Tired of being a drunk idiot
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Northwoods of Wisconsin
Posts: 29
Tired of being a drunk idiot
I have to blurt this out or I will chicken out-
I decided to quit drinking after I got drunk and let/encouraged my neighbor's brother to touch my breasts at a party. I flirted with the guy all night. Now my neighbor is SO pissed at me. I am SO humiliated. WHY???? I am like Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde. Respectable mother, teacher (of adults- don't worry!!), wife all week, but give me more than three drinks and I am just - an idiot!!! I have a great husband, but when I drink, I pretty much ignore him if we are out. I want attention from everyone else. Maybe I need therapy to deal w/that part, but I want to be a better person and find value in myself, not just because some guy flirts with me. Especially because I am married!! I have never cheated on him (truly, probably because we are always together- God knows what the drunken me might do if I had friends to do a "girls night out " with)and I want to STOP giving the impression that I might. My husband is a good man and deserves better than what I'm giving. I deserve better than what I'm giving.
Does anyone else know what this is like? I hope to find enough strength here to attend an AA meeting within the next week. I have to do this. I really hate myself.
I have an overwhelming urge to edit or delete this, so here goes-
I decided to quit drinking after I got drunk and let/encouraged my neighbor's brother to touch my breasts at a party. I flirted with the guy all night. Now my neighbor is SO pissed at me. I am SO humiliated. WHY???? I am like Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde. Respectable mother, teacher (of adults- don't worry!!), wife all week, but give me more than three drinks and I am just - an idiot!!! I have a great husband, but when I drink, I pretty much ignore him if we are out. I want attention from everyone else. Maybe I need therapy to deal w/that part, but I want to be a better person and find value in myself, not just because some guy flirts with me. Especially because I am married!! I have never cheated on him (truly, probably because we are always together- God knows what the drunken me might do if I had friends to do a "girls night out " with)and I want to STOP giving the impression that I might. My husband is a good man and deserves better than what I'm giving. I deserve better than what I'm giving.
Does anyone else know what this is like? I hope to find enough strength here to attend an AA meeting within the next week. I have to do this. I really hate myself.
I have an overwhelming urge to edit or delete this, so here goes-
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Newark,DE
Posts: 404
Hi OK,
Welcome to SR, I think you are in the right place. Dont worry about telling whats on your mind, most of us have stories to tell that we are not really proud of (when sober). Dont worry, they will get over it.
Stick around, and you will find lots of friends here, and lots of good advice. After a while, you will see what is right for you.
Alcoholism is progressive, and if you are drinking to the point of losing control now, it will most likely just get worse. And if you are engaging in risky behavior, either sexual, emotional, or on the road, sooner or later the odds will catch up to you, and you may do something really regretful. So far, no real harm done, try to get control now.
Maybe you and hubby need to avoid situations where alcohol is involved for a bit. If you are honest with him, and truly ask his help, maybe he could moderate you a little.
I truly love my wife, and she is about the only person in my life for far that has asked me to slow down, and I do. I am trying to quit altogether, so she doesnt have to tell me to slow down, but like many here, I'm a work in progress.
Nice to have you here, let us know how you are doing!
S
Welcome to SR, I think you are in the right place. Dont worry about telling whats on your mind, most of us have stories to tell that we are not really proud of (when sober). Dont worry, they will get over it.
Stick around, and you will find lots of friends here, and lots of good advice. After a while, you will see what is right for you.
Alcoholism is progressive, and if you are drinking to the point of losing control now, it will most likely just get worse. And if you are engaging in risky behavior, either sexual, emotional, or on the road, sooner or later the odds will catch up to you, and you may do something really regretful. So far, no real harm done, try to get control now.
Maybe you and hubby need to avoid situations where alcohol is involved for a bit. If you are honest with him, and truly ask his help, maybe he could moderate you a little.
I truly love my wife, and she is about the only person in my life for far that has asked me to slow down, and I do. I am trying to quit altogether, so she doesnt have to tell me to slow down, but like many here, I'm a work in progress.
Nice to have you here, let us know how you are doing!
S
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
I know exactly what it is like. My behavior was similar. I finally had to make a decision cause I couldn't live with the guilt of behaving like a tramp when I had a great husband who loved me. You don't need therapy to do that. You just need to quit.. like I did. You can do it if your ready. You'll find it only get's worse... took me 20 years to believe in that finally. I hope you don't waste that much time figuring it out.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Focus
Posts: 687
Welcome to SR, good for you for deciding to quit drinking and go to an AA meeting, your life will change for the better that is for sure, mine did.
