Paul83

Hey all this is my 1st post to the forums, however I've been checking them out after randomly stepping into the site about a week ago.
I've been struggling for about 2 years now. I started out with OxyContin in Kansas City and later moved to Chicago only to pick up cocaine. I've been using Heroin since June of last year and want to stop terribly. I've always felt very bad about taking drugs and have to admit that for a 22 year old I've got an older mentatlity towards taking them. This doesn't seem to affect me using them too much, unfortunantly. I'm posting this because today has been what I hope is transitional for the better. I told my mom & dad for the first time that I'm using and addicted to heroin (they didn't even know I did drugs). They took it pretty well, as can be expected, and offered for me to move back to Kansas City, home.. seeing as how I can't get clean here on my own. I want to start going to NA's and anything else that can help me get through this. I'm financially, emotionally, and physically drained like everyone just accepting the fact that they can't continue this way of life. I'm on day 2 of withdrawal and a full day of work has made it even more difficult. The worst part about all this, is that I believe I will be out of Chicago and into Kansas City within the week, leaving my job, appt, and most importantly school behind. I'm really taking a step back here for all the trouble I've gotten myself into, and am only about 1yr away from graduating from the Univ. of Illinois in Chicago. It makes me physically sick to think that I'm going to have to throw it all away, but rather than looking at it as taking a step back, I'm hoping it's a step forward. I have a lot of things to work out and if taking some time off school has to be done then that's what I need to do. I'm hoping to get some uplifting responses, if nothing else than just to convince me that what I'm doing is the right thing. It's a very scary situation but I'm looking forward to the journey.

Paul

tyler

Hi Paul, congrats on taking a BIG STEP FORWARD!! Comming out of the closet (so to speak) to your parents was huge. It is great that they are being supportive. It is so good that you are taking this step sooner rather than later. You still have your whole life in front of you and can always go back and finish your school when you are ready. I can't stress how great it is that you are tackling this at such a young age. Many of us wait until our 30's, 40's, later, or much worse, never, to change. Check out NA, keep posting here and accept the help others offer. Congrats, today is the first day of the rest of your life. Take care.

bdjenkins03@yah

Paul, dont worry about school. It will always be there. it not going anywhere. your health is most important. it sounds like you have everything undercontrol. most people are not mature enough to handle the situation as you did I know I did not. I am glad your on here and your making a clear path foryourself. that is great. just remember to take your time with everything and one day at a time. you are making the right steps toward your recover and new life. go to all the meeting u can and also keep us updated on your recovery. cant wait to here from you. good luck and I will keep you in my prayers. brandon.

shockozulu

I am only taking one class this semester and that is really for social interaction more than anything else. I realized that right now my recovery is more important, I can always go back to school. I may not have another chance at recovery.

Paul83

Thanks so much for all your support, I don't have any friends in real life that know what I'm going through and it feels so great to be talking to people now. This moving thing is really going to suck, living back at the folks house for the 1st time since I was 18 and being reliant on little to no resources (car, friends, money, etc). . I guess this has to happen though, I just don';t know why it feels so damn hard. Day 3 right now, I promised myself I'd stay clean today, even though I have the money for it, I just can't continue this **** anymore. My body is beginning to feel somewhat operative at least, but last night I got about 2-3 hours of sleep and wokeup in hot/cold sweats about 6 or 7 times (how do we let things get this bad?). I sat i my bed till 8:15am this morning trying to find a purpose for getting up and attempting to get my **** together to get the hell out of the city by Saturday, but all this stuff is just staring at me, crushing my will with its vastness. I hope today goes okay, I will be in touch, and thanks once again for your support, guys.

Paul

KelKel

Welcome Paul....glad you are here.

Paul83

Thanks, KelKel, you don't know how many hours these past few days I've been reading the backlogs of this site. It really is truly inspirational and I can't wait to start recovery. Does anyone have any good info for a national NA or AA hotline to call to get info on meetings in your local area? I'm not going to be doing much else in the coming months so I'd like to stay active with recovery. Thanks in advance.

Paul

KelKel

Chicacgoland region of NA

Paul83

Well another clean day has passed. Thank god for that. Tomorrow is day 4, and I never make it past day 5, but I'm willing to now. Had a tough day at work with the withdrawals of heroin, spent a lot of downtime not getting anything done and just reading the forums on here and checking out some NA meetings in Kansas City. I really feel like recovery is the right place for me right now. I'm so glad to be focusing on me again and just stop overburdening myself with stressful situations such as school, moving to new cities, employment oppo's. It's going to be one hell of a process, but I think I can do it. Thanks so much for your support, gang. Paul

veryscared

Paul, I have only been clean for only 27 days but I can tell you that admitting it and talking about it is the only way that I have stayed clean for this long. Keep posting and reading. I have spent hours upon hours just reading about other peoples problems and how closely they relate to mine. There is no one else that can stay clean for you. Keep on looking for things to look forward to now that you are clean. It is really hard for me because everything that I love to do always seems better when I had some OC in me. It took me a good 3 weeks before I felt the energy coming back and the want to even do anything without the high. But it does came back. The biggest thing I had to learn was not to look for another high to replace the old one. Stay clean Paul you deserve it.

bdjenkins03@yah

paul, you are doing great. you should be focusing on yourself and stay strong. keep reminding yourself its your your life and you choose to live. which your trying to do right now. thers going to be ups and downs however ever day gets a little bit better.

Paul83

Thanks a lot for the support everyone. Well, it's day 4 and I know I can do it, the real trials will be every day until Saturday. Last night was hell again and I got very little sleep, sweated through 3 of my t-shirts and the entire bed in hot/cold's. Had a using dream that I dod some OxyContin and MAN did I believe it. I've never had that happen to me before, but maybe it marks a start to the end, huh? Anyways, going to the airport to pick up a friend whom I really need here with me right now. Wish me the best of luck, and just like yesterday - today *I* CHOOSE not to USE!!

Paul

hopealwayz

Hi Paul,

Good job on 4 days!!

Hang in there!

KelKel

(((Paul)))

Paul83

I made it! I think this is the longest I've been completely sober in about 1.5yrs. Oh my god it feels so great to finally be getting rid of some of the physically withdrawing effects, but I can't say that my nights are improving. Aside from only sleeping 3-4 hours a night, I'm sweating like, as they say here in Kansas City, two rats f*cking in a wool sock in July. Anyways, I hope that the worst is over, I've made the move back home with my folks and just got back today. I plan on starting to attend NA and AA meetings tomorrow or Monday and can't wait to start walking the path of recovery. Thanks for the support gang, pz.

Paul