Old topic. New thread.
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Join Date: May 2004
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Old topic. New thread.
We've discussed on here before how our inner turmoil will show itself on the outside in our surroundings. For example, I remember a discussion we had about a year ago or so that was about how the state of our households sometimes show that we have some stress going on internally.
One thing that I found early on when ah moved out was that it was quite helpful for me to start decluttering. I only had so many things that I could actually control and I needed somewhere else to put my energy than ah. Ah and all of our children are packrats - I am not. So I went on a big decluttering session - and it felt good. I am one of those people that tend to like organization - not only in the material things of my life but also just my life in general. Funny too because I'd never really thought about it before that time that I began on my decluttering rampage - but funny, because since then I've had people comment about me and organization. From friends, to family, to even ah. And it's true. I am happier when life is organized.
For me, being organized and decluttered is a way of simplifying my life. And I'm getting more and more about making my life simple.
So, today I'm tackling ah's closet. This is where I tend to put things that need dealt with. (Symbolic - ha ha ha, not really. It was just an empty closet since he moved out but ironic now that I think about it, LOL)
This is where I live and it can be however I want it to be. (within financial reason of course) So today I'm going back to decluttering, simplifying, dealing with things that have been left undealt with, and moving on with my recovery. May sound strange to some of you that doing this stuff is actually healing in a weird sort of way - but I also know that some of you will really get it.
So anyone want to join me on decluttering your houses in hopes of decluttering that inner turmoil? Anyone else feel the need to start simplifying? If so, you're more than welcome to join me.
P.S. I've already gotten 3 bags of clothing for donation as well as a box of miscellaneous stuff. I generally keep stuff like this in a boxes for the annual super large yard sale and use the money I get for school supplies for the kids. This year though, I've decided that it's just not worth the emotional cost to keep it.
One thing that I found early on when ah moved out was that it was quite helpful for me to start decluttering. I only had so many things that I could actually control and I needed somewhere else to put my energy than ah. Ah and all of our children are packrats - I am not. So I went on a big decluttering session - and it felt good. I am one of those people that tend to like organization - not only in the material things of my life but also just my life in general. Funny too because I'd never really thought about it before that time that I began on my decluttering rampage - but funny, because since then I've had people comment about me and organization. From friends, to family, to even ah. And it's true. I am happier when life is organized.
For me, being organized and decluttered is a way of simplifying my life. And I'm getting more and more about making my life simple.
So, today I'm tackling ah's closet. This is where I tend to put things that need dealt with. (Symbolic - ha ha ha, not really. It was just an empty closet since he moved out but ironic now that I think about it, LOL)
This is where I live and it can be however I want it to be. (within financial reason of course) So today I'm going back to decluttering, simplifying, dealing with things that have been left undealt with, and moving on with my recovery. May sound strange to some of you that doing this stuff is actually healing in a weird sort of way - but I also know that some of you will really get it.
So anyone want to join me on decluttering your houses in hopes of decluttering that inner turmoil? Anyone else feel the need to start simplifying? If so, you're more than welcome to join me.
P.S. I've already gotten 3 bags of clothing for donation as well as a box of miscellaneous stuff. I generally keep stuff like this in a boxes for the annual super large yard sale and use the money I get for school supplies for the kids. This year though, I've decided that it's just not worth the emotional cost to keep it.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
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SS - yeah this is still a goal of mine for the year. i've got a LOT of decluttering to do. i have 3 bags of clothing ready for donation and a boatload more to go thru. i WILL do this in 2006 for my peace of mind!
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
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Glad to have you working towards your goal cwohio.
I remember last year, I got rid of TONS of stuff. On top of that, I rearranged the furniture in my family room. It had been rearranged to accomodate some new furniture a long time ago and I never really liked it that way. It felt good to have that room back to how I liked it.
I also went through our old photos. I took all the photos out that caused me really negative feelings - pictures of ah drinking mostly. I offered him the pictures, told him that they were a negative in my life and I no longer wanted them. He didn't even look at them, told me that he didn't want them either. I kept them for awhile in a big envelope for him. After a few months, I tossed them in the trash. It felt good.
