You have NO idea what you're getting yourself into."
Essentially, I have tape-recorded threats, pics of damaged material goods caused by HIM, W2s that prove my income is much higher than his, sherriff's reports, etc, etc, etc--the list can go on and on. Hopefully it was quacking. I really think he lied about having spoken to a lawyer b/c what he said was contradictory to the advice I got from 2lawyers. If he wants to play dirty though, bring it on. He will not run all over me!!!! I can be the biggest Ahole on the planet when FORCED to be. I just want out of this clean though. UUUUUGGGGGG!! AH's antics:uzi2:
Procrastinator
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 76
Oh, Mega, that stinks. But just wondering....why are you being so generous? Is it just one of those "I'll take the cat, just get me the heck out of here!" deals? Hang tough no matter what....xoxoxo
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Is the cat yours his, or did you pick it out together?? Does he feed it, water it, brush it, take it to the vet????
Ever divorce story I have heard with an A involved, they say , "You will never get anything"! Then they don't usually show up to contest. (exceptions sometimes)
Keep safe .
Ever divorce story I have heard with an A involved, they say , "You will never get anything"! Then they don't usually show up to contest. (exceptions sometimes)
Keep safe .
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Originally Posted by Clancy46
Ever divorce story I have heard with an A involved, they say , "You will never get anything"! Then they don't usually show up to contest. (exceptions sometimes)
Keep safe .
Keep safe .
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
ROFL
Yea my ex had the tempertrantum too.... he said he would take me out in the woods and I would never be found before I left him and took our daughter, he was going to burn the new truck... you name it.
Its just quacking till something happens
Yea my ex had the tempertrantum too.... he said he would take me out in the woods and I would never be found before I left him and took our daughter, he was going to burn the new truck... you name it.
Its just quacking till something happens
One brief hour...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
Thanks so much ALL! 
Thanks Greenapple and you hang tough yourself. It's funny that I could be considered "an inspiration" to anyone but I DO appreciate it.
Patty- luckily in the state I live in, spousal support is NOT even considered if the marriage is one of less than 5 years. The only time it is considered is when children are involved or if one spouse is severly disabled and cannot work (neither my case thank God).
IlovedBJ- that's EXACTLY what it is! Material things are replaceable and I just want out.
We got it after about a year together. It was a rescue. No- he has not ONCE changed the litterbox for this kitty in all this time. He doesn't even have a driver's license or a car to take her to the vet! She is really mine. I've done everything for her.
Bigsis- thank you so much and I can't wait until I'm in my own place so that can have some sort of QUIET!!
Denny and Cynay-- you are very right about what you say. I'd be shocked if all the sudden he attempted to be a "responsible adult" and actually start up legal proceedings!! We'll see though. Weirder things have happened.
Thanks Greenapple and you hang tough yourself. It's funny that I could be considered "an inspiration" to anyone but I DO appreciate it.
Patty- luckily in the state I live in, spousal support is NOT even considered if the marriage is one of less than 5 years. The only time it is considered is when children are involved or if one spouse is severly disabled and cannot work (neither my case thank God).
IlovedBJ- that's EXACTLY what it is! Material things are replaceable and I just want out.
Is the cat yours his, or did you pick it out together?? Does he feed it, water it, brush it, take it to the vet????
Bigsis- thank you so much and I can't wait until I'm in my own place so that can have some sort of QUIET!!
Denny and Cynay-- you are very right about what you say. I'd be shocked if all the sudden he attempted to be a "responsible adult" and actually start up legal proceedings!! We'll see though. Weirder things have happened.
One brief hour...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
I, too, just wanted out and it over with...and had the keep the stuff it's only stuff attitude. I now regret that.
Oh live- I'm sorry that you gave it up (but I'm sure it's been worth the peace you've gained). I do think that stuff is just stuff, BUT it IS expensive to replace.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
(((mega)))
Oh, have I heard all that? No, but I heard it shouted in actions, if you know what I mean. Seems that the legal system has a different idea that he has and that's all that matters to me.
I was with a guy for 10 years from ages 17-27. We bought a house together and bought stuff for it, mainly from his income as he was earning a lot more than me. We parted because we became more like brother and sister and we are still good friends today. When we split, he was more than fair. Despite having put up the deposit for the house and paid the legal fees and that the mortgage was raised mainly on his earnings, we split the (quite substantial) profit down the middle, net of his original costs. (Ironically, my share of that profit came to almost exactly the amount that R now owes me.) When he left, we split up stuff by his stuff/my stuff, by whose side of the family gave it as gifts and lastly, he left me with what was more useful in my life than his. He was (and is) a true gent and our break-up was a model. In fact, I did the same thing when I left R, despite the very different atmosphere surrounding our break-up.
I donlt quite know why I shared all of that, but I felt the need for some reason. Please don't do yourself short. You're worth more than that. You can get rid of stuff later, but you might just need it now. No point getting into financial difficulty by replacing stuff you already own.
And most of all, stay safe. The most dangerous time is when one leaves. That lifting of the veil of denial can cause some pretty ugly emotions to come to the fore and you know that he has previous on this.
Oh, have I heard all that? No, but I heard it shouted in actions, if you know what I mean. Seems that the legal system has a different idea that he has and that's all that matters to me.
I was with a guy for 10 years from ages 17-27. We bought a house together and bought stuff for it, mainly from his income as he was earning a lot more than me. We parted because we became more like brother and sister and we are still good friends today. When we split, he was more than fair. Despite having put up the deposit for the house and paid the legal fees and that the mortgage was raised mainly on his earnings, we split the (quite substantial) profit down the middle, net of his original costs. (Ironically, my share of that profit came to almost exactly the amount that R now owes me.) When he left, we split up stuff by his stuff/my stuff, by whose side of the family gave it as gifts and lastly, he left me with what was more useful in my life than his. He was (and is) a true gent and our break-up was a model. In fact, I did the same thing when I left R, despite the very different atmosphere surrounding our break-up.
