Venting...again
Ugh!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Enchanted Elmoland
Posts: 180
Venting...again
Hey just need to vent a bit, thanks for being here!
Christmas went okay, ah got me a pair of riding boots and some cool girlee things. Wondering why the riding boots since he's forbidden me from purchasing another horse though? Weirdo. He was thoughtful with his gifts which shocked me. Things are still the same, still drowing his sorrows in bud lite and I dunno what else. Got a call from his brother also an alcoholic who is on the wagon, he told him how happy he was he stopped drinking. Gave him advice! Geesh... opened up like 2 beers while talking to him. I'm kind of numb to all of this.
A pal of mine is giving her hubby the boot in a few weeks, told me to move in with her. Wondering if I should. I realize only I can make that decision but it does turn my stomach to think of moving from "my" home. The one ah refuses in his passive aggressive way to put my name on after 10 years.
I suppose it angers me that he tells me that I cannot spend my own money how I wish. I work very hard and enjoy working. Been saving and saving to move, buy another horse or whatever I want to do. He on the other hand cannot save a penny. Hmmmm
Anyway, I tried to talk to him and that's like talking to a brick wall. He either gets mad at me for bringing up how unhappy I've been for the past few years or ignores me. I've come to the conclusion that there is really no communication with someone that is using, also that if I am to stay that this will always be an issue in my life. I'm sick of addiction and ready to learn some new lessons. Maybe this one isn't done yet...had an interesting conversation with a pal today, she compared me to an abused child in which you are always trying to win the affection, numb to the abuse because you've grown so used to it. Not realizing that it really isn't normal because for me it is and has been for most of my life... It's funny because in my mind I was thinking, "No, I'm just a very spoiled brat."
Funny thing is, he still owes me a few hundred bucks from the last few weeks and is telling me that I cannot spend my money. Wonder why? He also called my parents right before Christmas to find out if they were purchasing a computer for me. He said it was because he wanted to make sure I got one and if they didn't get one that he would. Wonder how he would have been able to afford that? Yes I was very very spoiled by them and got a new computer, flat screen monitor and printer. but it isn't even coming out of the box. Besides I purchased the one I'm on right now, I suppose to him he needed me to have one so that he could keep my old one? I wonder about this and why I keep having to try to understand the thinking of a mad man?! How do I let this wirlwind in my brain go? Oh and then my brother got me an Ipod shuffle and since I already have one, he took it. Hmmmmm I just feel like if we were a real couple none of this would matter to me!!!!! I think that since he insists on keeping everything separate, the house, the bills, the separate bank accounts, the list goes on and on...I shouldn't have to share with him either. What's his is his, and what's mine is HIS. GRRRRRRRRR!
Okay done with the venting, seems to just stir me up more and bring me down because I've not acted on it. spoiled brat, or abused spouse? Seems maybe a bit of both? But I do work very hard!!!!!
Love all of youz!!!!!
~FaithChaser
Christmas went okay, ah got me a pair of riding boots and some cool girlee things. Wondering why the riding boots since he's forbidden me from purchasing another horse though? Weirdo. He was thoughtful with his gifts which shocked me. Things are still the same, still drowing his sorrows in bud lite and I dunno what else. Got a call from his brother also an alcoholic who is on the wagon, he told him how happy he was he stopped drinking. Gave him advice! Geesh... opened up like 2 beers while talking to him. I'm kind of numb to all of this.
A pal of mine is giving her hubby the boot in a few weeks, told me to move in with her. Wondering if I should. I realize only I can make that decision but it does turn my stomach to think of moving from "my" home. The one ah refuses in his passive aggressive way to put my name on after 10 years.
I suppose it angers me that he tells me that I cannot spend my own money how I wish. I work very hard and enjoy working. Been saving and saving to move, buy another horse or whatever I want to do. He on the other hand cannot save a penny. Hmmmm
Anyway, I tried to talk to him and that's like talking to a brick wall. He either gets mad at me for bringing up how unhappy I've been for the past few years or ignores me. I've come to the conclusion that there is really no communication with someone that is using, also that if I am to stay that this will always be an issue in my life. I'm sick of addiction and ready to learn some new lessons. Maybe this one isn't done yet...had an interesting conversation with a pal today, she compared me to an abused child in which you are always trying to win the affection, numb to the abuse because you've grown so used to it. Not realizing that it really isn't normal because for me it is and has been for most of my life... It's funny because in my mind I was thinking, "No, I'm just a very spoiled brat."
Funny thing is, he still owes me a few hundred bucks from the last few weeks and is telling me that I cannot spend my money. Wonder why? He also called my parents right before Christmas to find out if they were purchasing a computer for me. He said it was because he wanted to make sure I got one and if they didn't get one that he would. Wonder how he would have been able to afford that? Yes I was very very spoiled by them and got a new computer, flat screen monitor and printer. but it isn't even coming out of the box. Besides I purchased the one I'm on right now, I suppose to him he needed me to have one so that he could keep my old one? I wonder about this and why I keep having to try to understand the thinking of a mad man?! How do I let this wirlwind in my brain go? Oh and then my brother got me an Ipod shuffle and since I already have one, he took it. Hmmmmm I just feel like if we were a real couple none of this would matter to me!!!!! I think that since he insists on keeping everything separate, the house, the bills, the separate bank accounts, the list goes on and on...I shouldn't have to share with him either. What's his is his, and what's mine is HIS. GRRRRRRRRR!
Okay done with the venting, seems to just stir me up more and bring me down because I've not acted on it. spoiled brat, or abused spouse? Seems maybe a bit of both? But I do work very hard!!!!!
Love all of youz!!!!!
~FaithChaser
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
HUGS....Sorry you are having all these feelings. I would feel the same.
I have no words of wisdom, just hope it helped to type it out. Keep us posted.
Pretty hard to take the insanity.
At least you have seperate checking, that is one plus.
I have no words of wisdom, just hope it helped to type it out. Keep us posted.
Pretty hard to take the insanity.
At least you have seperate checking, that is one plus.
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
FC, in the state of VA it really doesn't matter if your name is not on the deed to the house. You are still entitled to half of any equity due to being legally married. Not sure of the laws in your state. I know it makes a difference as far as feeling like an equal partner in the marriage in every sense of the word "equal". I purchased my home prior then put Ms name on the deed after we were married just to make things easier in the event that a bus hit me. But in the end it really only boiled down to another document, (quit claim) that needed signing in the divorce process. Not sure if this helps any. Good luck and sorry you're going through this. You sound very frustrated, BTDT.
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