There are still things that I want to change. For one thing, we have a television (the kids and I hate it) that ah bought. It was always a sore subject and because the kids and I don't like it (the picture isn't really clear), I'd like to have that thing out of here. I'm waiting till the nice weather comes and then ah can either take it or I'm selling it. The way I see it - that thing takes part of my energy just because it's here and I have to look at it. It's not something that brings me joy, quite the opposite. So even if by some miracle ah and I were to ever get back together, I'd still want that tv gone! We currently use the tv in the living room, but I'd love to have that family room back in use. Right now, it's just a room that seldom gets used and I really don't like that feeling. It used to be the one we all used the most.
There are tons more of things I want to do. I got derailed last spring and feel the need to get back on the track now.
I remember last year, I got rid of TONS of stuff. On top of that, I rearranged the furniture in my family room. It had been rearranged to accomodate some new furniture a long time ago and I never really liked it that way. It felt good to have that room back to how I liked it.
I also went through our old photos. I took all the photos out that caused me really negative feelings - pictures of ah drinking mostly. I offered him the pictures, told him that they were a negative in my life and I no longer wanted them. He didn't even look at them, told me that he didn't want them either. I kept them for awhile in a big envelope for him. After a few months, I tossed them in the trash. It felt good.
There are still things that I want to change. For one thing, we have a television (the kids and I hate it) that ah bought. It was always a sore subject and because the kids and I don't like it (the picture isn't really clear), I'd like to have that thing out of here. I'm waiting till the nice weather comes and then ah can either take it or I'm selling it. The way I see it - that thing takes part of my energy just because it's here and I have to look at it. It's not something that brings me joy, quite the opposite. So even if by some miracle ah and I were to ever get back together, I'd still want that tv gone! We currently use the tv in the living room, but I'd love to have that family room back in use. Right now, it's just a room that seldom gets used and I really don't like that feeling. It used to be the one we all used the most.
There are tons more of things I want to do. I got derailed last spring and feel the need to get back on the track now.
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Nice to see you too ICU!
We were posting at the same time apparently.
Doesn't it feel so good to do this?
And I can't agree more that sometimes this type of thing can be very therapeutic!
We were posting at the same time apparently.
Doesn't it feel so good to do this?
And I can't agree more that sometimes this type of thing can be very therapeutic!
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
I should do that. I noticed when he went to jail I started to become a clean freak.
Its almost like I didnt have the emotional capacity or physical enerfy to deal with it before then.
My car is a big indicator of how messy my life is.
I am really trying to keep it orderly and clean now, because I feel like a total
loser when its dirty.
Ill clean tonight!
Its almost like I didnt have the emotional capacity or physical enerfy to deal with it before then.
My car is a big indicator of how messy my life is.
I am really trying to keep it orderly and clean now, because I feel like a total
loser when its dirty.
Ill clean tonight!
doing the inside job
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: planet happy
Posts: 542
It's true, when I'm okey on the inside.
The stuff on the outside shift or clears up.
When I'm wacked on the inside....the outside is wacked too.
It's weird how simple things of cleaning out the closet was
hard for me. There where so much stuff in there that I carry around
from the pass. I wasn't even using any of the that stuff.
But Man O man...I struggle like hell just to throw stuff out.
So, I had to put all that stuff back. I wasn't ready for it.
I even struggled with cleaning 1 room. The car.lmaf
It took me a couple of month to even get to that piont.
I notice as I got well a little bit at a time.
I would clean one conner of a room at a time, then one draw at
a time. Slowly thru that process , I was learning to let go or
throw out junk/trash that I didn't need.
As I got better and things got cleaner. it was only
a matter of preventive maintenance. A simple list
of doing the inside job and a simple list of the outside job.
I made the list of ten things every sunday.
The list never got any smaller, but at the same time it never got
any bigger. And nothing became a desperate situation.
