StandingStrong

Last year on Mother's Day, I sat out in my parent's yard and I sobbed my eyes out to my Dad. Something I'd never done before. I'd been carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, and that day, I finally broke.
I looked on here to find a post during that time as I know that I was not really airing all of my personal stuff on this site yet at that time. This was the only post I could find in reference to it. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ife-58692.html
I was under some major financial stress last year at this time. I had just found out that AH had been seeing someone. After I'd slept with him, after 13 months of seperation, I then discover that he had indeed slept with the woman he had been seeing. Add in the fact that the mortgage company was progressing onto foreclosing on our home which was going to leave the children and I homeless as well as leave a foreclosure on my head........you can imagine the stress. As well as stress at work as our yearly inventory was approaching, etc. Needless to say - my life was definately falling apart!! I was falling apart!!!

I've been in a funk lately. I was uncertain as to what caused it, uncertain what it was that was causing all the feelings that I have been having as of late. Maybe a combination of many things. Who knows.

But today, I thought back on Mother's Day last year and I remembered sitting with my Dad while I literally sobbed and spillled all the stress out to my Dad. Remembered the pain that I felt that day as it shook me to the core. How truly devastated I was at that point. It was a horrible day.

What good could come of this memory?
I looked over the past year. Looked at how far I have come from that day - looked at AH's progress (?) over the last year. And know that I've come a long way. I may have slipped and even fell hard over the past year - but I am a survivor and I am still here, fighting my way to a better life.
I really didn't have a good Mother's Day today (for a couple different reasons) but it was definately better than last years! And while it may not be huge - it's still progress.

prodigal

Listen, StandingStrong, it's not about the gigantic leaps you make but about the small steps you take towards a better tomorrow. I can understand your sense of betrayal when you found out your AH had slept with someone else while doing the same to you. I went through something similar. My former AH was out on the Internet posting his photo (the one with me cropped out of the picture!) looking for his "soulmate" while sleeping with me on the grounds that he wanted a "reconciliation." Jeesh! I found it all out by a weird set of coincidences, but when I did I was on to his so-called "plan." What a sleezeball!

My Mother's Day was stinky, but it gave me pause to think back to the same day in 2000 when I thought that one was the worst. In hindsight, I realize it was better than what I got today. My current AH (am I a crazoid/sicko or what???) forgot to call his mom because he was so drunk. I called her at 5 p.m. (7 p.m. her time) and the first thing she said to me was, "You're the last one to call, and it means so much to me to hear from my children today." I finally put my loser AH on the phone. He blabbered on for awhile. He already knew I was REALLY ticked off that he had not called his mom ... and when he came in soaking wet while I was getting out of the shower he just said, "I fell in the swimming pool." He also destroyed our $200 phone headset in his little swan dive.

No apologies. No excuses. But maybe this is a landmark day for me. It was finally the final straw. I don't give a hoot what a judge says about the short time I've lived in our "family" home, I'm going to serve him papers at the end of this month (right after my family leaves).

We all have to go through our share of junk. For some of us it is worse, for some of us not so bad. Regardless, I have hammered the final nail into the coffin of this so-called "marriage." Done. Gone. Outta here. Adios. Hasta la vista, baby!

Pick-a-name

SS............glad this year was a better Mothers' Day than last; I can't even remember last years' but that is probably just as well:I was served divorce papers,finding out about an OW, etc.,etc......bad year.

Mother's Day was weird and for once, I didn't "expect" anyone to remeber,so I wasn't disappointed........talked to son (he called but didn't memtion the Hallmark Holiday;oh,well.....I talked to him) and daughter was tired out after prom the night before (she was voted QUEEN!!) but when she realized, she asked me if I would like to go out for dinner to celebrate, so she and her bf and I did and had a nice dinner. Oddest thing: I checked my emails before logging-off and there was an email from ex?AH who is in AZ golfing wishing me a Happy Mother's Day...........that was unexpexted, but nice. All those good surprises and I enjoyed them "more" because I didn't have any "expectations" for the day.

So, it was an alright day........my own mother died 19 years ago of cancer. It is always a bittersweet day for me, esp. because she died just a few weeks before Mothers Day.

SS: thanks for your thinking......recovery happens even when we don't "see" it...a little each day. Thanks for the reminder.

megamysterioso

Progress is progress SS and if next year's Mother's Day can be better than yesterday, you know you are on track!