Change4life

I have been tossing the thought of going to at least a detox program, and then maybe rehab. I think after 28 years of being an addicted to alcohol and zanax, and abusing coke/crack, it is unrealistic for me to think I can quit safely on my own. This is a big decision for me, because it will mean I will have to withdraw from school. I am 44, and 2 classes from my BA. It will be hard to withdraw, but I went to see a counselor at school today, and they expressed a lot of health concerns as far as trying to detox myself. They set up an appointment for me to see a Dr. to get a physical, and Fri. I will find out what the staff has decided will be the best way for me to recover. After answering all the questions, I felt like the counselors were absolutely horrified. They both looked like they were at a funeral or something. I think once I heard myself describing what I had been doing, I realized how bad my use has been all these years. So now it is time to quit, but I am scared, and I don't know what to expect, or if I can even do this.

Bfree

Midas

That's terrific news, Beth!! Not terrific in the sense that the counselors were horrified! You know what I mean. Even if nobody else supports you, I'll be your one-man cheering section!

Change4life

Thanks Midas! You have been there for me in the past. I just hope I don't chicken out. You know how I feel about the word program. Oh well I guess I better get use to it, I will be hearing it a lot.

angelgirl

Hi Beth, Ya know, it's is scarey, and in a sense, it's not just scarey, but for most it's a sense of loss. We used those drugs as our best friend, they were there to get us through the good and the bad times, no matter what, they were always there for us. Even though they were completely destroying our lives, it's still a loss in a sense. Over time we realize how great of a lossit truly was.. But in the beginning at least for me, a sense of loss. That is why many addiction counselors have you write and actual "good-bye" letter to your drug of choice. It gives people a sense of closure. Saying the things you will miss about the drug and the thrings you won't miss and why you hate the drug so.. Talking directly to the drug.

It's great to see you're still around here, and youre making some really great decisions for yourself.. Good for you. That is wonderful. The time has come huh? You are ready?? That time comes for all of us. Some used to tell me that at some point something just seemed to "click" with them, when the time was right, that they had just plain had all they could handle of living that rotten life on drugs, in that fog...
Sounds like you are there. Making great steps, tough steps.. But steps that are going to get you the help that you need..

You hang in there ..
love ya, Becky

Change4life

Becky you couldn't be more correct. I feel like I am losing my best friend. I feel like I am getting divorced or something. Booze and drugs were always there if I needed them. I feel lost already. I am dying for a drink, and I can't imagine not drinking again, but drink leads to coke, and I can't do that anymore. I am so tired, but I feel like I will never sleep tonight. I really need a drink. Oh well I have nothing to drink so I guess I just have to get over it. Eventually I will find true friends that I can actually talk to, I just have to make it through what I am feeling right now. Thanks for listening. Goodnight!

Love,
Beth

Cathy31

You can do it, beth and this is the best way - nto only will you have help and support to start kicking your addiction - you will have the opportunity to explore all the underlying reasons which we all I believe need to be cognisant of as well, and have professional help to get through properly!

Very brave, but this sounds like the best way - take the professional's advice!

GOod luck
Cathy31
x

angelgirl

Yep Beth, you're right, there comes the time when people finally hit that point that they just can NOT do it anymore. No matter what. Even though they know the drug carried them through sometimes, it made life completely miserable, and it is slowly ( or in some cases quickly) killing you..
That's why it's so decieving. It calls for you, it waits for you, and it's patient,
the drug reminds you of itself in times when you re feeling down and when you're feeling up. That's why it's so tough to fight, and that's why it's soooo important that people get the help they need, the tools to go up against it.

So when you have those times of feeling down, or up, and craving, you'll have resourses, healthy ones to use, to overcome the caving,

It's always so easy when you're craving to remember the "good" times, funny, if it were so good, we wouldn't have been brought down to such terrible places of despair. We wouldn't have been left alone with no real friends left because we secluded ourselves so much do to those drugs, we wouldn't have put ourlives on the line in so many different ways, so many different times, if it weren;t for those drugs, and we would;t have HURT so many that love us ( including ourselves) if it weren't for those darn drugs...