Manageable, liveable, do-able. And I actually had
more time to enjoy life. It was peaceful and fun.
Then of course, i let her back in.
The house has been a wreck since....I'm a wreck too.
The stuff on the outside shift or clears up.
When I'm wacked on the inside....the outside is wacked too.
It's weird how simple things of cleaning out the closet was
hard for me. There where so much stuff in there that I carry around
from the pass. I wasn't even using any of the that stuff.
But Man O man...I struggle like hell just to throw stuff out.
So, I had to put all that stuff back. I wasn't ready for it.
I even struggled with cleaning 1 room. The car.lmaf
It took me a couple of month to even get to that piont.
I notice as I got well a little bit at a time.
I would clean one conner of a room at a time, then one draw at
a time. Slowly thru that process , I was learning to let go or
throw out junk/trash that I didn't need.
As I got better and things got cleaner. it was only
a matter of preventive maintenance. A simple list
of doing the inside job and a simple list of the outside job.
I made the list of ten things every sunday.
The list never got any smaller, but at the same time it never got
any bigger. And nothing became a desperate situation.
Manageable, liveable, do-able. And I actually had
more time to enjoy life. It was peaceful and fun.
Then of course, i let her back in.
The house has been a wreck since....I'm a wreck too.
Daughter/sister/widow/lover
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Sierra Nevadas CA
Posts: 35
Not me. When I was at my worst codie-wise, I had the cleanest house you ever saw. And I had a full time high stress job, took care of my sick mother, etc etc etc.
It was part of my illness. I was trying to please someone else by having a "perfect" home.
Now my house is reasonably clean and I do it when I feel like it.
It was part of my illness. I was trying to please someone else by having a "perfect" home.
Now my house is reasonably clean and I do it when I feel like it.
One brief hour...
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 1,412
Ha! Weird, before I even read this, I went on a cleaning spree. 
My housework has gone to crap lately. I have been very stressed and everything else has taken a backseat to this.
I also went to the bookstore today and read a lot of "The Language of Letting Go," ate a great lunch, worked from home and told my AH that he would have to arrange another ride to work from now on!! He walked home AND did not even give me any junk about it. (well maybe a 10 second "guilt trip attempt", but nothing major
)
My housework has gone to crap lately. I have been very stressed and everything else has taken a backseat to this. I also went to the bookstore today and read a lot of "The Language of Letting Go," ate a great lunch, worked from home and told my AH that he would have to arrange another ride to work from now on!! He walked home AND did not even give me any junk about it. (well maybe a 10 second "guilt trip attempt", but nothing major
)
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Wow, SS, you and I are definitely on the same wavelength. When my AH moved out I rearranged the bedroom and bought new sheets. Boxed up most all of his stuff and called him to come get it. In other words, went on a major decluttering spree. That was six months ago, and now I am at it again. Tackled 9yo son's closet yesterday and computer desk today. It feels great! Oh, and we also went on a hike at a nearby state park which was also very theraputic and cleansing. Now I'm exhausted, but don't feel guilty about kicking back and watching a movie tonight.
L
L
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Nowhereland....
Posts: 8
[QUOTE=nutz]It's true, when I'm okey on the inside.
The stuff on the outside shift or clears up.
When I'm wacked on the inside....the outside is wacked too.
Oh boy, did this hit home! This is exactly what I've been feeling for a very long time. I just feel like everything is in shambles around here...our relationship, our finances, the outside of the house, the yard (well, the grass does get cut but the flower beds are pretty rank), the inside of the house. It is pretty pitiful.
The stuff on the outside shift or clears up.
When I'm wacked on the inside....the outside is wacked too.
Oh boy, did this hit home! This is exactly what I've been feeling for a very long time. I just feel like everything is in shambles around here...our relationship, our finances, the outside of the house, the yard (well, the grass does get cut but the flower beds are pretty rank), the inside of the house. It is pretty pitiful.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: TX
Posts: 371
I went through my house last Sunday as well, putting up important papers and going through all of our clothes and items that I might want to take w/me if/when I leave. It was very theraputic (sp). I go from one extreme to the other, I too will have an extremely clean house during turmoil..... or you won't be able to walk in the door. It's bad! LOL....