Stick with it, dont be like me and two weeks later think, "Oh that wasnt that bad", well for me it was that bad.
All the best to you!!
Stick with it, dont be like me and two weeks later think, "Oh that wasnt that bad", well for me it was that bad.
All the best to you!!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi and Welcome to SR!...
It's great to see a new member
Congratulations for reaching out.
AA is how I quit and how I learned how to enjoy
a non drinking l life,,,I am so glad to see you are going
to attend a meeting.
Let us know if we can help...we have lots of info here
and we do understand.
It's great to see a new member
Congratulations for reaching out.
AA is how I quit and how I learned how to enjoy
a non drinking l life,,,I am so glad to see you are going
to attend a meeting.
Let us know if we can help...we have lots of info here
and we do understand.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Ya know what?..............You have already taken the first step. You dont know how ahead of the game you are right now than alot of people. You see your problem,...are taking full responsibility for it, and are seeking help and answers. Good for you!! Now,..all you have to do is the work. Thats the hardest part, but, by doing all you have done up until now, you have cut your problem in half. Im glad your here.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi Kayte,
Welcome and please know that you are not alone! Shame and guilt are such a huge part of drinking. It took me a really long time to begin to shake them.
You've found a great place here at SR and there are lots of good people here who can offer support and information, so keep posting.
Welcome and please know that you are not alone! Shame and guilt are such a huge part of drinking. It took me a really long time to begin to shake them.
You've found a great place here at SR and there are lots of good people here who can offer support and information, so keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Welcome Kayte! 
You are definitely in the right place. We have ALL done embarassing, shameful things under the influence. Thankfully there IS a way out. Please try an AA meeting (preferably a woman's meeting). You will be among friends.
You are definitely in the right place. We have ALL done embarassing, shameful things under the influence. Thankfully there IS a way out. Please try an AA meeting (preferably a woman's meeting). You will be among friends.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
I have a great husband, but when I drink, I pretty much ignore him if we are out. I want attention from everyone else. Maybe I need therapy to deal w/that part, but I want to be a better person and find value in myself, not just because some guy flirts with me.
Talk to your husband. It may be the hardest thing you have to do (at least it was for me) and hopefully he'll support your effort to be alcohol free when you go out.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi Kayte, a belated welcome to SR
I know exactly how you feel! Shame was a huge part of my drinking story. I chose AA as my method of recovery, and now have 2 1/2 years sobriety, and a whole new life.
I wish you well on your recovery journey
HUGX
lee
I know exactly how you feel! Shame was a huge part of my drinking story. I chose AA as my method of recovery, and now have 2 1/2 years sobriety, and a whole new life.
I wish you well on your recovery journey
HUGX
lee
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Good Ole' Rocky Top!
Posts: 3,540
(((Kayte)))
Been there done that. Most of us probably have. I love my husband dearly and shudder at all the things that I have put him through.
Welcome to SR! I'm glad that you posted. Keep posting.
Much love ~
Ang
Been there done that. Most of us probably have. I love my husband dearly and shudder at all the things that I have put him through.
Welcome to SR! I'm glad that you posted. Keep posting.
Much love ~
Ang
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 100
Hi Kayte
I'm new myself and hoping that I can get sober, and stay that way. I'm happy and settled with my current partner of 6 years, although he really wants me to stop drinking (or at least control it - which we know means stop!) as he is getting fed up of me WHEN I AM DRUNK, I can get nasty, overloud or just plain embarrassing! Only once have I flirted with another guy-in this 6 years, very mildly, but I was absolutley mortified as I love and adore my man (and he me).
Previously I did act very promiscuously inside and outside relationships. Although my problems with low self esteem certainly were a big contributer
I can honestly say that 99% of the time this was because I was drunk. Shame, guilt, horror. I beat myself with that for a long time, that and all the other terrible, embarrassing things I did.
Lets move on, we can do it! Still looking for the right method for me, but this site sure is helping already!
Kickit
I'm new myself and hoping that I can get sober, and stay that way. I'm happy and settled with my current partner of 6 years, although he really wants me to stop drinking (or at least control it - which we know means stop!) as he is getting fed up of me WHEN I AM DRUNK, I can get nasty, overloud or just plain embarrassing! Only once have I flirted with another guy-in this 6 years, very mildly, but I was absolutley mortified as I love and adore my man (and he me).
