summerbrz

Ok so I went through the seven stages of grief when I found that my soon to be husband was a heroin addict... You know, shock, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and then.. acceptance and hope. That's where I am now. I have checked out the -anons and am not so sure that is for me, I'm not saying that it definitely isn't because I'm not sure, however I would like a shot at something else. I admit that at one time I was pretty low, but now I'm not really, it's hard to deal with but no harder than my mother having cancer and I didn't have to join Can-anon for that, so why nar-anon now? It seems to me like naranon just kind of dwells on the situation instead of actually getting passed it. I understand that addiction for the addicts may be a lifelong "disease" but for the families/wives/gfs? I don't think. I refuse for the rest of my life to be dictated by my df's bad decision, I refuse to wallow in the pain that the addiction has caused me. I intend to move on, and that does not include a program to get over it. I understand that some have a need for that structure but IMO it seems to kind of stunt the growth of the individual, to be wrapped up everyday in meetings and online forums and steps and what not, all surrounding the addiction.

And honestly, the main thing that is causing me to look elsewhere is the lack of openess to other programs. I mean what works for one may not work for the other, that they know, but why can't I ask naranon people about alternate recovery techniques for the addict other than NA. I'm sure that NA has a crappy success rate, and the people that do succeed may have just had it in them to succeed anyway. I just don't want to be blind to other possibilities.

So I'm looking for a friends and family of addicts forum that doesn't have any -anon affiliation or rules. No offense to anons! I love all the anons I have met, I just don't know that I want to BE one.

Morning Glory

I'm sorry we don't have what you're looking for.

We can't be all things to all people. I'm sure you've researched other groups and know about Rational Recovery and Smart and others.

I wish you well and hope you find what you are looking for.

tantricblaze

Hi Summer,

Welcome to the forum! You can find a lot of information on this site. While the site does tend to learn toward 12 Step philosophy, there are plenty on here who are open to all methods of recovery.

Personally, I do not agree with most of what AA/Al-anon has to say. I think a person can overcome their bad past behavior and move on without a label of "alcoholic," or the stigma of having a so-called disease. I know a lot about Al-anon after having attended AA and having my wife go to Al-anon for about a year.

I kind of convinced her to go, and she really didn't like it. Like you, she said that the people there seemed a little "stuck."

I never really could grasp the concept that she was "diseased" too. But it does seem to help some.

I think we are brainwashed as a culture to think we need support groups, when sometimes it may be better to just move on with our lives, and focus on creating something uplifting and positive.

I think SMART may have some good tools for you, and I know that the book "Rational Recovery, The New Cure for Substance Addiction," has a wonderful chapter directed toward spouses and significant others of addicted people.

Perhaps your "support group" could be your friends who are in healthy relationships. After all, who would you like to model your life after? Other women who have gotten into a pickle, just like you, or other women who made better choices at the outset. I don't say this to blame you or anything, rather to encourage you to affiliate with emotionally healthy people, and to encourage you to find the healthy person within yourself.

Also, by going to separate AA and Al-anon meetings, you and your fiance are creating further separation, when in fact, it may be healthier for you to spend time together doing things that serve to uplift each other.

--Scott

shockozulu

Not all of us at the Nar-Anon forum here go to Nar-Anon meetings. I don't. I also do not work NA, I work the SMART program.

Come in and take a look around, you may actually find some of what you are looking for.

BSPGirl

Here's Don S' post about alternatives to 12 step programs: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nfo-76726.html

historyteach

Hi summer...
And welcome to SR! I notice this is your first post. THerefore, I'm a bit confused about this part of your post...

Hmmm....who SAID you cannot ask naranon people about alternative recovery techniques? It seems you make many assumptions here, since this IS your first post...like NA being crappy and successfull people dispite NA... that's really too bad that you would carry such preconceived notions. Seems to me THAT is exactly what impedes my own recovery -- thinking I know it all before I bother to investigate it for myself....
However, both myself and others are open to many pieces of good recovery.
Take what you need and leave the rest, right?
No one says you have to be blind. JUst the opposite. Take a look around before you make a judgement. Ya might just find some words of wisdom that will help you though a tough time.

Shalom!

Don S

Here's one alternative program you might be interested in:

http://www.empoweredrecovery.com/index.htm

I'm also a big fan of SMART Recovery, and think you and your husband-to-be might find it useful. It's linked in BSPGirl's post above.

Don't discount the value of internet forums--we're here to talk to you anytime of day or night! Take care, and keep posting,

Don S

Grasshopper

and welcome!!!!,
You asked why cant you ask naranon people about alternate recovery techniques?You can,but what would they know about it?What experience would they have?That would be similar to going to a Betty crocker gatherings asking,those who follow the Betty crocker rescipes,, about Sara Lee ,products,and rescipes.People will share about their own -experience -with what recovery programs works in their lives.Hope,you find what your looking for.Wishing you all the best of the best,
God Bless,and take care!!