Desperately Needing Help
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Union Mo
Posts: 655
Desperately Needing Help
I need some help and dont know how to solve the problems that are going on in my life. I am at the end of my rope and falling apart. I am a recovering addict from meth abuse and pain pills of the last 5 years. I have been clean from it all since November 15, 2005. My kids have been taken from me, I lost my home and I since then have been slowly putting my life back together. My kids are with their father at home and I am allowed to have 2 supervised visits a week. I have been in treatment during all this time and am in outpatient now. I also have been staying in the home when I am not supposed to be trying to put my family back together and our lives. My bf is the one who is clean. He wont go to any Naranon meetings and is really angry over all that has been going on. I completely destroyed my life and theirs. This has been so hard on him and the kids. One minute he wants me home and the next it all just seems to much for him to handle and he wants me gone. I was living a life of lies when I was using and now that I am clean, I still live a life of lies just to be with my family. He still sees me as completely selfish and everything is about me.
My bf and I had an argument that our daughter seen and she was really upset over it. She has been talking to someone telling them that I was in the home and we had an argument. She is falling apart with all the things that have been going on. She has been told that if she tells people that if I am in the home when I am not supposed to be, Division Of Family Services will come and take her and her baby brother back to foster care. Well who ever she has been talking to, DFS found out that we had an argument. The threat was made again that I better be following the rules or the kids will go back into foster care. If I am not in the home my daughter will fall apart even more. I am afraid she is close to breaking down now. Her father who is my bf is so angry at her for telling anyone that I was here that he wants me gone now to punish her for talking about our argument. I cant talk any sense to him and make him see that by doing so is going to make her just lose it. That to me is abuse. Having her mom made to go away just because she told someone of an argument. She has no one to talk to. My boyfriend sees that I am just wanting to stay in the home because I am being selfish. He says everyone will do things his way or no way at all. His way is going to destroy our kids. I just don't know what to do.
Even if I did leave our daughter would simply just break. If I stay I don't know if dfs will show up from one day to the next. I swear to you that this is not about me being selfish. Yes I want to stay to be with my bf and kids and have a life together for my self and for them. All these problems are ripping us apart.
Please any of you who have been thru this...
ANYONE who knows what I can say to my daughter or to my bf....
Please help if you can.
My bf and I had an argument that our daughter seen and she was really upset over it. She has been talking to someone telling them that I was in the home and we had an argument. She is falling apart with all the things that have been going on. She has been told that if she tells people that if I am in the home when I am not supposed to be, Division Of Family Services will come and take her and her baby brother back to foster care. Well who ever she has been talking to, DFS found out that we had an argument. The threat was made again that I better be following the rules or the kids will go back into foster care. If I am not in the home my daughter will fall apart even more. I am afraid she is close to breaking down now. Her father who is my bf is so angry at her for telling anyone that I was here that he wants me gone now to punish her for talking about our argument. I cant talk any sense to him and make him see that by doing so is going to make her just lose it. That to me is abuse. Having her mom made to go away just because she told someone of an argument. She has no one to talk to. My boyfriend sees that I am just wanting to stay in the home because I am being selfish. He says everyone will do things his way or no way at all. His way is going to destroy our kids. I just don't know what to do.
Even if I did leave our daughter would simply just break. If I stay I don't know if dfs will show up from one day to the next. I swear to you that this is not about me being selfish. Yes I want to stay to be with my bf and kids and have a life together for my self and for them. All these problems are ripping us apart.
Please any of you who have been thru this...
ANYONE who knows what I can say to my daughter or to my bf....
Please help if you can.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Oh honey I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I know how tempted you must be, but if you have any using thoughts throw them out. I know you didn't say you did, I just know that I would.
I am a little confused by some of the things that are going on, but it sounds like you should think about moving on from this guy. I know from your other threads that he hasn't been a great support to you, and you really need someone who will support you.
My heart breaks for you little girl, I used to get in trouble for saying the wrong things also, it is so confusing sometimes for them. Do whatever you need to do to keep her in your life and not be sent away. I didnt really understand what exactly you have to do.
When will you get more time with them? Are you on like House Arrest?
I'm sorry to be so blond, I just want to understand a little better.
Hang in there sweet thing. We have almost 6 months coming up!
(((((GWEN MARIE))))))
I am a little confused by some of the things that are going on, but it sounds like you should think about moving on from this guy. I know from your other threads that he hasn't been a great support to you, and you really need someone who will support you.