Previously I did act very promiscuously inside and outside relationships. Although my problems with low self esteem certainly were a big contributer
I can honestly say that 99% of the time this was because I was drunk. Shame, guilt, horror. I beat myself with that for a long time, that and all the other terrible, embarrassing things I did.
Lets move on, we can do it! Still looking for the right method for me, but this site sure is helping already!
Kickit
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Northwoods of Wisconsin
Posts: 29
Hey, Kickit!
I agree that we can do it! I've just been sober a bit over a week, but I am feeling SO much better about everything. AND I didn't do/say anything stupid this weekend! This site is helping me very much because I have never been honest about the impact of my drinking before. I feel safe doing so here.
I haven't been to AA yet, but I am already starting to understand a great deal about why I was doing some of the things that I did. Keep posting! I believe that this is a great starting point for a new life!
Kayte
I agree that we can do it! I've just been sober a bit over a week, but I am feeling SO much better about everything. AND I didn't do/say anything stupid this weekend! This site is helping me very much because I have never been honest about the impact of my drinking before. I feel safe doing so here.
I haven't been to AA yet, but I am already starting to understand a great deal about why I was doing some of the things that I did. Keep posting! I believe that this is a great starting point for a new life!
Kayte
duck amuck
Join Date: May 2006
Location: SoCal
Posts: 27
Yeah, I've done some very embarrassing and humiliating things while trashed myself. I've put my wife through... if not hell, then certianly heck. Just not doing things like that and not having to look back and feel ashamed of myself anymore is worth the effort it takes to stay sober. Waking up in the morning without wondering what happened the night before is wonderful.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Focus
Posts: 687
Originally Posted by OctoberKayte
Hey, Kickit!
I've just been sober a bit over a week,
I believe that this is a great starting point for a new life!
Kayte
I've just been sober a bit over a week,
I believe that this is a great starting point for a new life!
Kayte
And you are right about it being the starting point for a new life,
Happy Sailing:boat
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Welcome.
Yes, I can relate to doing stupid things that I regretted the next day. The funny think is, I haven't awoke to feeling embarrassed or humiliated by my actions ever since I quit drinking. It appears I can control my behavior after all. I'm not a stupid person, but do stupid things when I drink.
Yes, I can relate to doing stupid things that I regretted the next day. The funny think is, I haven't awoke to feeling embarrassed or humiliated by my actions ever since I quit drinking. It appears I can control my behavior after all. I'm not a stupid person, but do stupid things when I drink.
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 100
Hi Kayte
hope that you are doing. I didn't manage it and yesterday got very drunk, can't remember most of it. But had a blazing row with my partner's sister and her partner. I was horrible - as usual, although it's been a year and five months since I 'kicked off', but not since I was drunk!. Anyway, this is my wake up call - particularly as it seems that I may have caused a breakup in both relationships and lost a friend I held dear. Worst of all her son, who I love dearly was witness to the whole sorry affair and I am heartbroken about this.
The good news is that because of this disaster, I finally got the courage to go to AA tonight. The best move I have ever made, why did I resist for so long. This was a great meeting - maybe I was finally ready for it. I am going to keep going to AA and I will recover. Go Kayte, I have stopped many times then just started again, and each time I quickly got worse than before. It was amazing to see and hear from people, normal attractive, warm lovely people who are like me! They understand, I got so much love and support.
Best Wishes
hope that you are doing. I didn't manage it and yesterday got very drunk, can't remember most of it. But had a blazing row with my partner's sister and her partner. I was horrible - as usual, although it's been a year and five months since I 'kicked off', but not since I was drunk!. Anyway, this is my wake up call - particularly as it seems that I may have caused a breakup in both relationships and lost a friend I held dear. Worst of all her son, who I love dearly was witness to the whole sorry affair and I am heartbroken about this.
The good news is that because of this disaster, I finally got the courage to go to AA tonight. The best move I have ever made, why did I resist for so long. This was a great meeting - maybe I was finally ready for it. I am going to keep going to AA and I will recover. Go Kayte, I have stopped many times then just started again, and each time I quickly got worse than before. It was amazing to see and hear from people, normal attractive, warm lovely people who are like me! They understand, I got so much love and support.
Best Wishes
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