Interesting call from son.
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Interesting call from son.
Yesterday I got an interesting phone call from my 23yr old son. Last year during an the time when AH filed for divorce and son a few months later found "proof" (letters,cards,etc) that there was OW that of course AH was denying...we had a few family sessions with a counselor. I do not know if I posted here about this, but this was a marriage counselor who told me AH was alcohol dependent and would need to stop; but that I probably made him drink.
We went into the session because of the kids problem with him regarding the drinking...they are afraid of him. Rages, he and son have become physical,etc. Try as we did, THAT subject was not touched. Instead it became about how the kids and I were "the problem"; if he drank too much, he had a reason to.in fact a right! (he paid the bills) (The three of us left there livid and some in tears.)
During our last family meeting he basically told my son he was out of line in telling me about the OW and that he should have told his dad and let him handle it (he denied it) and it was none of son's business or mine...nor was it any of our concern or business if husband was in danger of losing his job and he didn't need to say anything about it (he is sole-wage-earner). There were quite a few other things said in the one hour and son and daughter both stood up to leave the room during the session. Therapist literally yelled at son at one point saying he had no right to say anything to me; it was his dad's business if he wanted to cheat and it shouldn't matter to him at all and he was wrong to say. Son said telling the truth was not wrong and he said it was wrong to expect him to lie . on and on.......
Son had some individual sessions with a wonderful woman who deals with family issues in homes with alcoholics (she grew up in one). He mentioned our experience and she said..well that does not sound very helpful,etc.
Son evidently emailed state board with a complaint and I do not know the specifics but he recieved a nice letter thanking him for his concerns and after reviewing the situation, evidently this therapist has been charged with two "counts" of some violations. I guess they will send him this notification (including son's name; which he has no problem with). This once shy kid spoke up and I am proud of him. (He is not usually a complainer.) He said people come to this man for help and in our case it made everything so much worse, he did not want it to happen to someone else. Where alcoholism is involved, this man was clueless even though I was told he does some of the therapy for couples and family in aftercare of local hospital's drug rehab. program.
Just thought I'd let you know if any of you recall this story about this session last year.
We went into the session because of the kids problem with him regarding the drinking...they are afraid of him. Rages, he and son have become physical,etc. Try as we did, THAT subject was not touched. Instead it became about how the kids and I were "the problem"; if he drank too much, he had a reason to.in fact a right! (he paid the bills) (The three of us left there livid and some in tears.)
During our last family meeting he basically told my son he was out of line in telling me about the OW and that he should have told his dad and let him handle it (he denied it) and it was none of son's business or mine...nor was it any of our concern or business if husband was in danger of losing his job and he didn't need to say anything about it (he is sole-wage-earner). There were quite a few other things said in the one hour and son and daughter both stood up to leave the room during the session. Therapist literally yelled at son at one point saying he had no right to say anything to me; it was his dad's business if he wanted to cheat and it shouldn't matter to him at all and he was wrong to say. Son said telling the truth was not wrong and he said it was wrong to expect him to lie . on and on.......
Son had some individual sessions with a wonderful woman who deals with family issues in homes with alcoholics (she grew up in one). He mentioned our experience and she said..well that does not sound very helpful,etc.
Son evidently emailed state board with a complaint and I do not know the specifics but he recieved a nice letter thanking him for his concerns and after reviewing the situation, evidently this therapist has been charged with two "counts" of some violations. I guess they will send him this notification (including son's name; which he has no problem with). This once shy kid spoke up and I am proud of him. (He is not usually a complainer.) He said people come to this man for help and in our case it made everything so much worse, he did not want it to happen to someone else. Where alcoholism is involved, this man was clueless even though I was told he does some of the therapy for couples and family in aftercare of local hospital's drug rehab. program.
Just thought I'd let you know if any of you recall this story about this session last year.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
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Wow, that's really inspiring. Thank you for sharing that. You have a wonderful son. I'm glad you didn't go back to that "counselor", he was certainly in the wrong profession.
Mike :-)
Mike :-)
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Hi Pick...
I hear you. I went through a similar situation over 20 years ago with a psychiatrist who sat there and put all the blame on me for "his" drinking. Giving me the crap that he worked hard and provided for us and that he was entitled to a few (six packs) beers every night. He put me on such a guilt trip and hubby took full advantage of that and got very verbally nasty.
I found another therapist and managed to get hubby to him and fortunately, he was also the therapist for a rehab center. He knew what he was talking about. Unfortunately, 2 more years had gone by before I found this fellow. But he was also instrumental in getting hub to go to rehab.
Bravo for your sons' actions. He did the right thing. Too many people out there who consider themselves an authority on a subject they know nothing about.
Have you found another counsellor? One versed in alcoholism and addictions? It would be a good healthy move for you. And of course, alanon.
Blessings
I hear you. I went through a similar situation over 20 years ago with a psychiatrist who sat there and put all the blame on me for "his" drinking. Giving me the crap that he worked hard and provided for us and that he was entitled to a few (six packs) beers every night. He put me on such a guilt trip and hubby took full advantage of that and got very verbally nasty.
I found another therapist and managed to get hubby to him and fortunately, he was also the therapist for a rehab center. He knew what he was talking about. Unfortunately, 2 more years had gone by before I found this fellow. But he was also instrumental in getting hub to go to rehab.
Bravo for your sons' actions. He did the right thing. Too many people out there who consider themselves an authority on a subject they know nothing about.
Have you found another counsellor? One versed in alcoholism and addictions? It would be a good healthy move for you. And of course, alanon.
Blessings
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Thanks. I have actually found two; but with impending divorce I need to get the details on what kind of insurance coverage I will have, etc. (I have been a stay-at-home mom for the last 23 years). Al-anon, of course, is free!
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Good for your son; and for you, too! As I was reading the post I was thinking, boy this therapist needs to be dragged across the carpet. I was glad to read the happy ending there. Maybe you can talk to your family doctor about needing a therapist and your insurance situation. There are options out there - one of my girlfriends found a very competent therapist that way. Good luck to you.
Putting it all together
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: St. Louis, MO.
Posts: 469
Originally Posted by Pick-a-name
Thanks. I have actually found two; but with impending divorce I need to get the details on what kind of insurance coverage I will have, etc. (I have been a stay-at-home mom for the last 23 years). Al-anon, of course, is free!
Missouri, there is a Women's Center in every City, I get Therapy there on a sliding scale fee. It is very affordable. You might want to check into it. Most states have women's crisis lines for abuse and they can give you the number and location.....hope they have one for you.....AND good for your son....Not enough people speak up about health care as they feel that Dr's , therapist etc. are God-like...they are just people...who are a lot smarter than us...but people none the less......that is so nice that he did that.......too cool.........Kahlia
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