My heart breaks for you little girl, I used to get in trouble for saying the wrong things also, it is so confusing sometimes for them. Do whatever you need to do to keep her in your life and not be sent away. I didnt really understand what exactly you have to do.
When will you get more time with them? Are you on like House Arrest?
I'm sorry to be so blond, I just want to understand a little better.
Hang in there sweet thing. We have almost 6 months coming up!
(((((GWEN MARIE))))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Union Mo
Posts: 655
DWI...
Thanks for the support. Im not having any thoughts on using really yet. My thoughts are all to consumed with wanting to help my family. I am not ready to move on yet with bf. He is just confused and hurting too. He didnt abandon me when I really needed him the most. I want to try to do the same.
Aside from him, I need to do this for the kids too.
Thank you DWI. Much love to you.
Gwen
Thanks for the support. Im not having any thoughts on using really yet. My thoughts are all to consumed with wanting to help my family. I am not ready to move on yet with bf. He is just confused and hurting too. He didnt abandon me when I really needed him the most. I want to try to do the same.
Aside from him, I need to do this for the kids too.
Thank you DWI. Much love to you.
Gwen
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Good, I'm glad your not wanting to use. Your stronger than you think, you'll figure all the other stuff out. I really have faith that you'll get through this with flying colors.......
Oh, I can understand what you said about the boyfriend, Just playing devils advocate. Stay strong!!!
Oh, I can understand what you said about the boyfriend, Just playing devils advocate. Stay strong!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
I'm sorry Gwen..thank for sharing your story.
That helps me understand my Gf a little bit better.
I feel like she driving out of my freanken mind at times.
we argue for the same stuff over and over again.
To me...it sounds all the same now...
my brain just process it like that
I was extreemly pissed at her until last weeks. Something shift
inside of me. She said she was praying for me....maybe that worked.
As an abandont child myself, I don't have all the answers.
But i know enough.
Just hold your duaghter as much as you can when you see her,
without smothering her.
We must work on ourselves first. We must love ourselve first.
We must forgive ourselves first. We must accept ourselves first.
We can't give what we don't have.
So we must not give up on ourselve, if we are not to give on other.
That helps me understand my Gf a little bit better.
I feel like she driving out of my freanken mind at times.
we argue for the same stuff over and over again.
To me...it sounds all the same now...
my brain just process it like that
I was extreemly pissed at her until last weeks. Something shift
inside of me. She said she was praying for me....maybe that worked.
As an abandont child myself, I don't have all the answers.
But i know enough.
Just hold your duaghter as much as you can when you see her,
without smothering her.
We must work on ourselves first. We must love ourselve first.
We must forgive ourselves first. We must accept ourselves first.
We can't give what we don't have.
So we must not give up on ourselve, if we are not to give on other.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Union Mo
Posts: 655
I want to say this morning how grateful I am to all of your replies in my post and the PM's. You have given me such insight to myself and behaviors that I could or didn't want to see. You helped me to understand the damage I am still causing to me and my family. I still haven't come up with a solution to this really touchy and important situation. I will be gone for the weekend and I am really going to be doing a lot of searching in myself and talking to god for answers. As an addict I don't like change, following rules, being told what to do, i still want instant gratification. In all this I have failed to see the harm I have put myself in and that of my kids. I am still teaching my kids its okay to bend the rules and to lie and to live an unhealthy life. At least thru my recovery I am now able to see this for what it is and what I am doing. Now its up to me to change the things I can. Finding the strength to do these changes is so very hard. I am starting to realize that stopping the use of drugs wasn't the hard part in recovery but its the changes of the behaviors of addiction is what is so hard. This is all starting to click for me now. I never would have been able to see these things with out my recovery, my HP, my support here at SR and the meetings.
Anyway, I do want to say thank you to all who have kept me in your thoughts and the support and love you have shown me in this post. Thank you too for letting me in prayers too. I will post here again to let you know how things go. I will continue to keep checking this post for anymore advise or insight that each of you may have.
Lots of love and hugs to you all, Gwen
Anyway, I do want to say thank you to all who have kept me in your thoughts and the support and love you have shown me in this post. Thank you too for letting me in prayers too. I will post here again to let you know how things go. I will continue to keep checking this post for anymore advise or insight that each of you may have.
Lots of love and hugs to you all, Gwen
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