I donlt quite know why I shared all of that, but I felt the need for some reason. Please don't do yourself short. You're worth more than that. You can get rid of stuff later, but you might just need it now. No point getting into financial difficulty by replacing stuff you already own.
And most of all, stay safe. The most dangerous time is when one leaves. That lifting of the veil of denial can cause some pretty ugly emotions to come to the fore and you know that he has previous on this.
One brief hour...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
Thanks Minnie. You know before his quacking yesterday, I really thought that we'd come to a decent agreement. We were talking about the division of items like you and your gent. Oddly enough, I don't feel I'm selling myself short b/c in actuality most of the stuff in our apt. is stuff that I brought into it and things that are rightfully mine to keep. It is the few thousand bucks worth of brand new furniture I'm basically "giving" him and he can have it really. That's worth the trade for my kitty!
I will stay safe and you need to get prepared for that big trip of yours.
I will stay safe and you need to get prepared for that big trip of yours.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by Clancy46
Is the cat yours his, or did you pick it out together?? Does he feed it, water it, brush it, take it to the vet????
Ever divorce story I have heard with an A involved, they say , "You will never get anything"! Then they don't usually show up to contest. (exceptions sometimes)
Keep safe .
Ever divorce story I have heard with an A involved, they say , "You will never get anything"! Then they don't usually show up to contest. (exceptions sometimes)
Keep safe .
Hang in there,mega. Hopefully he'll loose the wind in his sails and settled down.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: My Own Private Hell
Posts: 25
mega, just be careful. i filed several weeks ago and my life has turned into a living hell. they say you don't really know anyone until you go through a divorce with them, and that is so true. just make sure you have a good lawyer and don't worry about being overly generous because he'll be the first to step all over you. it really is like vietnam or something (apologies to actual vets). it's dirty warfare with someone who was supposed to love you best, but now knows all your weak spots and vulnerabilities. it's just sick. mine is know wanting to slow it down until i get a job (i'm looking) because he doesn't think he should have to pay any child support or maintenance (after 15 years of marriage and two kids 4 and 7). i've been home since 1998 and he has delusions that i'm going to get some fat salary. whatever. breathe deep and seek peace!
In Recovery
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 259
Mega & all,
Hi. I have wanted to leave my H for a long time. He doesn't drink, but when I read the posts and threads from the other forums, he acts like an active A. I'm confused by that.
I've begun to set up a plan to go to a shelter, but feel completely overwhelmed. I have all sorts of files here at the house, and require internet usage (he pays) and cel phone (he pays) and my van (he pays...because I haven't begun to earn money yet).
I'm sad because my dtr age 8 will be going to swimming lessons soon, and because I will be leaving 6 little kittens behind, and I know my dtrs will be crying for their daddy, because they've been seeing me be so angry, depressed, and crying all the time, and he sits there and acts like Mr Happy Go Lucky Daddy! God, I hate him! The hate and rage comes from feeling trapped...I have no money, no real place to go.
But, there is a couple things I learned from my first divorce (I didn't instigate)...one, you find out what the person who said they loved you for all time is really capable of...and you find out what you are capable of. Two, don't ever tell your enemy your plans. It's sad, that we have to go from trying to be one another's companions (which he's never tried to be to me), to suddenly switching to the other side of the spectrum and treating one another as archenemies.
I will tell you one thing, I damn straight am NOT going to leave all MY stuff (premarital assets/gifts, and stuff I think I earned) behind. I REFUSE to start all over again with NOTHING.
I've been feeling like I just can't do it...that I'll be stuck here forever. I know that there will never be an "ideal time" to leave...things will never just fall into place....
So I guess what I'm asking is...how did you get to that point where you knew it was time, when there was just no more waiting, you couldn't put it up with it one more day? I thought I was at that point, but now I'm scared Sh*tless!
Venting, asking, wondering...
Kari
"When I'm back on my feet again..." Michael Bolton
Hi. I have wanted to leave my H for a long time. He doesn't drink, but when I read the posts and threads from the other forums, he acts like an active A. I'm confused by that.
I've begun to set up a plan to go to a shelter, but feel completely overwhelmed. I have all sorts of files here at the house, and require internet usage (he pays) and cel phone (he pays) and my van (he pays...because I haven't begun to earn money yet).
I'm sad because my dtr age 8 will be going to swimming lessons soon, and because I will be leaving 6 little kittens behind, and I know my dtrs will be crying for their daddy, because they've been seeing me be so angry, depressed, and crying all the time, and he sits there and acts like Mr Happy Go Lucky Daddy! God, I hate him! The hate and rage comes from feeling trapped...I have no money, no real place to go.
But, there is a couple things I learned from my first divorce (I didn't instigate)...one, you find out what the person who said they loved you for all time is really capable of...and you find out what you are capable of. Two, don't ever tell your enemy your plans. It's sad, that we have to go from trying to be one another's companions (which he's never tried to be to me), to suddenly switching to the other side of the spectrum and treating one another as archenemies.
I will tell you one thing, I damn straight am NOT going to leave all MY stuff (premarital assets/gifts, and stuff I think I earned) behind. I REFUSE to start all over again with NOTHING.
I've been feeling like I just can't do it...that I'll be stuck here forever. I know that there will never be an "ideal time" to leave...things will never just fall into place....
So I guess what I'm asking is...how did you get to that point where you knew it was time, when there was just no more waiting, you couldn't put it up with it one more day? I thought I was at that point, but now I'm scared Sh*tless!
Venting, asking, wondering...
Kari
"When I'm back on my feet again..." Michael Bolton
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