So hang in there girl. It's so great that you reached out so far to get help, that means you're really ready You're really done..
Thankld god huh?? You're oing to make it "out of the fog" before you die..
Good for you..
We'll be waiting to hear from you..
Lot of love,
Becky

requiredfield

Pray. Pray to anything and everything you might believe in for help with those feelings.

Most importantly, don't think about "never drinking again". We have, but, ONE DAY AT A TIME. Can I stay sober for 365 days? Hell...no.. But I can stay sober one day a time... 24 hours at a time. That's all I've got to do is not pick up that first drink for 24 hours. Eventually, you put a couple of 24 hours together and you gain experience in living sober; and you start to heal... one day at a time.

The few things I've noticed about your posts is you're willing, honest, and you have hope. Without getting too far ahead of the day, let me just tell you that AA is a fellowship, not a program. Well, it's both. But it's really, people helping people. You will find the help you need there, and true friendships where people unselfishly care about your well-being and would do anything to help you. So take things, one baby step at a time. And just don't pick up... .no matter what!

MNGirlyGirl

Beth,
What a great opportunity to begin a new life!!! You are smart to go to detox, they can help eleviate some of the withdrawals, plus help you detox safely. Best wishes to you!
Kathy

Jerry K

Dear Beth:

I hope that I can ease some of your apprehension about going into rehab.

I went through a rehab facility as an out patient. However, many were also involved as in-patients. Living in the facility’s housing and then moving out to SLE (Sober Living Environment) housing.

All of us patients, in or out, developed some great relationships and these provided a considerable amount of support among the groups. You instantly find that your addiction is not all than different from your fellow patients. There is a “bonding” that goes on that is well beyond my experience of attending AA meetings.

While my formal program was only 13 weeks, I continued on for another 15 months attending weekly continuing care meetings. The primary purpose of continuing was not for the “treatment” but because of the deep friendships that I had developed. These continue today outside of the facility.

The only “sad” situation is when someone “goes out”. It is scary as one tends to think will I be next? But the staff helps you through and you end up far stronger.

Having an addictive personality, this was the only way for me and it was (and is) an experience that I will never forget and am so grateful that I made the plunge and went.

I wish the best and “work it cause you’re worth it” was our motto.

tink360

i admire your courage to make a decision like that and i pray that it all turns out ok for you. good luck.

earlybird

You'd be suprised how often counselors at schools hear this stuff. They may not have been as horrified as you think. I think you are doing the right thing. School means absolutely ziltch if you arent around to benefit from your hard work. What good is a degree if you're dead or wasted or homeless and strung out? Chances are you wouldnt have finished school. YOU come first. Without you being good to you......you're no good to anyone else. You are taking the first step into a grand life. Good job

hopealwayz

(((Beth)))
I'm going to be praying for you. This is a step in the
right direction. So many new doors are opening up.

Change4life

I still haven't made up my mind, I am really hoping I can do this as an outpatient. Leaving school is not sitting well with me at all. I have an exam tomorrow, and I have been studying all day. I am ready to kick ass on this test. Knowing I have the responsibility of school seems to keep me somewhat grounded. As long as I stay focused on the good. for some reason I seem to dwell on the negative. Regardless of how I accomplish my goal I know the drugs have got to go. Love to you all. iam going back to the books. I am just as compulsive about getting good grades as I am about getting good drugs. Excuse me I should say AS I WAS about getting good drugs. Thanks for everyones support. I am looking forward to a new life.
Love and hugs to you all,
Beth

Autumn

I have a special concern for Beth. She has related to me that she worries no one will be able to care for her cat while in treatment, and this appears to be one of the obstacles she faces with regard to getting treatment.

Is there any member or guest who is reading this, who can open their heart and home to temporarily care for her cat?

If you're in her general area, please consider it. She lives in East Rutherford, in northern NJ.

Autumn

Bump.