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Originally Posted by nutz
It's true, when I'm okey on the inside.
The stuff on the outside shift or clears up.
When I'm wacked on the inside....the outside is wacked too.
It's weird how simple things of cleaning out the closet was
hard for me. There where so much stuff in there that I carry around
from the pass. I wasn't even using any of the that stuff.
But Man O man...I struggle like hell just to throw stuff out.
So, I had to put all that stuff back. I wasn't ready for it.
I even struggled with cleaning 1 room. The car.lmaf
It took me a couple of month to even get to that piont.
The stuff on the outside shift or clears up.
When I'm wacked on the inside....the outside is wacked too.
It's weird how simple things of cleaning out the closet was
hard for me. There where so much stuff in there that I carry around
from the pass. I wasn't even using any of the that stuff.
But Man O man...I struggle like hell just to throw stuff out.
So, I had to put all that stuff back. I wasn't ready for it.
I even struggled with cleaning 1 room. The car.lmaf
It took me a couple of month to even get to that piont.
This is where I am.....and have been for awhile. Actually AH was the organized member of this household. In fact, that was really the only real area of conflict he and I ever had before the bigger addiction problems came along. I am ADD and so is son (he is much worse and that is a story in itself! haha). Son moved away on his own this summer and high school-aged daughter and I are so overwhelmed and depressed (alcoholism, OW,divorce,blah,) that some days just getting up and dressed, taking care of the dogs, etc i about all I can do....those days I spend alot of time here.
My house IS a disaster. I have vowed to do just one thing every day; even if it is small, to get out of this hole. Somedays I do more, but if I try to think of doing "too" much I get overwhelmed (again!) and just breakdown into tears (ugh!) and don't do anything.
The bad news is no one is here to help me. The good news is nobody cares, so I can make my own timetable.
I am just so tired..to my very soul. I guess it is progress of sorts that it is starting to bother me...........for months I didn't even care THAT much.
Nutz; glad I'm not the only non-neat-freak left in the world.(I really hope to be a little more like that with some work)
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Pick-A-Name said: Personally, I think that sometimes this is my problem as well. As things began to build up, it then gets to a point where the job just seems so overwhelming.
We are stressed, depresssed, etc. Then when things start getting behind and things are a mess, it depresses us more. We don't have the energy or motivation to start - as well as the fact that it just seems so overwhelming, we don't have a clue as to where to start! (I think this can hold true not just for cleaning, organizing, etc. but also in our personal lives as well. Material clutter as well as personal clutter)
On the days I have too much too do or don't know where to start - I start small. I only do about 15 minutes in a block of a job. This way, I can work on something 15 minutes at a time and it doesn't feel so overwhelming. Once that is accomplished, I go onto another thing. Eventually, for me, I begin to get better as far as motivation goes and then I'll have like one huge spree! LOL.
My house IS a disaster. I have vowed to do just one thing every day; even if it is small, to get out of this hole. Somedays I do more, but if I try to think of doing "too" much I get overwhelmed (again!) and just breakdown into tears (ugh!) and don't do anything.
We are stressed, depresssed, etc. Then when things start getting behind and things are a mess, it depresses us more. We don't have the energy or motivation to start - as well as the fact that it just seems so overwhelming, we don't have a clue as to where to start! (I think this can hold true not just for cleaning, organizing, etc. but also in our personal lives as well. Material clutter as well as personal clutter)
On the days I have too much too do or don't know where to start - I start small. I only do about 15 minutes in a block of a job. This way, I can work on something 15 minutes at a time and it doesn't feel so overwhelming. Once that is accomplished, I go onto another thing. Eventually, for me, I begin to get better as far as motivation goes and then I'll have like one huge spree! LOL.
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