stand by or leave
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Springfield Vermont
Posts: 17
stand by or leave
Hi I've know a guy for three yrs whom i belive is an acoholic. Its very easy for me now to tell when he has been drinking or not. hes a differnt person when not drinking,(of course). But anyhow.. I can not even think of living with him, unless he stops.. hes said mean things and done mean things. and i can not seem to tell him good bye, i want to help him, but i know he has to help himself.. what can i do. do i walk away??? or watch him kill himself with Beer, i consider him a closet alcoholic. But lives for the week ends for his 30 pack. he just stays home and drinks. he does mention that he has a problem, and if we ever do do anything go out and do something with out beer which is very rare, he says he has withdrawls. But i Just want to know what i can do, or say if anything. I want to help him if i can. i don't want to give up on him. one day he says he has a problem. the next he says he will never quit. i am ver confused. I know i can't ever let myself, live in that situation, yet i can'rt give up, and turn away from him. i feel he trusts me, as a friend, i think he hates the world, he's pretty much a hermit... what to do??? thanks
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Hi Bubblegum....Welcometo SR. This is the greatest site.
Please read all the posts on here.
You will read how very difficult it can be to be with an alcoholic.
You will hear about all the things that don't or didn't work.
Learn all you can.
Keep coming back, and again Welcome.
Please read all the posts on here.
You will read how very difficult it can be to be with an alcoholic.
You will hear about all the things that don't or didn't work.
Learn all you can.
Keep coming back, and again Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi bubblegum and welcome to the forums!
You can't help somebody that doesn't want to be helped. And there is nothing you can say that will get through to someone that doesn't want to hear. The addicted people in our lives may change, but we are not the ones that change them. I wish there was a magic answer to the "stay or go" question. If I could have seen into the future I think I would have done things very differently with Dino. That is to say I think I would have done things differently and mostly WITHOUT Dino. Ask yourself this question- Just as he is, if he doesn't change one iota, do I want him? Many alcoholics never change. The majority do not ever stop drinking. If you are hanging on hoping one day it will all be different, then you might want to open your mind to other romantic possibilities. Or maybe you love other things about him so much that the alcoholism seems like an okay compromise. There's nothing wrong with making that compromise with your eyes open. There's also nothing wrong with deciding 5 years down the road that it's getting a little boring listening to the buzz saw in front of the tv on weekend afternoons. We grow, we change, we change our minds.
Hugs!
Smoke
You can't help somebody that doesn't want to be helped. And there is nothing you can say that will get through to someone that doesn't want to hear. The addicted people in our lives may change, but we are not the ones that change them. I wish there was a magic answer to the "stay or go" question. If I could have seen into the future I think I would have done things very differently with Dino. That is to say I think I would have done things differently and mostly WITHOUT Dino. Ask yourself this question- Just as he is, if he doesn't change one iota, do I want him? Many alcoholics never change. The majority do not ever stop drinking. If you are hanging on hoping one day it will all be different, then you might want to open your mind to other romantic possibilities. Or maybe you love other things about him so much that the alcoholism seems like an okay compromise. There's nothing wrong with making that compromise with your eyes open. There's also nothing wrong with deciding 5 years down the road that it's getting a little boring listening to the buzz saw in front of the tv on weekend afternoons. We grow, we change, we change our minds.
Hugs!
Smoke
Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: crownpoint newyork
Posts: 820
Hi BubbleGum! Welcome to SR. There is a saying in alon and here, " You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it". It is hard to watch someone go down this road with alcohol. Just don't think you can change him. He needs to want to quit and he needs to want to get help. You can support him but you can't do it for him. Keep coming here and learn first hand what we deal with everyday. Only you can deceided what is right for you but at least you can make an informed choice. I glad you found us. Take Care of you first, With love, Kerry
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Hi Bubblegum...
Welcome to SR.
Oh how I know how you feel, been there done that.
If your friend doesn't want help there is absoluely nothing you can do for him.
However, you can go to Alanon and learn as much as you can about the
disease, so you don't go down with the ship.
Take care of yourself, and keep coming back.
Welcome to SR.
Oh how I know how you feel, been there done that.
If your friend doesn't want help there is absoluely nothing you can do for him.
However, you can go to Alanon and learn as much as you can about the
disease, so you don't go down with the ship.
Take care of yourself, and keep coming back.
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