Desperately Needing Help
I need some help and dont know how to solve the problems that are going on in my life. I am at the end of my rope and falling apart. I am a recovering addict from meth abuse and pain pills of the last 5 years. I have been clean from it all since November 15, 2005. My kids have been taken from me, I lost my home and I since then have been slowly putting my life back together. My kids are with their father at home and I am allowed to have 2 supervised visits a week. I have been in treatment during all this time and am in outpatient now. I also have been staying in the home when I am not supposed to be trying to put my family back together and our lives. My bf is the one who is clean. He wont go to any Naranon meetings and is really angry over all that has been going on. I completely destroyed my life and theirs. This has been so hard on him and the kids. One minute he wants me home and the next it all just seems to much for him to handle and he wants me gone. I was living a life of lies when I was using and now that I am clean, I still live a life of lies just to be with my family. He still sees me as completely selfish and everything is about me.
My bf and I had an argument that our daughter seen and she was really upset over it. She has been talking to someone telling them that I was in the home and we had an argument. She is falling apart with all the things that have been going on. She has been told that if she tells people that if I am in the home when I am not supposed to be, Division Of Family Services will come and take her and her baby brother back to foster care. Well who ever she has been talking to, DFS found out that we had an argument. The threat was made again that I better be following the rules or the kids will go back into foster care. If I am not in the home my daughter will fall apart even more. I am afraid she is close to breaking down now. Her father who is my bf is so angry at her for telling anyone that I was here that he wants me gone now to punish her for talking about our argument. I cant talk any sense to him and make him see that by doing so is going to make her just lose it. That to me is abuse. Having her mom made to go away just because she told someone of an argument. She has no one to talk to. My boyfriend sees that I am just wanting to stay in the home because I am being selfish. He says everyone will do things his way or no way at all. His way is going to destroy our kids. I just don't know what to do.
Even if I did leave our daughter would simply just break. If I stay I don't know if dfs will show up from one day to the next. I swear to you that this is not about me being selfish. Yes I want to stay to be with my bf and kids and have a life together for my self and for them. All these problems are ripping us apart.
Please any of you who have been thru this...
ANYONE who knows what I can say to my daughter or to my bf....
Please help if you can.