Skittles78

Hello everyone! I am new here. I recently met a wonderful man who is a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict. We have been out on a few dates. He is a realy great guy. We have the best conversations and I feel already like I have known him forever . Our chemistry is amazing. He hasn't been out of rehab for very long (less than 2 months). I have never dated someone in this situation before. If any of you could offer me any advice I would greatly appreciate it. I want to know what my role should be at this stage in his recovery. We are taking things very slow at the moment, but we have already expressed very strong feelings towards each other. I want to be supportive of his recovery and not impose upon it in any way.

Thanks!

grateful2bsober

Hi, It's nice to see you concerned and maybe you should be....I suggest no matter how u feel to just stay friends.At least until he gets alot more time under his belt.They suggest that recovering addicts should remain out of a relationship for one year in order to focus on themselves. There is usually alot of work to be done (more then u can ever understand!) Sometimes addicts in new recovery are lonely or may be trying to replace a "feeling for a feeling" and this may lead back to the original desire. If it's meant to be waiting some time will not matter. Good Luck, I hope I've helped you in you in some way.

REZ

I agree with the last post. 2 months means danger--lots of danger. At 2 months, an addict needs to be going to lots of meetings, working with a sponsor, working the steps, and having friendships with other people who are clean and sober. A relationship can be a major distraction. He may loose himself in the relationship and forget to do the things that he needs to do to recover.

CarolD

Please read the post in here...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...of-alcoholics/


Be aware and do not jump in his life. Wait at least a year.

I am an alcoholic in AA recovery for years.......and he has way too many problems for me to deal with.

roadie58

I'm an alcoholic and cocaine addict. At two months clean, if I'd tried to date and it went well I would have celebrated by using. If things went poorly I sure as heck would have used. Either way I would have messed up the relationship and my life.

CAUTION CAUTION CAUTION

for what it's worth. others may disagree but I was a very dangerous man at that point in sobriety. Still am at seven months and I won't consider dating. It's just too risky for me.

Irish Virus

I say keep dating the guy. Sounds like he is at least honest and open about his use and not hiding anything. That's good. It's out in the open. It's better than dating a so-called social drinker who turns out to be a violent drunk.

If you think he has his head on straight, do not be afraid. I do not believe in waiting on time frames such as a year. A drunk is a drunk whether it's 2 months or 2 years. It depends on the person. Of course you wouldn't want to get into a relationship with someone who just went through the DTs, but this guy seems far from that.

Skittles78

Thanks everyone for the advice. He has been extremely open and honest about his addiction and recovery. He is also honest about everything else, which is very refreshing. I will definitelty proceed with caution, as I do realize that sobriety is his #1 priority.

lea666

Hello,
I just met someone that is only 3 months sober. He's coming out of 2 months in rehab for multiple drug (cocaine & others) & alcohol addictions. We met online and started chatting, he started to e-mail me constantly, all day long. After about 4 days of this he asked to meet me. We met and have only been out twice but he is wanting to see me everyday, still messaging constantly. I feel like he is moving way too fast and am worried he is trading substances for me.
I can tell that I do not want to get any more involved with him but I am afraid of hurting him when he is so fragile.
Any advice?
Thanks

Anna

Hi Lea,

Welcome to SR!

I'm glad you found us.

If you are uncomfortable with the relationship, then you need to do what is best for you.

lea666

thanks for responding.
i guess i'm afraid that he might relapse if i end things with him too abruptly. i'm wondering how to create some distance without crushing him.

Rowan

Hi Lea

You might find it helpful to post a thread of your own over in the friends and families of Substance Abusers forum - I'll come back and add a link.
Others there will be able to share their own experiences with you.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/

swmnkdinthervr

We are all individuals and our abilities to both cope with our new sobriety and our newfound emotional makeup will challenge us all differently...that said I would still urge caution when considering someone new to sobriety as a partner in a relationship, you could compromise their ability to focus on sobriety as well as subject yourself to a emotional roller coaster.

Not all relationships started this early in sobriety fail but the odds are long against success and failure would cost you both dearly...PLEASE be very careful and take your time if you decide to continue this relationship...AND...make sure of your reasons for wishing to take this gamble...JMHO